Unforgettable Love Story

I got the following email from a friend and am answering it here in this blog…with her permission of course.

Hey Michael,

I am in a sort of internship I believe. I still have some issues of my own. Most of the abuse I have sustained was of the psychological kind and was done at the time when I was most absorbent (childhood). So… I feel that I have forgiven but that my next step is to accept that I will know this same harmful intent in others.

I think I am what is called a “sensitive”. I respond to the feelings of others…and yes, I have always said that I can feel the feelings of others. My problem is that I am not always able to determine that the feelings are not necessarily directed at me; therefore I ‘think’ they are. As a result I become angry or hurt.

In a way, that is the same as saying I feel responsible and that is not healthy.

I am NOW able to acknowledge when I feel extremely uncomfortable around others; when I sense their toxicity; their ambivalence.

Munga, you made a very good observation here. First of all it does not matter if it was directed at you or not. What matters is do you really deserve the energy being projected? Do you know? Are you clear enough to know?

Most people “think” that the words and perceived attitude of others are directed at them. This is a very standard assumption we all make. I still catch this happening in myself when my wife becomes unhappy. When she finally gets around to explaining it to me, it is due to something else. Either she is physically uncomfortable for some reason, or she is worrying about something else or somebody else in her family. Now my wife is pretty honest and owns her own stuff, but other people are not so honest, or worse don’t even understand their own minds and do not even know what it is they are thinking about. Other people may even truly believe YOU are the problem of the moment, and they project that energetically upon you or they project it quite vocally with words. So this causes most people to doubt themselves.

This is the point of work that needs to be done in many people who are sensitive and who will develop their sensitivity in the future. We need to be clear at all times about ourselves, who we are, what our intentions are, what we think and what we do. And when we do make mistakes, out of habit, and go against our true intention, we need to recognize that we have done so and take the steps necessary to reprogram our habits such that we come into alignment with our true intentions. Which I would assume is, to be loving and harmless in all of our thoughts and deeds. If that is not your intention, then guilt will surely follow you all the days of your lives!

UnforgettableBook.com

“THE BOOK IS SPECTACULAR…THOUGH I FIND MYSELF SOMETIMES LAUGHING..SOMETIMES CRYING AND OTHER TIMES I AM LAUGHING AND CRYING SIMULTANEOUSLY, OVERALL, I AM ENJOYING IT VERY MUCH…AND YOU’RE RIGHT MIKE IT IS A LOVE AND SPIRTUAL GROWTH STORY.”

– Granny Queen

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People think perfection is not possible. They say, “We are only human.” But when a person realizes that perfection is very simple then it becomes possible. I say that perfection is making it your intention to be loving and harmless in every thought, word, and deed and reprogramming your habits of thought, word and deed that go against that intention. For me making a mistake such as spilling the milk, or hitting the gas pedal when you meant to hit the breaks or some other such human mistake does not mean a person is not perfect. But to remain loving and harmless in the midst of anything that occurs, intentional or accidental, that is perfection.

When your intention is to be loving and harmless, and your habits nearly always reflect that intention, then it is easy to not take the energetic or spoken resentments and accusations of others as if you are at fault. If your intentions and actions are clear, then begin to remind yourself of this every time someone near you gets upset and you will soon find yourself at peace in these sorts of situations.

The other problem we face is we want the other person to understand us, to understand our intentions and to change how they view us and our actions. If this understanding does not come for them automatically it is not likely to come at all. We can argue with people, and try to convince them, but unfortunately even if they pretend to be convinced, in most cases they will hold on to their perceived experience and hold you responsible for whatever negative feelings they have. This may seem like a sad realization and a sad outcome, but ultimately our awakening and our clarity does lead us to increasingly better circumstances for ourselves. It really does not matter what other people think about us.

Recently, I had to get another job, for financial reasons. I have had to change jobs 3 times in the last three years. I am not someone who does this… I would like to find my niche and hang in there; my personality is such that I am loyal and tenacious. But…due to some odd circumstances, I have had to move on and continue to find work in other places. I have a lot to give to a company.

Odd circumstances, hmmm…sounds like the hands of God at work here. Didn’t you say you were in internship? Internship for what…running a corporation or healing the planet? Those who are waking up are indeed in an internship. And we are here at this moment in time to transform this planet. These shakeups we experience when we are so very close to enlightenment are those things that will shake loose those old habits of thought word and deed that no longer serve us. These shakeups give us the training necessary to understand what we are up against, and what our true job in this world is.

I found a job that looked like something I would like. With the right training, I could run this office like a well oiled machine. They hired me on the spot! I was pleased. But before the interview took place, I noticed that one of the co-workers (my equal) was very hostile towards me. Not overtly but passively. I felt terribly uncomfortable but kept telling myself not to be “paranoid”.

Be careful, be watchful, and be aware when you feel this sort of thing. Certainly the hostility is there. Not everyone wants their work environment to run like a well oiled machine. When they slack off, when they need time for themselves, it will be noticed. They will be resentful that you have taken this away from them. It is unfortunate but most companies don’t just give employees enough free time in their day to tend to their own needs. Thus we all create it and hide it in the cracks of the disorganization that exist.

I have been on the job for three weeks and the other person up and quit because she was so intimidated by my presence. This was so upsetting to me. I had done nothing to her but get hired! I am shy and reserved but friendly and kind… I know this about myself. I tried to be “nicer” to her, sensing her insecurities, but that only seemed to add fuel to the fire.

Problem is, if I am in the workplace; there is nowhere to go… there is often no choice but to hang in there. I’m sure others will say, “Quit the job” but that is not an option for me at this point. I just started!!! I kept thinking that this situation was one that I caused.

