Unforgettable Love Story

Continued from What is Right or Wrong: Your Feelings are Your Guide…

Repeat of +Magdalin’s+ earlier statement…”So if you go with your feelings only, you will never try to do right if it feels bad. You will choose to remain how you are until you are confronted with a situation where you must change regardless of how you feel.”

I never said that someone should go with their feelings only. I have always stated they should use their feelings to guide them as an indicator of being on their path or off of it. Our thoughts are the cause of our feelings. We need to look at our thoughts in order to change our feelings. And we need to tag thoughts we discover do not serve us with the command to ourselves to wake up and shift them ASAP so that in the future we become aware much sooner. We need to contemplate and understand why they don’t serve us and what new thoughts we will replace the old habits of thought with.

This practice gives us the power to make ourselves happy and feel good anytime we want, no matter what the outer circumstances contain. However, there is another point to all of this…when we are feeling good we get in touch with a very deep source of inspiration. We get in touch with God. It is like we move to a higher vantage point where we can see a broader overview of our situation and then suddenly many other paths we had not considered appear before us for our consideration. New options emerge out of the darkness. These options and paths are hidden from us by the thoughts that create negative emotion.

So what is “doing right if it feels bad?” To me it sounds like confessing to a crime that you know will get you into trouble in some way. If you are clear about your thinking you will realize it could only feel bad if you have fear involved, or if intuitively you know that a bad outcome would come of your decision. So then is it really “doing right?” If you confess to a crime that you did and that someone else is being blamed and punished for then it would feel better to take the path of confessing than it would letting someone else suffer for your deeds. But if no one is taking the blame, and you have realized your errors, it would definitely feel bad to turn yourself over to someone who will punish you. In that case I say don’t do that. But if confessing feels better to you than living with the guilt then I say confess and let the chips fall where they may. If there are amends to be made then again confessing would probably feel the best.

What if you have cheated on your lover and you realize your error and resolve to never do it again, do you confess? Perhaps not. It may feel better to purge yourself of your guilt than to live with it. But does it feel better at the cost of the mental anguish your lover will then experience as a result of your confession? Will it feel better to have them doubting you forever more? We have more than one question to ask ourselves while trying to sort through such issues. I certainly have not presented all of the possible questions in regards to these situations. We need to think about how our actions in “doing right” affects us and affects others and then feel how each of those courses of actions feel and then choose the course of action that feels the best. That is “doing right” in my opinion.

+Magdalin+ in a prior response, one that somehow got lost, you wrote something to the effect that, “…people can feel good while they do all kinds of wrong things (superficial, and serious).” I want to comment on that notion.

People in that situation feel good relative to how bad they have felt. In some way they have been abused, judged, neglected, or harmed. After a long period of time of dealing with such a situation and the constant negative feeling of being unworthy, unlovable or unacceptable, they find it exhilarating to feel superior to someone else and they feel that superiority when they succeed in doing some sort of harm, be it verbally or physically. But this is a relative pleasure. It is like when the temperature drops below 20F for week and then it suddenly rises back up to 35F…35F now feels warm, when in fact it is nearly freezing!

We have to be aware of the long term affects of our thoughts and not just the short term affects. If we harm another that harm will eventually come back to us and that does not feel good. In fact the pain caused by this boomerang affect of karma is usually far greater than any momentary pleasure we feel by causing another to suffer.

For a person who experiences pleasure from making others suffer or from watching others suffer I recommend the following exercise to get yourself out of that sort of thinking. Which thought feels better? The thought of getting verbal or physical revenge on another…or the thought of healing one’s own self-esteem and of feeling worthy, lovable and acceptable? Wouldn’t you rather be immune to the judgments and unkind words or actions of others? Wouldn’t you rather help unconscious people wake up instead of causing them to suffer more? We need to compare different ideas and how they feel and choose the thoughts that feel the best. And we need to continue to reach for new thoughts that feel even better still as we move through time and gain experience. With each shift to a better feeling place, new thoughts of a better feeling nature become available to us.

So when we teach people to use feelings as their guides, and to understand how our thoughts create our feelings, we must also teach them this sort of process of reasoning so that they can make sense of it all. Some of it comes so naturally to me now that I often forget I need to mention these things. It is only when people begin to question what I have written and object to it that it brings these ideas up. And actually if I just present them, without the questioning from another person, the reason for presenting these concepts can go right over the head of the student. If you give people information they did not ask for, they rarely take notice of its importance. But if the question is asked, then the opening to understanding is created.

“I would like to expand on the abuse comment in brief…As far as the patterns and cycle of abuse goes, I had to counsel people in those areas and I have had friends that have come from such dysfunctional childhoods. Also most of us do not come from perfect family homes… So, more or less, we all need some help in healing in that area. However, depending on the type of abuse, severity of abuse and the mental/emotional/spiritual status of the individual, people respond differently to certain therapies, treatments, practices, ways for healing from that kind of past. Some people have a certain inner strength or, insight, or even destiny, and support needed, that enables them to find ways to heal on their own. Others, can go down the wrong path and lose themselves even more, before they can even recognize the need for internal healing. Others, seem like they have it together, while using faulty self defense mechanisms to avoid the darkness of the pain in them, by all kinds of addictive behaviors, and so on. Thus, “Healing” is a key word in this type of matter. What will cause healing in each person can differ. There are those who can respond to such therapies as the one you mentioned easily, which is similar to what is called, RET (Rational, Emotive Therapy, which is very popular in psychology) and change their behaviors and feelings by using reasoning to control their thinking. But there are those who need “healing” beyond this type of work. How this healing can occur it depends on the individual and their “Will” to seek the healing they need…where and how it can be found. It may be that they need spiritual healing along with psychological, because it is the need to heal the spirit, the most inner part of the soul that has been affected by the darkness of abuse.”

