Unforgettable Love Story

These questions came in one single email from a friend. I broke them into pieces and answered them a section at a time. So although it may appear that I ask a question and my friend answers, that is not the case.

ONE*derful

I view God as a very loving being/entity/energy that sees me as who I am…a part of God. But here’s where I start getting scared and confused….

Sometimes I wonder if God really exists.

I believe what really worries you is if there really is something else after death or not. Do you continue to exist after you die?

Let’s look at it this way…existence is to something, as nonexistence is to nothing. Nothing is not possible, because once you have something, nothing ceases to be. Nonexistence is not possible, because once you have existence, nonexistence ceases to be. If there was ever a state where nothing was, where would something come from? If there was ever a state of nonexistence, where would existence come from? If existence were to end, where would it go, where could it go, how could nonexistence be possible? If you ceased to exist we would all cease to exist. If you truly contemplate these things you will see that the state of nonexistence is impossible.

God is a name for the creator of all things. God is all things, all things are contained within God. Does God really exist? Do you exist? Certainly you exist, thus there must be a God that created you and everything else that exists.

I mean, EVERYbody has their own interpretations of God and the afterlife. They can’t all be right. Most religions claim that they have the whole truth (mormonism seems to have a corner on that market!!). All people can back their claims with ‘miracles’, visitations, religious experiences, you name it.

So this is my first confusion: Why does everybody get their own proof?? That includes not only religions, but also new agers, spiritualists, wiccans, reincarnationists, etc.

Backing their claims up with miracles, visitations and religious experiences does not mean they understand it all. It IS proof to that person that there is more to this world than meets the five senses, but their version of it, their understanding of it, may not be, and for most people who claim such things, is not complete.

Religions were created by unaware and unenlightened humans who were inspired by an aware and enlightened master’s life and deeds. Masters do not start religions…ordinary people do! Some religions, such as Mormonism were started by a person who experienced some sort of divine inspiration and connection with God, but that does NOT make him a “Fully Enlightened Master.” The individual own proof that you asked about is this divine inspiration that a person experienced while connecting with God.

But here is what happens…People take a REALLY HUGE experience and try to stuff it into a very tiny physical reality construct and try to explain it in even more limited words to people who haven’t even had their own divine experience with God so they are even further unable to relate to what is being said which leads to a lot of confusion, and beliefs, and debates.

(Here is a clue…a person who KNOWS, not believes, but KNOWS will not debate. They may teach, they may correct a misstatement by another person, but when it turns into a debate they let go because they KNOW and the other person obviously does not. There is no point or value in debating. A person who debates does not know, they believe, which is NOT knowing. A person who does not know should be asking questions, not debating as if they know.)

A newbie takes their miracles, visitations and religious experiences and somehow tries to fit them into the context they can understand and describe based upon their training and programming. This is natural; there really is nothing else they can do with it. So a person who is heavily steeped in Christian beliefs and has a near death experience may experience Jesus waiting to welcome him on the other side, or if they were terribly evil, did not confess their final sins, or something else may even find the devil waiting to take him away. Or a person who believes in Mohammad would find Mohammad waiting for her to guide her to heaven. Or if a person did not believe anything at all, except it was the end of life, and they were not so nice to some people, they might just experience how their actions felt to the other person. The point is each person experiences something that is compatible with their beliefs and level of awareness.

The ultimate truth of things is that each of us is an incarnation of God, and as such we carry all of the attributes of God…in His image we were created. As such what we think about creates! When we are on the other side, our beliefs influence what we experience there. When we take our non-physical divine experience and try to translate it into the limitation of physical expression we also create a reality that we then begin to experience on a daily basis. Then that person, especially if they are a newbie, can get lost in their own creation and their creation can over time become more real to them than their original experience.

For most people their proof was a single or rare occurrence that they do not have control of. The limitation of their experience does not give them enough time to explore every aspect of the inner workings of creation so they fill in the gaps with whatever it was they believed at the time. Thus a person such as this has the limitation of their own experience when they attempt to present a vision of the spiritual side of life. I too have some of these limitations. I can go very deep into meditation, I get a lot of divine inspiration, I have an inner teacher guiding me, but I cannot yet go into the state of Samadhi at will.

However I have created many big changes in myself which has resulted in many miracles and many amazing coincidences and I continue to change and have such experiences on a regular basis…this is why I speak of the practical nature of spirituality. This gives me the confidence that I do indeed have some level of understanding of spirituality and the nature of life. This level of proficiency I have comes from an understanding that matches what all of the great enlightened masters teach. The more you understand the true nature of life, the more able you are to put it to use and the more practical it becomes. Results…when you understand the true nature of life, you get results by simply changing your mind and the thoughts you think.

Imagine if you were a fly trying to describe an elephant you saw. You came upon him from the front, flew over the top side, landed on his back for a short rest, and then continued flying on right past his rear. You spent nearly five minutes with this elephant before flying off. Another fly, a friend of yours was at his back side but got distracted by the poo he dropped and began feeding immediately. Another fly friend was flying low and flew right under the elephant and just kept on going.

Later you and your two friends meet up and begin to describe this beast you came upon. Your friends swear the elephant was completely grey. But you saw pink patches around his ears and his upper body. One of your friends saw his tail which you saw too, but the other did not. One of your fly friends saw four legs, which you did not really get a good look at, but the other friend saw only two legs. You also saw the trunk and tusks and actually felt his skin and the little bits of hair scattered about. All three of you had a different experience of this elephant and have a different memory. Since you were flies with short lives, that was your one and only experience of an elephant. There were a few other fly friends who had never seen such a beast. Some of them believed in this grey giant who was reportedly the source of unlimited food since they had heard stories like yours before. But most of your other friends thought you were full of crap and imagined the whole thing or were making up stories.