Yes, you are the cause. Your light is shinning too brightly and you give those who cower in the darkness nowhere to hide. So perhaps you should shrink back into the darkness, lie, cheat, and do a few evil deeds every once in a while so that you can be accepted. NOT! :^)

What is your job? Is it possible that in the course of your duties you may reveal something this person did that was wrong like some sort of embezzlement? Or were they frightened they would be seen as incompetent or too slow? Or is it that just having a nice person around made them sick?

I do know this…people are frightened, people are jealous, and people have low self-esteem. There are many reasons for this, but primarily and foremost is that it is NOT their intention to be loving and harmless in all of their thoughts, words, and deeds. If you dig deep enough into the reason they have low-self esteem you will find this issue is within them. For example, someone who has been abused could claim the low-self esteem is due to their abuse, but I say it is due to their desire for justice and judgment about what has been done to them and it could also be unhealed judgment of self due to their own past harmful and unloving intentions. Of course it is considered normal to want vengeance, but still it is the cause of the low self-esteem. We still have to get past our judgments if we ever expect to feel good about ourselves.

When your intention is to be loving and harmless then you know who you are and you feel good about yourself no matter what anyone says or does. This causes healthy self-esteem. It occurs over time as events occur and you witness yourself consistently responding in loving ways. Over time you receive internal guidance and you recognize your oneness with God and All That Is.

I know that is weird but you must know that women truly have different issues than men. With women, it is often about outward appearances; there is a vanity there in addition to everything else. This co-worker was morbidly obese, but then again, the three other employees (including boss) are also obese.

Certainly men and women face different issues; it is not so weird since we are biologically and socially different. A person who is generally considered physically beautiful does have to face the jealousy of those who are not generally considered physically beautiful. When the inner beauty is not there either, that jealousy comes out and can be felt.

Living in this world with other hurt people is not easy. There are no quick or fool proof solutions. I would love to be able to rise above the sickness in others, but I have a feeling that none of us is ever really healed, we just get better.

It is not easy, but it is possible…your healing can occur in spite of others who remain wounded! There are no quick solutions, but there are fool proof solutions. I just gave them above. It takes time, and it sounds to me like you are already on your way.

People are hurt, people are dysfunctional, and these are the facts of life. These wounded and dysfunctional people do seem to get in our way, they do seem to interfere with our lives, but we can change our focus and we can have peace and happiness no matter what is occurring in the outer world. I offer much advice along these lines in my other blogs such as Drowning in Worry and Reprogramming Yourself just to name a few. Over the course of our journey through life we gain much from even these experiences that challenge us.

When I realized that the co worker literally was directing HATE towards me, I tried talking to her in a tactful and gentle way. I told her I wanted us to get along and even enjoy working together. I felt good about what I said to her and felt I had done so in a loving and heartfelt way. Obviously, I should not have spoken about it to her because she merely became more resentful.

As you have found, most of the time talk does not cut it. You can’t talk your way out of being who you are. She hates you for who you are, a mirror that shows her who she is, which is a person she does not like. You are not willing and should not be willing to paint over your mirror with a pretty picture of who she is. Even your tactful and gentle talk mirrors back to her her own hatred and inability to be kind and loving.

I am not an overt, exciting person. I can’t walk in a room and uplift others by giving them extreme praise or making them feel wonderful. My personality is very calm and low key… but I smile and am friendly. This is the part I felt I had failed at. This is when, for a moment, I wished I were a different sort of person… one who could “win friends and influence people”.

To win friends and influence people by words alone or attempts to make them feel wonderful is a manipulation, it is fake and it is an energy that you do not want to engage in. When you are filled with your own sense of your true self, when your self-esteem is healthy and strong, when you are not frightened by the hatred, jealousy, and woundedness of others, when you trust life and that you ARE in the right place at the right time, you will walk into a room and uplift others by your mere presence. No words will be necessary. And those who are not uplifted will be those who are frightened by your light.

I think that I am a help to many of my friends… that they sense they are safe with me (and I with them) and we are able to help each other. But, that is not necessarily true of all relationships.

Agreed! You cannot help everyone. Not everyone will respond to you in the way you would like them to. Accept that and move on.

I wanted to be a help to my ex husband (while we were still married). (At first of course, I was very angry and showed my anger towards him). But after learning more, reading more, I tried to be loving and tolerant; knowing he suffered from alcoholism. But, to be honest, this change in me seemed to make things worse… now perhaps that is natural progression of alcoholism and nothing to do with me, but I was the one who had to eventually flee. Not for my life, but for my sanity. My already bruised ego hung perilously on the edge of a breakdown.

As we grow we must change our outer circumstances. It MUST occur and that is a good thing! We experience the pain of separation from the old, but wait…the new holds gifts for us. The new life circumstances contain many of the things we have been asking for.

I still question why my love wasn’t enough to help my ex. I still wonder why I have to “feel” the feelings of others. They only hurt for the most part.

Your love has helped, you just don’t see all the ways it has helped him yet. Your love wasn’t enough to “help” your ex because your ex has free choice. Your ex still has more to experience in the circumstances he chose for his life.

Do you have any thoughts on this? Or do you require money for your services? lol

Munga

I do not charge for my counseling services. I am especially grateful when someone allows me to be of service and allows me to post them in a blog so that others may be helped by the questions and answers.

Love and Blessings,
Michael Skowronski
Author of Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story
Also on Amazon.com and BarnesAndNoble.com…including awesome book reviews!