+Magdalin+ I agree with you that there are people my guidance won’t help for precisely the reason you state, lack of will to heal. There are those who have dysfunctional behaviors they are dead set on exploring. This is normal, this is natural, this is our God given right, and this is how we come to fully understand certain things about life. This is the reason I wrote the blog, Evolution of a Soul. A young soul is NOT going to follow the guidance I am giving. Only mature and old souls will be interested in doing this work. Young souls need to get their hands dirty, need to make a mess of things in order to understand why things are the way they are. It is one thing to be told hurting someone else will eventually hurt you, and another to experience the blows of karma when they beat upon your back.

However, anyone who does correctly follow the guidance I am giving can and will heal! Completely 100%. And I am willing to clarify any misconceptions you may hold so that you can follow this guidance correctly.

I am not here to support those who still want to wallow in the negative side of life. I will love them. I will forgive them…actually I just won’t judge them. (Not for very long that is…I occasionally get caught up in judgment for brief periods of time.) I will stay away from them. I will let others deal with them. This is karma. This is the soul’s path. We have all gone down it at some point in our eternal lives.

+Magdalin+ you emphasized a point that I do make often in my writing…One can feel in certain ways and in response, unconsciously do certain things, and make no connection between the thought/feeling/action they are experiencing and responding to. Ultimately it takes much work to understand the thought behind the feelings and actions. You may have to go through the experiences many times. Then it requires honest self evaluation and examination as to whether one’s thoughts are according to “right” practices and/or principles that will guide them to a better place, state, activity etc.

Yes, this is work. This is a practice. This is not a onetime thing that a person does to become aware. It is an ongoing effort to understand this connection and reprogram negative habitual thinking patterns that we have learned and continues to be taught to us by nearly everyone around us.

To rephrase what you said +Magdalin+…Books, blogs, and lectures by those who have mastered these skills can be extremely helpful. They can cut out much effort of trial and error by leading us directly to the sort of thinking we should engage in for the sort of circumstances we will face in our lives. But again, each person must do the work. We each must purposely and consciously engage in the suggested train of thought and feel where it takes us in our emotional state and see how it plays out in our actions.

“… my comment above [originally presented at the very beginning of this blog] centered on the law of attraction, and positive thinking. I agreed with using positive thinking as it is a right practice. However, I disagree with the gospel that this all can bring about certain expectation to come to be. If something is destined it will be. If it is not, then it is wrong for people to believe that if they focus hard enough on something it will happen. It is a wrong principle in that way. What is right is to seek to know what is possible for your life and focus on making that a reality. Use positive thinking against anything that is negative as to make wise choices and decisions to find and pursue the right solution to the problem.”

And with this statement you show us all that you too understand what I said above about being attached to the outcome. There are many people who misunderstand these teachings and believe that the Law of Attraction will get them anything they consciously want and quickly. Those people are in for a big disappointment…that feeling of disappointment will be their clue that their thoughts and ideas are not in alignment with truth.

But I do NOT agree with the idea that something is destined. It may be that at a specific point in time that too much energy and momentum is already behind a certain path of creation that WE have set into motion. We may wake up in circumstances we don’t like, or see something heading towards us that we do not want, but then it is too late. We must deal with it and put in the effort to set a new course and create differently such that our future will contain what it is that we do want. But WE are the creators of our life experience. And as stated in the blog Evolution of a Soul, WE is much bigger than this ego being we normally think of as ourselves. Also the closer one comes into alignment with their inner being and with God, the quicker our thoughts do manifest in the physical world.

“This I must disagree, with you, although I am not ready to expand on it too much at this point. This is a very complicated subject, and my insights come from personal, spiritual, experiences and revelations. There are things that are destined to occur, regardless. They are based on who you are and what you have been born to live out to a certain extent. I believe what you are doing right here, was pre-destined for you to do. However, certain events, situations, circumstances, choices, future states of being can be affected by present choices and decisions. Most times however, people are missing information viable to what choices or, decisions they are to be making today to effect their future in specific ways tomorrow and thus, the future occurs as it would based on where they are today, and what is destined regardless.

“The focus is on the “NOW”, because your actions NOW, determine the consequences you have to live with tomorrow.”

+Magdalin+ I also agree with your concept of destiny…ONLY if you view it from the physical human ego being level. Yes it does appear to us, to most people, that things are destined and out of our control. What you said is accurate from this human perspective. But the truth of Life is that WE are more than this. We have a higher self, that in reality we are one with and not in any way separate from, this part of our being is participating in this creation we call our life experience, and from that perspective WE are creating it. WE have chosen it, WE desire it, these experiences that we as an ego being say we don’t want, those experience that appear negative, the greater WE wants them because IT knows these experiences will balance us and teach us.

Feeling the Thoughts of Others

There is another point I wish to make about feelings. Feelings can tell you about the intentions of other people. A good example of this is discussed in my blog Jealousy and Low Self-Esteem. You are capable of feeling the thoughts and intentions of others. You will notice this when you first encounter someone or first begin to think about someone or first begin to talk with them on the phone. How did your feelings change when this other person first came into your experience? How did it feel, good or bad? When the conversation changes, did your feelings change?

To be able to discern between feeling your own thoughts about that person or their words and feeling the intention behind their words takes clarity of your own mind. You will find this difficult or impossible if you have agendas especially harmful ones. If you have low self-esteem it might feel like you are being judged even when you are not.

Namasté
Michael Skowronski
Author of Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story

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