Well that story is a lot like people’s experience with God and the spiritual side of our lives. Many people really are describing the same thing, but from a different perspective. Yes there are plenty of people who have no personal experience, have only read books or listened to the tales of others. Certainly there are many who are simply full of crap. But there are also many fully enlightened masters who have experienced our divine nature in great depth and detail and from many various perspectives too. Some of these masters have left their wisdom and stories of their experience for us to read and gather clues from in order for us all to have our own experiences.

One of the things I have going for me is that I have studied the teaching of many masters who have been able to enter this state of Samadhi at will as well as the teachings of many channelers who have a very clear communication with God and I have had enough of my own Samadhi experiences and guidance too. All of these different teachings I have studied have given me a three dimensional perspective on this really huge concept we call God and spirituality. It is like I have flown all around this elephant and seen it from many, but not all, of the sides it is possible to see it from. Also I have been getting positive feedback from the Universe in the form of RESULTS. Ultimately you must take all of this information, from many different sources, apply what makes the most sense to you, and gain your own experience and results. Belief is of no value except to spur you on to taking action. Knowledge and experience is where the real value is.

My second confusion: If reincarnation is a true reality, then I feel like all of life is hell. I’ll tell you why: Because I love my identity. I have people tell me that this is just my ego talking and that when I realize who I really am (a soul, not Kristy) I will be thrilled to know and losing my identity as Kristy won’t hurt at all.

Your ego-body identity is like a car that you get into or a piece of clothing that you put on. Only some of the real you is inside of this ego-body you identify with. One day this ego-body will get old and worn out and you will be ready to shed it so that the real you, which is inside, can experience the freedom from the limitations this ego-body places upon you.

Your friends are right, when you do lose your identity as Kristy it will not hurt at all, you will be thrilled. You will also realize that the real you, the you that you know, that very same voice you hear inside of your head that you think is Kristy, is still the same…and immortal too! (This realization at death does depend upon how much you wake up now…see my blog The Evolution of a Soul for more details in that regard. But I would expect that someone who is open minded enough to even explore this topic would also be aware of the transition that occurs at death and be able to make the best of it.)

However, you will not really lose your identity as Kristy. Kristy has always existed and always will exist. You can go back and re-experience the life of Kristy anytime you wish. You can experience it the same way you are experiencing it this time, or you can make different choices and live it a different way and have a different experience.

In reality time does not exist, it is all happening now, you are right now being born and you are also right now dying, right now you are also living in the afterlife and all of your past and future lives are also occurring right now too. It is your perspective and your focus in this place of time and space that causes you to experience only this particular isolated experience. Neale Donald Walsh’s book At Home with God in a Life that Never Ends does a great job of describing this in more detail.

Are you sad that you are no longer driving the first car you ever had? If you could have it back, right now, in its brand new condition, would you want it back? How about your old clothes? Are you sad that you do not have them to wear right now? What if you could have the brand new version of the clothes you wore twenty years ago, would you want to wear them today?

If I truly HAVE lived other lives, then I most surely loved my identity in many of them, and also loved other people (spouses, lovers, children, etc.). And yet I don’t remember a single one of the past people of my other selves (except I sometimes have glimpses of memory that are very intense and real and could be little memories of past lives…??). This makes me sad that all those loves and lives are forgotten. And it brings me little comfort thinking that my ’soul’ retains the memories and the lessons from those lives.

Here’s the deal, though: I am SO happy in this existence right now. My husband is a walking god and he treats me like a queen. He never judges me. He loves me unconditionally. He makes me feel valued, loved, adored, cherished, and even makes me feel HOLY. He is so compassionate and generous and nearly perfect to me. And then there’s my children. I have four of them, ages 27, 15, 6 and 3 (QUITE THE AGE SPAN, EH???) I ADORE my children. One of them (the six year old) is special needs…she has Sotos Syndrome.

You could not have this experience you are SO happy to be having if you remembered your past lives and everything else about yourself. If you remembered how you murdered someone, or lied, cheated and stole your guilt would get in your way and you would feel too inferior to do the great things you shall do now. If you remembered how wealthy you once were you would be sad to live in this limitation. If you remembered how passionately you were in romantic love with your child in a past life, you might be frustrated or confused now, you might commit acts that were illegal or jeopardize your relationship with your husband. If you remembered how badly your husband abused you in a past life, you might not trust him in this life. (This is a generalized response for all people and not intended to state an absolute truth about the past lives of Kristy. However, from the best of my awareness we all have some dramatically negative experiences in our pasts.) And if you truly remembered who you really are, the complete story, the full picture of Life itself, you would not be able to experience anything negative because you would know this manifest world is not real, you would not be able to experience anything positive because without negative there is no positive.

There is a reason you forget it all…forgetting is what makes this experience possible. Without forgetting, you could not have any of this. You wanted to feel sad, angry, and frightened that is why you created it this way. You would not feel that if you knew you were God, if you knew you were totally fine no matter what happened. The realizations that I have of how life works prevents me from being able to experience certain things that I used to love and other people still do love experiencing. I no longer enjoy playing games, but I do enjoy watching others enjoy. I no longer enjoy hanging out with other people for idle chit chat and discussing the news, the shows, the weather, the gossip, whatever, but I do enjoy experiencing their joy with this part of life. I simply enjoy being and I enjoy creating, I enjoy helping others and I enjoy experiencing my creations. Remembering who you are and what you are takes away a lot of possibilities.

Are you SO happy that you want to relive this day over and over, never moving forward to the next day? If tomorrow comes things will change. Did you see the movie Groundhog’s Day ? It is a very accurate description of how life really is. We can and do actually re-experience our lives and make different choices. Although the memory of the details of what happens does not remain in your conscious mind, your desires and what you don’t desire, which grew from each choice made and each experience gained, causes you to make the choices you make now.