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This is the latest part of the story with the following installments:

Part 1 - A Marriage Made in Heaven Part I, Part II

Part 2 - The Suicide and the Accident

A side story - The Elephants of India

The Kidnapping and the Wedding

The Kidnapping

The Couple Reunite

We spent our first honeymoon night in a room at the home-stay of Madhu and Sandhya. Had I know about the abduction of my brother-in-law I would not have brought Shyni there. Years later when I questioned Shyni about it, “Why didn’t you talk me into staying somewhere else? Why didn’t you tell me Sandhya participated in kidnapping Shyam?”

She replied, “There was no other place we could have stayed. Everyone in Kumily was jealous of me. If I would have tried to take you somewhere else you would have wanted to know why. I did not want you to know about the kidnapping so soon and you trusted Sandhya. I wanted you to trust me before I began telling you how horrible these people can be. You needed to experience it for yourself first.”

I was still quite naïve about people, much more than I thought at the time. But as the story will eventually show, I did learn a lesson in life that I really needed to learn. Shyni was right to wait and let me discover this truth for myself. It did teach me to trust her more too.

Shyni was quite ill on the evening of our wedding day. She came down with a high fever. I attributed it to her not sleeping much the night before and all of the stress of the wedding. I went to the nearby restaurant owned by our Egyptian and British friends and shared a bottle of wine with them while I waited for my takeaway order to be prepared. Shyni does not drink, never has and insists that she never will, so she was happy I had someone else to celebrate with.

Due to her illness we did not consummate our marriage that evening either. Shyni remained shy about nudity and she objected when I undressed in the bedroom rather than the privacy of bathroom. I just figured it was time for her to get used to a new style of living and a new culture. I did not want to set the tone of our marriage as one of being prudish.

I hired a car and driver to take us to Munnar the next day. It was a beautiful four hour drive through the Western Ghats Mountains. These mountains rise quickly, with deep narrow valleys and another steep rise only one to two kilometers away. They contain plenty of water falls, rivers and lakes and are quite lush and green.

The journey was spectacular and magical…especially with my beautiful bride at my side. We were finally free. We sat close, held hands, looked into each other’s eyes and kissed often. This was something we could not do since the time we met, except when we were in the privacy of our bed room. And even then Shyni was holding back and reserving her affection until after the temple wedding. But now she was much more open and free with me and I was loving it!

At one point in our long drive I said to Shyni, “It’s too bad we can’t take Eju to America with us.” Eju is Shyni’s nine year old nephew, the son of her sister. He is adorable and has an energy that is very similar to ours. I love children and Eju is very easy to love because
he is so affectionate and well behaved. Shyni replied, “Do you mean that? Do you really want to take Eju to the USA?” I said, “Yes, I can see how much he loves you and how much he will miss you when I take you away.”

Shyni then proceeded to tell me how she had adopted Eju as her own son at six months of age. “I first found out about Eju when he was four months old. I came home from nursing school after my first year exams were complete. My family had not even told me that Jessie was pregnant. There was so much shame because Gopal did not want to marry her. For two months they all argued about how much dowry money Gopal’s family would accept for the marriage to take place. My father was too poor and did not have any money to offer. All that he could promise was a one third share in our family home and land. This was not enough for Gopal or his family to accept. Poor Jessie, she loved Gopal and did not want to lose him and she was facing the reality of how people in our culture would treat her as an unwed mother. Neither Jessie nor Gopal was mature enough to be parents, they were like children themselves.

“Then one night Jessie called me to come and help her. I had to ride three hours by bus to get to her house. A lot of Gopal’s family was there, a few of the men were drunk. They were all fighting over the baby and threatening to kill it. One of the men took Eju from the bed and tried to throw him to the floor. I quickly jumped up and caught Eju and ran out of the house with him. It was dark, and wet, the ground was slippery. But I ran as fast as I could down the hill and hid in the dark to see if I was being followed. I had to hold Eju’s mouth closed so they could not hear him cry.

“I watched for awhile as they came out of the house to look for me. It was too dark and it took them a little while to get organized, so I ran to a neighbor’s house and knocked on the door. They let me in and I told them what was happening. They hid us and let us sleep there overnight. I got up and took Eju home with me by bus at five in the morning.

“I had to tell my father what happened. He was very upset but not surprised. Jessie came home a few days later. I took care of Eju during that time, even when Jessie was there. I spoke with my great grandmother Ellie and asked her what I should do. She told me to follow my heart. I told her my heart said to keep Eju and raise him as my own son. My wise old great granny told me that God would support me if I was really confirmed in my decision.

“After about a week Jessie went back to Gopal and I kept Eju. A few days later my father asked me when I was going to send Eju back to his parents and I told him I was never going to send him back. We had a very long talk about it and how it was that I would take care of this baby. My father was already financially stressed and did not want another mouth to feed.

“I transferred from my nursing school, which was four hours away by bus, to a school in Kumily (which is where the family home was) and I took Eju to school with me. I told people he was my baby and his father worked a long ways away. I got a job dancing in shows for resort guests to help feed my baby and pay the bills. My father and brother Shyam played music at the resort, so they also played the music while my Uncle Cebe and me danced in the traditional Kerala style. My mother watched Eju while we performed.”

I interrupted Shyni’s story to ask, “Wasn’t it difficult to go to school, study, take care of a child and dance every evening? How could you manage?”

“Oh, I was often very tired, but I loved my life. I always wanted to be a mother so it was easy to take care of Eju. I loved being with my father and brother while they played music. It was difficult but I just did what I had to do. I could not quit school; I needed to have life out of the poverty that was too common in India. So I put up with it all. Until my father died, that is when I quit dancing and went to Delhi to work. Then my whole family needed money and Delhi was the only place I could earn good pay.”

I was blown away and my eyes were filled with tears. “Wow Shyni, I did not realize. You could have told me that Eju was your son. I can love both of you.”

“I did not know how you would take it. I wasn’t sure if you would understand. I felt I could tell you later and it would be okay.” Shyni said with a little bit of worry in her voice.

“It is okay. I love you and I am happy that we can take him to the States with us…we will be able to take him won’t we? Did you legally adopt him?”

“No. But we can do that if you like.”

“We will probably have to adopt him in order to get him a visa. Will Gopal and Jessie allow this?”

“It will take some time, but I can convince them. Eju does not want them and they don’t really want him either. Eju was so sad on our wedding day. Did you notice? He cried when we were leaving because he thought you were taking me to the USA. He did not understand what a honeymoon was, he thought Honeymoon was a place.”

I felt so happy that it was I who married this woman and not some other foreigner who might have objected. There were so many things in my life, the big things, in complex ways, that always seemed to work out in just the perfect way. I felt like this was one more sign that our marriage was divinely orchestrated and that my new wife Shyni too was moving with the divine flow of life. “Call your mother as soon we get to our resort and tell them we are going to take Eju with us.”

We stopped a couple of times along the way to enjoy the spectacular views. The rivers and valleys and waterfalls were too beautiful to pass by at a quick pace. I held Shyni close as we stood and admired the views. I felt an even deeper sense of connection with her because we were becoming a family. When I was considering taking an Indian wife, I thought it would be nice to find a widow who already had children, because I love children and because I knew a woman with a child would have a harder time finding a husband. I could not imagine taking a wife as young as twenty four like so many of the girls I had met. I did like the idea of having a younger wife, but not at the expense of immaturity. I preferred to have a mature woman even if it meant an older wife. As I held Shyni in my arms I was filled with joy and amazement at how God took so many of my desires into account when he set us up. I got a beautiful young wife who was also a mature woman and a child, this was everything I wanted. And we were getting along very well.

When we arrived at our hotel in Munnar Shyni was again not feeling very well and I needed a walk to stretch my legs after our long drive. She was already used to my routine of taking a morning and evening walk alone so she seemed to be fine with me going for a walk before it got dark. When I returned from my walk however she was not as happy. The hotel staff had questioned her about what she was doing there with me. They wanted to see our wedding certificates, which she showed to them. The man running the hotel did not seem to be impressed but the other two women on the staff began treating Shyni better. I held Shyni in my arms to comfort her and caressed her hair.

Indians have very strange ideas about life and what is appropriate and inappropriate. Actually people in all cultures have this problem, but it is much easier to see it in another culture than it is in your own. However, if you live in a couple of different cultures for a few years, it becomes easy to see the silliness of your own culture as well. I highly recommend that people go and live in a couple of different foreign countries for a few years. It would dramatically help you in your efforts to change your inner programming. If we could only take about one third of the born and raised Americans and transplant them to various third world countries for three years I bet we would see a rapid and dramatic change for the better in the entire world within a few years time. It would change the perspective of so many people who could then be effective agents for worldwide changes.

Shyni had also phoned Chechi (her mother) while I was gone. Chechi was happy to hear from us so soon on our journey. And Eju was very happy to hear about our ideas to take him to the States with us. They were also relieved that I was letting Shyni continue her communication with her family. They wondered how long it would be before they heard from Shyni.

We had a romantic dinner alone together for the first time since I have known Shyni. It was just the two of us, without family, indeed there were no other guests in the dining room at the time we were there. We talked a lot about our lives and our hopes and dreams for our future together and Shyni told me more about the troubles she had protecting Eju from harm.

“After I had been caring for Eju for two months, the president of Gopal’s community called me and she asked me to come to Gopal’s house for a meeting. When I arrived with Eju, Gopal’s cousin Sanu was there along with Gopal, Jessie and this community woman. She talked with us all and told Gopal that he had to pay some money to me for taking care of his baby. Sanu got very angry and picked up a chair, raising it over his head, to smash me with it while I was holding Eju. The community president was a big woman and she caught the chair and stopped him from hitting me. I ran for the door but Sanu caught me and began choking me to try to get me to drop Eju. I nearly passed out but I didn’t drop him so Sanu pushed me out the door. Both Eju and I fell onto the cement porch and got scratched up pretty badly. Gopal just sat there in silence; he said nothing.”

“Oh my God! What did you do?”

“I went back home and never took Eju back there again. But that is not all…Four months later Gopal’s mother and step-father came to visit us. She was being nice and wanted to hold the baby so I let her and I went to the toilet. My mother was there with them so I thought it would be okay. When I came back Gopal’s mother was gone. She had only been at the house for a very short time. I asked Chechi what had happened and she told me Eju’s grandmother gave him some biscuits and then they said they had to go. Very soon Eju started looking sick so we rushed him to the hospital.”

I was in shock. I could hardly believe what I was hearing. “Did they poison him?”

“Yes, Gopal’s mother poisoned Eju.”

“Did they pump out his stomach? Did the test it for poison?”

“Yes, we did have his stomach pumped and they did find that there was poison in the biscuits. They tried to kill him.”

I sat there for a moment with my mind reeling, How could anyone do something like that to a baby? Especially when someone else was taking care of it and not asking for anything. I was feeling mixed emotions. I was very proud that I had such a strong woman as Shyni as my wife and at the same time in shock at how sick some people could be. “Did you go to the police? Did you tell them what had happened?”

“No, we did not want any more trouble from these people. I called Gopal and told him to never come to our house again. I told him to tell the rest of his family to stay away or we would call the police.”