Thus when it comes time for your life to end, that too is a choice, it is a point of completion that you naturally come to with this life experience you call Kristy. It is simply moving on to the next form you want life to take. In your other incarnations your husband and kids will certainly be there too, but playing different roles. Perhaps not in every moment of them, but they are not involved with every moment of your life even now. And one day they will all be grown up and move away from home; perhaps to another part of the world…life is always changing. Are you saying you just want a Groundhog’s Day sort of life where this day never changes and keeps repeating?

Here is a huge fear of mine: I fear that if reincarnation is a true principle, then I’ll lose “Kristy” forever once I “die”, and then I will also lose KARL forever. It makes me cling to every moment in this life, but instead of doing it joyfully, I do it in immense fear. I feel like God gave me the most beautiful soul imaginable to share my life with (and my kids, too), and then he’ll take it all away when I die. It almost feels like a big huge cosmic joke. I had a friend write and tell me that “God doesn’t kill to save” but I would like her to elaborate more on that.

So are you happy or are you miserable? You said earlier that you were SO happy in this existence and now you are saying you cling to your life with immense fear. It is when you are grateful for what you do have and when you are present in your now experience that you are SO happy. It is when you worry about these things you don’t understand and cling as if you will lose something that you are in fear and misery. So stop the clinging and the worry…let the feeling of fear be an alarm bell going off that tells you that you are using your mind incorrectly. You are creating fear with your thoughts. You could be creating happiness by being grateful for the moment instead. The choice is yours. It depends upon what you do with your mind.

You will not lose anything. You ARE everything. Life as we experience it here and now, an experience that you are SO happy to be experiencing, is an experience of limitation and of separation. When you really do experience that you are everything and have everything it will be an experience of bliss beyond description…which also gets old so we choose limitation for “a period of time” so we can experience something other than pure bliss. Obviously we get bored easily that is why we constantly change. But that is to be expected since this all goes on forever and has already been going on forever.

I cannot bear the thought of not having my dear Karl forever. It is HELL to me. That would be hell to not have Karl. And it would be hell for me to lose my identity and his.

So don’t think those thoughts if you cannot bear to have them. It is you who are putting yourself into hell. And those thoughts are simply not true. Karl will always exist, just as you always exist.

I sometimes feel (in weaker moments) that if God exists, he is an asshole because he makes it so hard for his children to know who he REALLY is. WHY is there so much confusion? I don’t read scriptures anymore, but when I did, I remember God saying that “he isn’t a god of confusion”. I beg to differ!

Of course God exists, because you are God and you exist. I already explained why we forget…since you do not remember who you are it can be confusing. But if you were not confused, many of these experiences that you are SO happy to have would not be possible.

I have several friends who are really into “ACIM” (A Course in Miracles). This makes no sense to me thus far, because according to ACIM, God created a “son” (Christ Jesus) who was perfect. God cannot create anything that isn’t perfect. According to ACIM, God’s perfect son had an imperfect thought (a “tiny mad moment”) about separation, and as a result, fell asleep. Christ then had a dream of separation, and the result is “us”. The dream is US and also many reincarnated lives having many different experiences…and they teach that this entire life and any other life or planet or universe is all an illusion. NOTHING exists but God.

It has been at least fourteen years since I read ACIM but I don’t believe it refers to God’s son as Christ Jesus, but as Christ. We are all that son…Jesus was aware of being Christ, we are all Christ but most of us still don’t know it. The rest of what you said is pretty much true. This is an illusion. But it sure seems pretty real doesn’t it! Thank God for separation and forgetting and illusions, otherwise this experience we are all having would not be possible. If you really remembered this would all disappear…but do not worry, because you remember this illusion as well, it would all come back to you anytime you decided to be in separation again.

The fallacy in this, for me, is that if God creates nothing but perfection, then he can’t have a perfect son that can have an imperfect thought, let alone an imperfect dream about separation. That would make God imperfect and that just can’t be.

God is a dichotomy. Multiple, conflicting things are all true at the same time. At the basis of it all however is perfection. We simply are. We exist. We are Life itself. We cannot be destroyed and there is nothing outside of us. We are All That Is. There is nothing lacking, we have everything we need and will ever need. All the while this is true, we are also living in a body and take on a perspective that we are small and tiny amongst a vast creation. Pain and suffering seems to happen and we call this imperfect. In a perfect world we would not suffer. So the impossible has been made possible, yet the impossible and the imperfection can all disappear the moment we remember and expand beyond this tiny perspective we have chosen.

I love Neale Donald Walsch’s stuff, except for I literally sobbed (wailed) when I read the part that we FOREVER reincarnate. That is hell to me. I also REALLY struggle over Neale’s teaching that God is forever changing and expanding. I thought God was the same today, now and forever? ?????? Why would God need to experience things if he already knows everything? I realize that knowledge and experience are two different things. I can know ABOUT jumping out of a plane with a parachute, but I can’t truly have a full knowledge without the experience. But still…

Why not reincarnate forever? Do you have a better idea of what to do with forever? You can be God, you can be whole and complete anytime you choose. But right now you are not choosing that. Right now you are choosing to be deeply entrenched in this illusion we all have created, for the fun of it, for the experience of it, in order to utilize our creative powers. What is boredom? Boredom comes from not using your power. Even though being whole and complete is bliss it also becomes boring when it lasts forever. Thus you use your power to create, forever!

What God really and truly is never does change. But the creations of God never cease, why should they? What if God just stopped creating and experiencing? FOREVER! Wouldn’t that be boring?