“Did that work, did they stay away?”

“They stayed away until Eju was nearly five. Then Gopal came by with a friend of his. Eju met Gopal at the door and called me. I asked Eju who it was and he said he didn’t know. When I came to the door Gopal had tears in his eyes. I told him I did not want his tears or his drama and sent him away.

“Many months later Gopal came back again. Jessie was staying with us at the time. He said he wanted his wife and child back. My father told me I had no legal right to keep Eju so I should send him back to his father.”

“Oh my God! What did you do?”

“I had to send him back. But I went with them. After two days I could see that Gopal was not acting like a father. He gave no love to Eju. He did not pick Eju up or play with him or hug and kiss him. And Jessie too began ignoring Eju again. So I took Eju with me and left.”

“How long was Jessie living with you at your house?”

“On and off for a year and a half. The longest she stayed with us was eight months.”

“Wow Shyni, you are a strong woman. You don’t ever have to worry about having that kind of drama with me. I will take good care of both you and Eju. Will they give us any trouble adopting him?”

“I can manage them. It will take some time. But we will get the legal papers.”

“After your father died, what did you do with Eju then? That is when you went to Delhi to work as a nurse right?”

“I couldn’t take Eju with me. It would have been too difficult. I had to learn a new language and learn my way around Delhi. I could not trust anybody in a strange city to take care of Eju while I was at work. So my mother took care of Eju while I was gone. I was making good money and saved most of it to send home to take care of the bills my father left behind and to feed my family. I took the train back home a couple of times each year to visit.”

Shyni’s story had me in tears. I was very impressed with Shyni and so thankful that I could be there to help make the rest of her life easier. We enjoyed our dinner together and then went back to our room. Shyni still had a fever and wanted to go to sleep early so we did.

I made no moves to have sex with her because she was still ill. But while we were lying in bed cuddling Shyni told me she was ready and wanted to make love so we did. It was awkward for us at first; more awkward than any other sexual experience I had in the past, but it was the start. It took many months for us to become totally comfortable with our sexual experience together. She had a lot to learn, and I learned some new things too.

Now I can honestly say that Shyni is the best sexual partner I have ever had. Although there are many reasons for this, I believe one of the biggest reasons is that we are both totally committed without any thought or desire for anyone else. That is not something I can say about my past relationships. In the past there was always a desire in the back of my mind for other sexual experiences with other women. In my younger years I thought it was natural and normal for a young man to have strong sexual urges and desire for multiple sexual partners. Now I am certain that energy tainted my past relationships and made them less than they could have been. By the time I had married Shyni too much had happened in my life, good times and painful times, things that got me ready for this woman and the commitment she had to be totally faithful to her husband. So faithful that she waited thirty years without sharing so much as a kiss with another man. I don’t mean this to be critical in any way of anybody else; I am just presenting our experience.

We thoroughly enjoyed the rest of our honeymoon together, but there were some challenges. We stayed two nights at this hotel which was higher up in the mountains than the village of Munnar. There was a lake and dam and tea plantations to explore. We stayed two more nights in the village of Munnar where Shyni was very ill and we had to call a doctor to our home-stay room to examin her and give her medication. While there we enjoyed a paddle boat ride on a river; I did all of the peddling since Shyni was not feeling well. Then we went down to a village called Kumarakom near the coast, not too far from Cochin. Shyni felt much better there because the climate was hot. Munnar was five thousand feet high and quite cold at night, and even cool during the day. We stayed three nights in a home-stay right on a canal and took a motor boat cruise of the canals while we were there. We also drove around and enjoyed all of the beautiful natural sights of the area.

Shyni stayed in touch with her family the whole time we were on our honeymoon. While we were in Kumarakom she got the disturbing news that Gopal had beat his wife Jessie. Because of that, and because I wanted to get back to work writing my book Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story, we cut our honeymoon short by a few days. We had one more costal city we were going to visit but decided to return to Kumily instead.

Karma Changes People

Because I have reported some pretty horrible things about Shyni’s relatives in this story I wish to balance it out by saying something else about these people. It is nearly three years later and during this time Life has had quite an impact on them. Jessie and Gopal have stayed with us for many days and nights on many occasions. We did legally adopt Eju and their second child Geethu has also come under our care. Geethu wants us to adopt her too and Jessie and Gopal have consented. Jessie is not without fault in their fights; indeed she has a very big mouth, can be quite mean, and does not know when to shut up. She talks constantly, and I do mean constantly. Once my brother pulled the circuit breaker in our house so Jessie would think we had a power outage and go to sleep. It worked and she stopped talking.

Jessie and Gopal are getting along a lot better now as a result of so many things, including the influence that Shyni and I have had on them. Shyni’s mother Chechi is taking care of the kids since we have no visa’s for them yet. Jessie and Gopal are helping out and have become very responsible. The kids deny that Jessie and Gopal are their parents, treats them like servants, insults them any time they screw up, and tries to show them the correct way to care for children. Otherwise both kids are strong loving and competent beings. Eju has won a few singing competitions and at age twelve has become quite the entrepreneur starting a few of his own side businesses. Geethu has been the top student of her class in both kindergarten and first grades. I keep telling Shyni to talk to the kids about respecting their birth parents, but we don’t have that much control from here. I don’t speak their language yet and the kid’s English is not real good either. So Jessie and Gopal are being given some very hard lessons and they are changing.