I am rambling and pouring out my deepest feelings, and I have yet so many more to touch on. But I don’t want to keep you here all day. I hope you can help me and bring some light to these subjects. I am so tired of losing things and I don’t want to lose my darling Karl or my children, let alone my identity or theirs. It makes life seem meaningless.

Life IS meaningless! Life has NO meaning. Life simply is. That means there are NO musts, and NO shoulds, and NO things you have to do. We do it all by choice. We are free.

Do not focus on what you have lost. That is a mind game that will only bring you pain and suffering. Focus on what is, focus on what you do have, and be in gratitude for it. What if you had ten thousand friends, lovers, parents and children all in your home with you right now? If you added up all the loved ones from all of your incarnations it would come out to a large number such as this, perhaps much larger. How would you talk to them all? How could you have an experience with them all? How could you do that?

When you have two hands full, you must let go of one thing in order to pick up something else. The fact that you want to keep it all, hold it all, play with it all, is why life keeps changing and you move from one form to another, one lifetime to another, one relationship to another, so that you can interact with it all, so that you don’t lose any of it, so that you experience all of it. You have all of eternity to experience Karl and your children and the rest of your family which we call humanity. Be happy about that.

All is in Divine Perfection.

Love and Blessings,
Michael Skowronski
Author of Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story

image credits to bitzcelt

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I got the following email from a friend and am answering it here in this blog…with her permission of course.

Hey Michael,

I am in a sort of internship I believe. I still have some issues of my own. Most of the abuse I have sustained was of the psychological kind and was done at the time when I was most absorbent (childhood). So… I feel that I have forgiven but that my next step is to accept that I will know this same harmful intent in others.

I think I am what is called a “sensitive”. I respond to the feelings of others…and yes, I have always said that I can feel the feelings of others. My problem is that I am not always able to determine that the feelings are not necessarily directed at me; therefore I ‘think’ they are. As a result I become angry or hurt.

In a way, that is the same as saying I feel responsible and that is not healthy.

I am NOW able to acknowledge when I feel extremely uncomfortable around others; when I sense their toxicity; their ambivalence.

Munga, you made a very good observation here. First of all it does not matter if it was directed at you or not. What matters is do you really deserve the energy being projected? Do you know? Are you clear enough to know?

Most people “think” that the words and perceived attitude of others are directed at them. This is a very standard assumption we all make. I still catch this happening in myself when my wife becomes unhappy. When she finally gets around to explaining it to me, it is due to something else. Either she is physically uncomfortable for some reason, or she is worrying about something else or somebody else in her family. Now my wife is pretty honest and owns her own stuff, but other people are not so honest, or worse don’t even understand their own minds and do not even know what it is they are thinking about. Other people may even truly believe YOU are the problem of the moment, and they project that energetically upon you or they project it quite vocally with words. So this causes most people to doubt themselves.

This is the point of work that needs to be done in many people who are sensitive and who will develop their sensitivity in the future. We need to be clear at all times about ourselves, who we are, what our intentions are, what we think and what we do. And when we do make mistakes, out of habit, and go against our true intention, we need to recognize that we have done so and take the steps necessary to reprogram our habits such that we come into alignment with our true intentions. Which I would assume is, to be loving and harmless in all of our thoughts and deeds. If that is not your intention, then guilt will surely follow you all the days of your lives!

UnforgettableBook.com

“THE BOOK IS SPECTACULAR…THOUGH I FIND MYSELF SOMETIMES LAUGHING..SOMETIMES CRYING AND OTHER TIMES I AM LAUGHING AND CRYING SIMULTANEOUSLY, OVERALL, I AM ENJOYING IT VERY MUCH…AND YOU’RE RIGHT MIKE IT IS A LOVE AND SPIRTUAL GROWTH STORY.”

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People think perfection is not possible. They say, “We are only human.” But when a person realizes that perfection is very simple then it becomes possible. I say that perfection is making it your intention to be loving and harmless in every thought, word, and deed and reprogramming your habits of thought, word and deed that go against that intention. For me making a mistake such as spilling the milk, or hitting the gas pedal when you meant to hit the breaks or some other such human mistake does not mean a person is not perfect. But to remain loving and harmless in the midst of anything that occurs, intentional or accidental, that is perfection.

When your intention is to be loving and harmless, and your habits nearly always reflect that intention, then it is easy to not take the energetic or spoken resentments and accusations of others as if you are at fault. If your intentions and actions are clear, then begin to remind yourself of this every time someone near you gets upset and you will soon find yourself at peace in these sorts of situations.

The other problem we face is we want the other person to understand us, to understand our intentions and to change how they view us and our actions. If this understanding does not come for them automatically it is not likely to come at all. We can argue with people, and try to convince them, but unfortunately even if they pretend to be convinced, in most cases they will hold on to their perceived experience and hold you responsible for whatever negative feelings they have. This may seem like a sad realization and a sad outcome, but ultimately our awakening and our clarity does lead us to increasingly better circumstances for ourselves. It really does not matter what other people think about us.

Recently, I had to get another job, for financial reasons. I have had to change jobs 3 times in the last three years. I am not someone who does this… I would like to find my niche and hang in there; my personality is such that I am loyal and tenacious. But…due to some odd circumstances, I have had to move on and continue to find work in other places. I have a lot to give to a company.

Odd circumstances, hmmm…sounds like the hands of God at work here. Didn’t you say you were in internship? Internship for what…running a corporation or healing the planet? Those who are waking up are indeed in an internship. And we are here at this moment in time to transform this planet. These shakeups we experience when we are so very close to enlightenment are those things that will shake loose those old habits of thought word and deed that no longer serve us. These shakeups give us the training necessary to understand what we are up against, and what our true job in this world is.