The second husband of Gopal’s mother died recently and her stepchildren kicked her out of her husband’s home. This is the woman who poisoned Eju as a baby. Gopal’s father, which is her first husband, lives with Jessie and Gopal and will not have her back. So Gopal can’t care for his own mother who faces being homeless. She is not homeless however, because she is now living with Shyni’s mother Chechi, Eju and Geethu. Eju is loving his grandmother who tried to kill him early in his life. She has to live with what she did on a daily basis. Her vial deeds were returned with love.

It is funny how Eju’s life and existence has influenced these people who were so desperate for money when he was born and so ready to kill him because they thought he would be a burden in their lives. When Eju was two years old he played Tabla with his grandfather at the Spice Village Resort and earned Rs. 100 for his performance, a day’s wage for an Indian man. Just the other day the family needed food yet Chechi and Gopal both were out of money. We normally give them money but the ATM card they were using was stolen and the new one has not yet arrived. So twelve year old Eju told Chechi that he would go and do some work so they could eat. He went out and returned only a couple of hours later with Rs. 600 (for installing a home theater); this is a week’s wage for an Indian man. They all ate that evening and for many more days because of the baby they wanted to kill. Life has its ways of teaching us what we need to learn.

Stay tuned for the next installment – Stranded in India

Love and Blessings,
Michael Skowronski
Author of Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story

P.S. If you like this story and my other blogs then you will love my book. Please help us out by reading Unforgettable and telling your friends about it. You can purchase an autographed copy directly from my website or you can also find it on Amazon.com as well as BarnesAndNoble.com.

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Both crime and punishment are insane. To believe that you will get what you want by taking it from another, to believe that doing harm to another will serve you in some way, both are insane ideas. Anyone who is observing life clearly understands the insanity behind either approach to life. One popular definition of insanity states that to continue doing the same thing and expecting different results is insane. And it is. There is a feeling of frustration that goes along with insanity, which often causes anger and violence, or at least the thoughts to commit violent acts. Insanity is a lack of understanding of how life works, which plays out in the actions of the insane person. An insane person thinks or does certain things which give them results they do not want.

Consider the idea of punishing someone as our society does, locking them up in jail or prison for a long period of time. This is inhumane, this is torture, and in most cases patently unfair. The punishment is usually far more severe than the criminal act. The reason the severity seems necessary, is because punishment is such a poor way to get someone to change their behaviors, that we must go to great extremes for it to have any effect at all.

Punishment does harm to the individual who is already insane. If they committed a true crime, they are by definition insane. How will torturing someone like this alleviate their insanity? How do we expect their behavior to improve once released? What new lessons will that person have learned? In prison as they currently are, they will have become more skilled criminals. Locked up with others whose life skills consist of harming others, what else is there to learn? By being abused and neglected by those who watch over the prisoners what life lessons are learned?

And we can see the results if we open our eyes and observe. Most criminals go right out and commit another crime in order to be locked up once again. Do you know the reason? Not because they are looking for a free ride…a place to sleep and food, but because they feel safer and less judged amongst those of their own kind as opposed to the angry judgmental society that would do such a horrific thing to them in the first place.

Certainly there are those who are just broken by the experience, and those who leave prison and never commit another crime. Yet are they productive members of society, or just too frightened to fully participate anymore? I am confident that if we observe the results of our “justice” system we will find that in most cases (probably higher than 90%) it is failing miserably. And that is pure insanity. It says that as a society WE ARE INSANE!

Is there another way to protect the lives and properties of the people of our society? Most definitely there is, and the time has come for us to develop this system. Our goal should be to ensure the safety and well being of all people, even the insane criminals. Our goal should be to ensure that every citizen of society understands the proper use of their thoughts and actions in gaining the life experiences and objects that they desire. The actions we take to accomplish our goals should bear fruit. Our actions should deliver what it is we are seeking or we should adapt and evolve until we do accomplish our goals.

A Possible Solution

First we must do away with the idea of punishment. This is a must. There are all sorts of problems with punishment, the greatest being that it leads to dishonesty. And without truth, what can be accomplished? Without truth, we are dead in the water. We have nowhere to go when truth is absent. When there is no fear of punishment the truth should be much easier to discover. Why lie when you don’t have to?

Those who insist on punishment should fall into the same category as the perpetrator of the “crime”, insane, and as such both parties require treatment for their mental illness.

Developing new habits in the person who commits a crime should be our primary goal. ALL people operate out of habit most of the time. Rarely do people consciously choose their actions, and those that do are usually in the category of enlightened beings rather than criminals. You could argue that when a person steals an object, or does harm to another person, that they have consciously chosen to do that. But then I would argue that you really don’t understand people and life very well and thus you are not fit to be in a place of trying to solve this problem. Even those actions of theft and harm come from prior training. Habits of thinking like, “I can get what I want by stealing it, I can force that person to do my bidding by harming them or threatening them with harm,” are the real cause of their actions.

So we need to retrain people. Now it would be much easier, much more economically efficient, and much more humane if we actually offered this training from the get go. We should be doing a better job of training our children so that they don’t grow up to be criminals. We all know how horrible grade school and even high school years can be, with all of the bulling that goes on. This is the start of crime and it should be nipped in the bud.

But we still have to deal with an existing, predominantly insane society. And to do this we will need to provide retraining for a lot of adults with pre-existing insane ideas about life. People have to want to change in order to change. In the beginning we may need to keep the ultimate threat of punishment alive. The criminal would be given a choice, to participate in retraining, or have their freedoms severely restricted. They would be locked up in a reasonably comfortable prison cell, better than our current systems, and given good healthy food and good medical care. The only radio, TV, or reading material they would be allowed would contain positive, life affirming messages that in some way gave them a life skill that would improve their mental condition. Movies that promote violence and vengeance like, “The Terminator” and “Die Hard” would be strictly forbidden.

The retraining option should treat offenders with as much respect and dignity as possible. They should work one on one with guidance counselors to establish new skills and habits. Those criminals who have been successfully retrained would be prime candidates to assist newly discovered criminals in their retraining. Look at the good works that programs like Alcoholics Anonymous does. Reformed alcoholics, those with a real understanding of both sides of the problem, are helping those who are still struggling with their problem to transform.

Certainly there are more details that need to be fleshed out. But if we try we can do this. There is enough awareness in the world, there are enough people with love and compassion and an enlightened understanding of Life to solve this problem. The biggest problem we face is that the majority of people on the planet still don’t understand Life and are not paying attention, and not observing what is working and what is not. They are organized, they are active, and they are insanely working to perpetuate the problem. Those of us with awareness must become organized and must set about to solve this problem as well as all of the other problems that plague our world today.

How can we do that? Right now we have no system for problem solving. We need one. I have made a proposal for a system that will work in my blog titled International World Government. It contains something I call a World Solutions Database and a computerized system to facilitate working out these solutions with people who are intelligent and offering ideas that will work. (We need to work these issues out for all of the world, not just America.) I suggest you read that blog too. I fully intend to develop that system once I have the financial resources to do so…unless someone beats me to it…and that is fine with me since I already have a great deal of work on my plate.

We don’t need government approval to begin. We can solve some of the world’s problems in spite of the idiots who are currently running the world. And when we do our successes will speak for themselves and attract others to join us.

Love and Blessings,
Michael Skowronski
Author of Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story
Also on Amazon.com and BarnesAndNoble.com…including awesome book reviews!

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Where are you going in your life? Are you seeking heaven or hell?

If you are seeking hell, then judgment such as the title of this article will take you there quicker than the actions of those in the title. Wait now, don’t close off and run away…even if you differ in opinion, and you have a right to, for your sake read this full article and take it all in. Then experiment in your own life with these ideas and in time you will discover the truth. Are you willing to discover truth and move beyond belief?

If you are seeking heaven, if you are seeking a peaceful life, if you want to make this planet a safe place for our children to grow up in and play, then this article will show you how to create that in a very practical way.

First let’s get this point straight…Judgment, Hatred and Anger will take you to hell faster than anything I know of. Believe me I speak from personal experience. I have been working through these issues for many years now. I have made great progress and most people that really know me consider me quite advanced in how I handle difficult situations when compared to the majority of people in the world. But that is not good enough for me. I want perfection in my personality. I want never to respond or react in judgment, never in anger, and never in hatred. And I believe that is attainable based upon the progress I have already made and the shining examples set forth by other masters I have studied.

God gives us what we ask for. And for the last year I have been asking to heal this issue in me totally. And God has been answering my prayers in spades! In the last year events that triggered such strong negative emotion within me have been occurring ever more frequently, thus giving me the chance to work through my issues. Things like being setup by six people at Microsoft to be fired from my job, because they were jealous of me as published author. The games began after I advertised at work and having read at least some of my book they knew it would be successful. Another example is a housemate who was jealous of my relationship with my wife Shyni. She put dishwashing soap in our food when Shyni left the room, hoping I would fight with Shyni over the horrible meal. A different jealous housemate tormented us for weeks and tried to get us evicted from a home we had been renting a room in for six months. She had been there only two months, eventually after only a verbal confrontation from me, she called the police and claimed that I assaulted her (I certainly did not) and got me thrown into jail, twice…for a total of six days and four nights. And the list goes on.

Okay, so don’t worry. This is not the path I suggest you take. My goals are probably different from yours. Most people would simply like to have a life of peace, comfort, abundance and love. That is pretty simple to acquire and does not require such stringent work on self. My goal is Samadhi, divine and complete union with God, while still in the physical body. My goal is conscious control and ability to enter this state at will. Perhaps you think I am dreaming, but I have had a taste and I want more. Thus I am not afraid to face the darkness that still lives inside of me. I am in the process of reprogramming myself and I know that God will not give me anything that I cannot handle. To learn how to reprogram yourself click here …don’t be afraid to reprogram youself, you get to choose your own goals!

Getting back to the main point of this article…Judgment, Hatred and Anger will take you to hell faster than anything I know of. Believe me I speak from personal experience. During these extra difficult situations I found it difficult to keep my mind clear and loving. Judgment, Hatred and Anger all slipped in and took me for a ride. I lost control of my mind. Usually I am very much in control. Normally I let my feelings, especially negative emotions, alert me to the fact that I am thinking incorrectly. I stop my thoughts and deliberately go through my memories for more pleasant experiences to bask in until I feel good again. I do this all of the time and it works wonders! Peace returns and I have power and abilities beyond ordinary men…not a joke, I am totally serious.

But somehow, these extra difficult circumstances caused me to feel justified in my Judgment, Hatred and Anger. During these traumatic events I found it extremely difficult to change my focus. While sitting in jail I kept imagining myself beating that woman so badly that she would remember it for life. While in jail I had spoken to my wife, who was still in the house with that woman, and Shyni was being harassed without mercy, without me there to protect her. And it was not just the one housemate at this point; she had turned everyone else in the house against us too. So my mind was going crazy. Justifiable or not, my thoughts still ruined my experience of life while I contemplated them. They still pumped harmful chemicals into my bloodstream thus reducing my physical vitality and making me more prone to long term illnesses. I could feel it. I had not felt so horrible in years. Normally I am in a state of deep love, deep appreciation. Normally I am happy, peaceful, kind, and helpful. So the contrast was dramatic. A very clear lesson to me, and one I eventually worked through with much effort.