I found a job that looked like something I would like. With the right training, I could run this office like a well oiled machine. They hired me on the spot! I was pleased. But before the interview took place, I noticed that one of the co-workers (my equal) was very hostile towards me. Not overtly but passively. I felt terribly uncomfortable but kept telling myself not to be “paranoid”.

Be careful, be watchful, and be aware when you feel this sort of thing. Certainly the hostility is there. Not everyone wants their work environment to run like a well oiled machine. When they slack off, when they need time for themselves, it will be noticed. They will be resentful that you have taken this away from them. It is unfortunate but most companies don’t just give employees enough free time in their day to tend to their own needs. Thus we all create it and hide it in the cracks of the disorganization that exist.

I have been on the job for three weeks and the other person up and quit because she was so intimidated by my presence. This was so upsetting to me. I had done nothing to her but get hired! I am shy and reserved but friendly and kind… I know this about myself. I tried to be “nicer” to her, sensing her insecurities, but that only seemed to add fuel to the fire.

Problem is, if I am in the workplace; there is nowhere to go… there is often no choice but to hang in there. I’m sure others will say, “Quit the job” but that is not an option for me at this point. I just started!!! I kept thinking that this situation was one that I caused.

Yes, you are the cause. Your light is shinning too brightly and you give those who cower in the darkness nowhere to hide. So perhaps you should shrink back into the darkness, lie, cheat, and do a few evil deeds every once in a while so that you can be accepted. NOT! :^)

What is your job? Is it possible that in the course of your duties you may reveal something this person did that was wrong like some sort of embezzlement? Or were they frightened they would be seen as incompetent or too slow? Or is it that just having a nice person around made them sick?

I do know this…people are frightened, people are jealous, and people have low self-esteem. There are many reasons for this, but primarily and foremost is that it is NOT their intention to be loving and harmless in all of their thoughts, words, and deeds. If you dig deep enough into the reason they have low-self esteem you will find this issue is within them. For example, someone who has been abused could claim the low-self esteem is due to their abuse, but I say it is due to their desire for justice and judgment about what has been done to them and it could also be unhealed judgment of self due to their own past harmful and unloving intentions. Of course it is considered normal to want vengeance, but still it is the cause of the low self-esteem. We still have to get past our judgments if we ever expect to feel good about ourselves.

When your intention is to be loving and harmless then you know who you are and you feel good about yourself no matter what anyone says or does. This causes healthy self-esteem. It occurs over time as events occur and you witness yourself consistently responding in loving ways. Over time you receive internal guidance and you recognize your oneness with God and All That Is.

I know that is weird but you must know that women truly have different issues than men. With women, it is often about outward appearances; there is a vanity there in addition to everything else. This co-worker was morbidly obese, but then again, the three other employees (including boss) are also obese.

Certainly men and women face different issues; it is not so weird since we are biologically and socially different. A person who is generally considered physically beautiful does have to face the jealousy of those who are not generally considered physically beautiful. When the inner beauty is not there either, that jealousy comes out and can be felt.

Living in this world with other hurt people is not easy. There are no quick or fool proof solutions. I would love to be able to rise above the sickness in others, but I have a feeling that none of us is ever really healed, we just get better.

It is not easy, but it is possible…your healing can occur in spite of others who remain wounded! There are no quick solutions, but there are fool proof solutions. I just gave them above. It takes time, and it sounds to me like you are already on your way.

People are hurt, people are dysfunctional, and these are the facts of life. These wounded and dysfunctional people do seem to get in our way, they do seem to interfere with our lives, but we can change our focus and we can have peace and happiness no matter what is occurring in the outer world. I offer much advice along these lines in my other blogs such as Drowning in Worry and Reprogramming Yourself just to name a few. Over the course of our journey through life we gain much from even these experiences that challenge us.

When I realized that the co worker literally was directing HATE towards me, I tried talking to her in a tactful and gentle way. I told her I wanted us to get along and even enjoy working together. I felt good about what I said to her and felt I had done so in a loving and heartfelt way. Obviously, I should not have spoken about it to her because she merely became more resentful.

As you have found, most of the time talk does not cut it. You can’t talk your way out of being who you are. She hates you for who you are, a mirror that shows her who she is, which is a person she does not like. You are not willing and should not be willing to paint over your mirror with a pretty picture of who she is. Even your tactful and gentle talk mirrors back to her her own hatred and inability to be kind and loving.

I am not an overt, exciting person. I can’t walk in a room and uplift others by giving them extreme praise or making them feel wonderful. My personality is very calm and low key… but I smile and am friendly. This is the part I felt I had failed at. This is when, for a moment, I wished I were a different sort of person… one who could “win friends and influence people”.

To win friends and influence people by words alone or attempts to make them feel wonderful is a manipulation, it is fake and it is an energy that you do not want to engage in. When you are filled with your own sense of your true self, when your self-esteem is healthy and strong, when you are not frightened by the hatred, jealousy, and woundedness of others, when you trust life and that you ARE in the right place at the right time, you will walk into a room and uplift others by your mere presence. No words will be necessary. And those who are not uplifted will be those who are frightened by your light.

I think that I am a help to many of my friends… that they sense they are safe with me (and I with them) and we are able to help each other. But, that is not necessarily true of all relationships.

Agreed! You cannot help everyone. Not everyone will respond to you in the way you would like them to. Accept that and move on.

I wanted to be a help to my ex husband (while we were still married). (At first of course, I was very angry and showed my anger towards him). But after learning more, reading more, I tried to be loving and tolerant; knowing he suffered from alcoholism. But, to be honest, this change in me seemed to make things worse… now perhaps that is natural progression of alcoholism and nothing to do with me, but I was the one who had to eventually flee. Not for my life, but for my sanity. My already bruised ego hung perilously on the edge of a breakdown.

As we grow we must change our outer circumstances. It MUST occur and that is a good thing! We experience the pain of separation from the old, but wait…the new holds gifts for us. The new life circumstances contain many of the things we have been asking for.

I still question why my love wasn’t enough to help my ex. I still wonder why I have to “feel” the feelings of others. They only hurt for the most part.

Your love has helped, you just don’t see all the ways it has helped him yet. Your love wasn’t enough to “help” your ex because your ex has free choice. Your ex still has more to experience in the circumstances he chose for his life.

Do you have any thoughts on this? Or do you require money for your services? lol

Munga

I do not charge for my counseling services. I am especially grateful when someone allows me to be of service and allows me to post them in a blog so that others may be helped by the questions and answers.

Love and Blessings,
Michael Skowronski
Author of Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story
Also on Amazon.com and BarnesAndNoble.com…including awesome book reviews!

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This is continued from Drowning in Worry…

Letting go of attachments to people, places, things, or getting what you want, is the first thing you need to consider. You don’t need anything outside of yourself to make yourself happy. If you did then people with lots of stuff and plenty of money would be happy. But for the most part, they are unhappy too. Or they constantly need exciting things to happen in their lives to be happy, and when the excitement ends so does their happiness. Soon such people will enter a cycle of life where their resources are gone and they are forced to find happiness inside or be miserable. Perhaps you are in such a cycle now. This is Life’s way of teaching us; it is not a punishment as too many people think.

Slow Down. While the changes are in progress we need to slow down and change our expectations of life and of ourselves. We will make mistakes, love yourself anyway. You need to be okay with mistakes that have already been made, but then be firm and stick with your reprogramming efforts.

Feel Your Feelings. We need to check in frequently to make sure we are still on track. Something that felt good at one time may not feel good at another time. We need to feel, and notice when something does not feel good and then notice our focus, notice our thoughts. What are we thinking, what are we feeling, how do they relate? Where is our focus? We need to notice what our automatic reaction is and become aware of the programming that is to be changed.

Meditation and Contemplation. Is meditation a habit for you? It really is necessary in some form or another. Is it a joy for you? It can be and will be if you are doing it correctly. It should be as important in your day as eating, sleeping, bathing and exercising (if you are leaving one of those items out put it back in!) You need to be so skilled at meditation that you can sit down in a moment of deep suffering and bring yourself back into balance, back to peace. This requires practice, repetitive, ongoing, daily practice. If you say you don’t have time for meditation then what you are really saying is that you don’t have time to have a good life.

Visualizations. We need to visualize the way we want to be and the way we want life to be. We need to script our response to life for specific situations that come up and tie it to the triggering events. I give a powerful example of doing this in my post Reprogramming Yourself . This takes only 30 seconds to 2 minutes to do but should be repeated as often as you can until the change registers in your response. Your scripted response should be loving, it should feel good to contemplate it.

Stop Negative Thinking. You will know you are in negative thinking when you feel bad! Make sure you notice when you feel bad and then notice what you are thinking. During your visualization time, if negative thoughts occur stop them and counter them. You need to become skilled at finding new ways to view the situation such that you feel better about it and can respond from a loving place. Practicing this when you feel good will make it easier to do when you feel bad.

RESULTS. When you get results, you need to remember them, re-live them, use them to re-inspire yourself in the future when you are feeling blue and when you feel like you are not making any progress.

Hang Out ONLY with Positive People or People ONLY when they are Positive. This can and should take the form of books, movies, and audio programs. Of course this can be real live people too, but you may not have such people in your life at the moment, so do what you can with what you have. When negativity creeps into your experience, in whatever form, slow down, change your focus, change your thinking, end that particular dialog or end your visit with the person you are with. This may be difficult at first but it is necessary.

Prepare Yourself for the Life you wish to Live. Again this would be study of books, movies, audio programs, and classes that will prepare your mind and change your thinking. This can be fun as long as you are not attached to an outcome such as becoming rich this year. Educate yourself for the sake of enjoying the positive flow of ideas into your mind and life. Here are some book suggestions…

* “Rich Dad Poor Dad” by Robert Kiyosaki
* “Conversations with Millionaires” by Mike Litman
* “The One Minute Millionaire” by Robert Allen and Mark Victor Hansen

Reading these books or listening to them as audio books will teach you something about wealth. Being wealthy and staying wealthy is a skill. People who win the lottery most often end up in a worse position within a few years, deeply in debt, because they do not understand money, or how to make it work for them.

Stop watching TV and begin to study. Opportunities are coming to us all of the time. You must be the person who is ready and capable of taking advantage of the opportunities that are coming. Learn how to trade stocks, and practice without investing until you are very successful. Learn how to market on the internet. Learn how to manage others who will work for your business. Don’t get the idea you will be rich next week or even next year, but if you keep on studying and practicing, one day you will become rich and forever more you will have these skills programmed into your very being. A treasure that is stored up in heaven so to speak, a treasure that will travel with you into your next life times.

Read books on developing relationship skills. After all “Like Attracts Like”, which means if your skills have caused you to push men out of your life, then you will continue to do so, and you will not attract a man who is good for you. You will attract a man with relationship skills that match yours in some way.

My book, Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story , will teach you better relationship skills. It will also teach you how to make yourself happy and improve your self-esteem. And it is entertaining as well so it can satisfy multiple needs at the same time. And there are many other good books on these topics as well. Check out http://Abraham-Hicks.com . Abraham is one of the best teachers you will find.

While doing all of this study and practice, make happiness right now, each and every minute of each and every day, your 1 goal. If you do, everything else will fall easily into place.