Our Judgments, Hatred and Anger have no benefit to us whatsoever. They will not benefit anyone in this world. They will only poison us, they will poison others. We will set a bad example for our children and those who look up to us. How many people lie in hospital beds right now suffering from cancer? It has reached epidemic proportions. I know people, I know them very well; most people hang out in Judgment, Hatred, and Anger way too often, way too long. Too much of the hormone cortisol is secreted into our blood stream at stressful times like this…cortisol has been linked to cancer and to Alzheimer’s disease. Do you want those diseases? Do you want to teach your children how to contract those diseases?

By contrast…our Love will heal everything that needs healing. Our compassion will help us see clearly what really can work to heal ourselves and our planet. Our acceptance of the trials and difficulties we co-create with God, through our own past erroneous programming and present negative thinking, will cleanse us of our sins, our negative karma will be washed away, our point of attraction will change such that we receive love and support and kindness from others. This too I have MUCH experience with. Please read my book and you find overwhelming evidence to this effect.

So if you feel justified in your Judgment, Hatred and Anger, please reflect back on what I am teaching you. We must all learn from our own experiences, this I understand. Go into judgment full force, get angry, hate…and feel how it feels. Do you like it? Do you attract beautiful things and events into your life when you are in Judgment? OBSERVE. And then Reprogram Yourself.

Even the Drug Addicts, even the Prostitutes, even the Child Molesters, even the liars and the cheaters, need the space to experience and understand life… And we must allow them to learn from their experience. We must help them, not hurt them. We must clear the logs out of our own eyes before we attempt to remove the splinters from theirs. We must own the pain in our own lives, the pain does not come from others; the pain comes from where and how we focus our minds. Keeping this lesson in mind may just rescue you from your next painful situation much faster. I hope it does. That is the reason I am sharing such personal information.

We are All One Being. I love myself. And I love You. Please be well.

Love and Blessings,
Michael Skowronski
Author of Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story

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Continued from…

The problem with drugs is that we believe they are a problem and we lay our blame on them. In the past much of humanity used to blame our problems on sex. Money and greed also used to be the root of all evil. Rock and Roll even got the bad rap for a while.

What will be next?

Like fire, drugs are a tool, they can either heal or do harm. They are not a problem. Lack of self-esteem and awareness are the real problems. The sorts of drugs people take “recreationally” are enhancers and intensifiers. They enhance and intensify our state of mind. People who would do no harm to others, do no harm to others on drugs. There are plenty of people who consume illegal drugs and are not doing harm to others, they are even helping others.

A person who commits a harmful act under the influence of drugs, only revels the confusion and insanity that lives in their mind. In many ways it is good that they took the drugs, and finally let the sickness that was living in their minds out to be seen. Now it can be addressed… or can it? Not if one blames the problem just created on the drugs or those who sell them.

The problem is in the mind of the individual who created the problem, not the drugs.

Now, I know of plenty of reformed drug addicts who would say, “I would never harm another person, but when I was using drugs, I did.” Yet, in their energy I can feel they are still intending harm even now. Some people say that is different than doing harm. No, not really. By holding it in your intention the energy is out there and it will create. Under stress, it will come out directly through you. Drugs can put the body under extreme stress. It is at those times that the practiced, habitual thoughts comes out; in words and deeds.

This is one way to know when you have met someone who understands their oneness with the All That Is. Under stress, they continue to treat the other as they would like to be treated. And that is with Love and Compassion.

You see, we really have no right to judge others in any way. No one is free of guilt in the intending harm department. Even if you do not do it now, you have at some point in your eternal life. This could become quite a big topic, so I will just leave it at that for now.

All problems have the same source, not knowing who you really are. That is intentional. The game of life was setup that way. The only solution worth pursuing, the only game worth playing, is getting to know one’s own True Self.

Which brings us around to the war on drugs…Pushing against anything, resisting anything, only creates more of it. It is in the nature of God, the perfection of Our evolution, that it is Our focus that creates and increases creation…even if that creation is harmful. Eventually the creation will become so big that there is no denying how it came to be and how to change it.

Thus this problem we call drugs too shall pass. Would you like that to happen sooner or later? If your answer is sooner, take a different course of action. Stop pushing against drugs and accept them as nothing more than a choice, a choice we will cease to make once we have healed our self-esteem and had enough experience with living a life that does work and is gratifying.

Stop making new laws and reverse the existing laws against drugs. Stop making others feel worse for taking them. Focus on loving those who consume drugs and lead them to the joys of life. Love them so completely, make a clear and aware life so appealing, that they can see the pain they are inflicting on themselves, and see through your example a better way that does work.

It is very sad how many of our brothers and sisters and children we have allowed our legal system to imprison merely because they consume drugs. One person is too many.

Our prisons are way too inhumane to continue as they are. Please understand the insanity of our current system. We punish, torture and abuse people who are mentally ill. They must be ill for them to commit a crime. Then after a long period of time we set them free with the new skills they learned in prison. Can you imagine the new level of respect they would have for a society that would do such a thing. How barbaric, can’t you see why things keep getting worse? What do we expect? This energy came from those who drug us by the ears.

Contemplate on all We have taught you and see if you can imagine a future where we actually teach and heal offenders instead of punishing them. There are a lot of new age healers around these days who are wishing they had people to heal. Maybe we could put them to work.

What you do to the least of my brother, you do unto me.

Your children and grand children will have to grow up in this world we are creating. You will incarnate again into this world.

Love is the answer to all of our problems. It really and truly is. Please, choose it sooner, in every thought and action, rather than later.

Love and blessings to you,
Michael Skowronski
Author of Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story

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