I hope this helps. If ANYONE READING THIS BLOG has more specific questions feel free to post questions directly in my blogs and I will respond as I can and post them back in my blogs.

Namasté
Michael Skowronski
Author of Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story

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This blog is a response to a friend’s request for help. She has given permission to use her question and my answer in this blog. Here is her question…

“For the past many months my life has being going downhill. I have been trying to save money for a house, but it is not working. I have left two jobs in the past four months; I have even tried to work from home, but still no luck. For past seven years I have been a single parent, left on my own with eight kids. My saving are going down not up! I just turned 46 recently and all of a sudden I had this burning desire for a man to come into my life, to comfort me, and to lift my burden of having to always be on my own. I would like to try and achieve something with someone special in my life, and for it not always to be me working hard and not getting very far. But Michael I am still waiting. I feel so lost and I don’t know what to do, or if I will ever find someone that will be true to me and my kids.”

Here is my answer to my friend and all of you who suffer from similar problems…

I have compassion for you. I understand how it can feel like there is no way out. But there is a way out, and it is all contained in your own mind and thought processes. First I want to echo back what you said with some comments, and then I will get down to suggesting a path of recovery.

“My life has being going downhill.” I expect that is how you think and feel about your life and yet it is NOT the true facts about it. Your life is what you have created, what you have hoped for, asked for, dreamed for, and worried for…yes worried. Our worrisome thoughts are just as creative as our conscious deliberate thoughts, even more so since they run on automatic pilot and often go on and on for hours on end, day after day…and the conscious ones are held for only a few moments at a time, and probably days go by before you remember to dream a creative dream. So you have created this and likewise you can create something else.

“Eight Kids…” Wow you did set yourself up for a challenge! How much help are the kids? How much trouble? With the right resources and training you have yourself a small company! How many of them are up for the challenge of creating an internet business? Or some other sort of business? Just an idea.

“If I will ever find someone that will be true to me and my kids…” That too can be a challenge, most men would run screaming from such a situation…or enjoy you for as long as they can and then leave once it starts getting difficult or serious…but still it is not impossible to attract a man who will help…but having a man to help is not the only way to cope with this situation. So don’t be attached to that idea.

“My saving are going down not up!” That would be a scary picture to look at for almost anyone. You need something positive to be looking at when it comes to finances and this is not it.

“I turned 46 recently.” I hope that does not mean that you believe it is all downhill from here, or “what can possibly be left in my life if I still don’t have a solid relationship?” It is easy to think that way, but that is one of the kinds of thoughts you must catch and stop.

“A man to come into my life, to comfort me,” no one else can truly comfort you. You must learn to comfort yourself. Indeed someone can comfort you for a moment, but it won’t be long before their comfort will cease to sooth you and your worried mind will take over and ruin your life experience once again. They too will become a burden and cease being a comfort.

“And to lift my burden of having to always be on my own.” Someone else cannot lift your burden. Your burden is your worry and your attachment to your desire for something you do not have, not your life circumstances. There is nothing wrong with desire, but
attachment to the where and when and how it will show up will definitely cause you to suffer. Hold desire without attachment.

“And achieve something with someone special in my life.” Having a partner can be nice, or it can be hell…but you want a partner that has strength and courage and honesty and integrity and ability…is that right? Be sure you are clear about what kind of partner you want, and NOT someone who has just been released from jail or who prefers to hang out at the local pub with his mates. If you are clear you won’t waste your time with the wrong sort of bloke and you will know when the right one comes along. If all you want is a little sex and play and touch for a few hours, nothing wrong with that by the way, then be clear about that when it happens and make sure he does not hang around like a lost puppy.

“And for it not always to be me working hard and not getting very far.” When the work is hard, it is because you are swimming upstream. When you stop doing that then it will stop being hard work. You must learn to go with the flow. It may seem like the flow is not taking you where you want, but that is impossible…the flow is always going where you want, it is your vision that is limited. You have not yet learned how to trust Life so you go against it.

“I am still waiting.” Stop waiting and make yourself happy now. Never wait, make yourself happy in each moment. Then with each passing day count the blessings you do have, and the desires that have become manifest. That is much more fun.

“I feel so lost and I don’t know what to do.” Your thoughts are attacking you. You believe something has gone horribly wrong in your life. Make yourself happy. That is what you need to do!

Okay so I have picked apart the things you have written. I hope I did not offend you, that was not my intention. You need to learn how to do this very same thing for yourself. First write out your problem, then go back and read your own words, your own thoughts, and find out what is wrong with them, but more importantly challenge them with thoughts that feel much better.

There are two approaches you can take…1) going after financial resources and a man to help…or 2) going after happiness. If you take approach 1 you will be waiting a long time to be happy. But if you take approach 2 YOU CAN BE HAPPY ANYTIME YOU WANT TO BE HAPPY! And you can still attract the financial resources and a man at the same time. So I suggest approach 2.

To be continued…

Love and Blessings,

Michael Skowronski

Author of Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story

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This is the last part of the Life Coaching Transcript for Laurie. Here are its first and second part.

Laurie said:

…We are all going in together to share a booth at the local New Age Expo here in November, and now she dropped out of participating in that… bla bla bla (no insult intended) … but it’s like she wants it to go just HER way instead of allowing every to have equal say as a TEAM.

Do you really want to be involved with that energy when you present your skills to the public? Or is this a learning experience whose time has passed? Or can you let it all go, and just bring your sweet loving energy to the expo and stand out amongst the crowd?

Keep asking yourself such questions and go with the answer that feels the best to you.

Laurie said:

…In my additional defence, I’ve gotten strong feedback from at least 3 others in the group that she is the one out of line and I have not done ANYTHING wrong.

Of course that is the case. Whenever anyone is expressing strong emotional feelings it is theirs and only theirs. It’s a good thing to remember when it is you that is ranting and raving too! Your part in it is that you simply still believe you are less than others and deserve to take a beating for it.

Laurie said:

…But after exchanging heated emails, she called me and the conversation left me with that feeling of someone trying to assert their own viewpoints on me

Your participation in this is your own doing. Don’t respond. I know how hard that is, but look where the choice you made got you. Learn from this and cut these sort of things short!

Laurie said:

…but it leaves me with that feeling like as a kid, when your parents spank you “for you own good because I love you” — does that make any sense?

Anytime someone is taking on the strong emotionally charged accusations of another it is because of earlier wounding and a low sense of self-esteem. The fix for this is to focus your attention elsewhere and remind yourself that…Whenever anyone is expressing strong emotional feelings it is theirs and only theirs. The more you do this the less attractive you are to people like that. But the best part is that you discover that there are more and more nice loving people out there who own their own feelings and don’t blame you for their problems.

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This is the second part of this Life Coaching Transcript for Laurie .

Laurie said:

… but there is another piece, that I am more of an introvert in the first place, and have a HUGE creative side to my nature and have been developing my art and photography interests this last year.

Right now this may be the best thing for you to focus on. It sounds like it gives you joy and that you have less resistance in this area. Art is a very healing thing. Bring your energy to a place of great passion, joy and enthusiasm before you begin your work and your images will convey this to your admirers.

If someone asks you a question, if they actually come to you seeking comfort and advice, are you introverted or are you enthusiastic and ready to help? So remain open and let it come to you. When the time is right to make things happen you will be guided.

But most importantly know this… you affect people everyday of your life… people who will never tell you how much you changed their life. With each success you have, with each joyful moment you create within your own mind and feelings, you are adding to the light on the planet. This is a fact! This does affect thousands of people. Your desire to grow and expand draws more life force energy through us all… It has done this for me today.

Laurie said:

And I’ve also discovered another cool possibility for a home business, creating stargazing ceilings for people with a special process available through a company called Starscapes! It is the magic-loving/creative side of me that is REALLY attracted to that, and I’ve sent for their intro kit and sample.

Laurie said:

There are so MANY choices about how to do any one of the things I am interested in! …The other part is, I am genuinely swayed and get enthused about each area of interest as I am exposed to other people who are into the same thing or material I find on the web… most days, by the end of the day I feel dizzy from all my shifts of feeling enthused about one thing after another, and frustrated by my lack of significant momentum toward any one of them!

Some things just do catch my eye and I investigate. But I set time limits on this and I tell myself, “There will always be plenty of choices on offer. When I am ready, there will be some fantastic ground floor opportunity to get into. But right now I am doing what I love and that is teaching.”

See, again it is about reaching for the better feeling thoughts. Because the offers of great wealth feel good we tend to go towards them. This is good, until it feels bad as you described. But there are other things that feel good too, so pick the most important ones to you and make them the priority.

Referring to your hypnosis training you said heaps but I’ll focus on this:

… it involves lots of regression to cause and informed child work plus forgiveness work of others and self, and sometimes parts mediation if necessary due to secondary gain issues. Being an Abe-head, there is something about that that just doesn’t sit right with me

Hypnosis happens all the time… if you listen to Abraham speak he is always using hypnosis. All you need to do is create an altered state in someone and then program them with the tools to get to where they want.

For example…

Can you remember a time when you were hypnotized? Can you remember how being regressed felt and how it brought up all that pain? Go ahead feel that memory of all that pain now. Did it feel good? No, well don’t do that anymore!

How do you feel when you listen to Abraham? Do you feel inspired and passionate? Do you feel the sense of, “Of course this is so easy?” As you remember this feeling… know that you too can create this state in another. Listen carefully to Abraham as he does this. Let the feeling sense of it settle into your being. YOU TOO CAN DO THIS for others! Did you get that?

YOU TOO CAN DO THIS!

They want to feel good. So listen to what they complain about and recognize it is an indication of how important the topic is to them. Tell them how you understand the importance of this issue. You gain immediate rapport when you do this. Create a better feeling image around the important bits. You can do this! Repeat yourself. You can do this. The programming sinks in deeper and deeper as you repeat yourself. You can do this too! You can even do it in writing as I have just been doing with you!

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Selfishness is underrated, in fact we should all be taught to be selfish rather than selfless! Our society has it all backwards with their rules of how we should all behave.

If you want to have anything of value to offer to anyone you must first take care of yourself. How do you feel when someone does something for you out of duty and obligation? For me, more often than not I wish they would not have bothered. Often what they do is just plain annoying or even worse, we have to undo what they did and redo it ourselves.

The feeling that goes with the intention of “I must do this because it is expected of me” is horrible. The more open and aware you become the more you feel… when you start to feel things on a deeper level you also let go of your desire to tolerate the pain. This is a good thing.

It is like we have all been trained to keep our hand on a hot stove. If you keep it there long enough you will develop very hard tough skin and loose all sense of feeling. This is how we are taught to approach life. It will burn you so you better toughen up so that you can take it.

How ignorant is that! Our feelings are telling us to remove our hand from the stove. It is a normal and positive reaction to pain. Soft, pliable and sensitive hands are much more affective and attractive, don’t you agree?

And so it is with our lives. Our negative feelings are meant to tell us there is danger here; we are going to get burnt, back away. But back away from what? Back away from what we are thinking about, back away from where we are focusing our attention, back away from the situation we are in. Well where do we go with our thoughts and focus? Towards anything that feels better!

Sometimes it is a stretch, but reach, reach for the better feeling thoughts. Once you have a firm grip on it, reach again for an even better feeling thought.

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