Unforgettable Love Story

This is the last part of the series entitled Reprogramming Yourself. Its second installment is Reprogramming Anger.

Recently (November 2006) I have been getting very angry at the dangerous Indian drivers. We just purchased a car two months ago and with our business workings I have been driving in India much more often and much further. I have ideas of what a safe and considerate driver should be based on my experiences in America and Australia. Indians are not like that. In some ways I like the freedom from over-regulation that Indians enjoy, but too many drivers drive very dangerously or without consideration of anyone else on the road. Coming only inches from being hit by a driver who is traveling in the opposite direction at very high speeds are common occurrences. Having someone cut a turn right in front of you with no time to stop is a common occurrence. People walking in the street, with no regard for their own safety, animals, large rocks and other objects, large potholes, all add to the stress.

Just one example of how this came to a head for me and made me begin to deal with it happened in early November of 2006. I was driving home from Kottayam (a 3 hour drive). I had three different drivers get in my way for no reason while I was trying to pass them. They were going slower than I wanted to go; I drive a safe but brisk speed. I had signaled with my horn as usual. And they responded by moving into the middle of the road preventing me from passing them. They had no apparent reason for doing this. There were no blockages on their side of the road. It was not a curve. There were no oncoming vehicles. What I was trying to do was usual and expected driving behavior there in India. I believed they were blocking me on purpose and I got quite angry. I began accumulating these offenses and thinking about pulling one of them over, yanking them out of their cars, and beating them in the street. I spent a fair amount of time thinking these kinds of thoughts, never really intending to do so. Also I was accumulating judgment about all of the other oncoming busses, trucks and even cars that were driving in my lane when there was plenty of room in their own lane. The anger in me built up.

Then it happened… I was passing a bus in a very safe manor on wide open road. I had nearly gotten past the bus when I heard it lightly hit the left rear bumper of my car. I went into a mad rage. If I had thought about it I would have known he did no damage to my car. He did not affect my course of driving at all. But all of that built up emotion enraged me. Somehow I grabbed the parking brake lever and pulled it up. I never use that, except for parking and starting out on a hill. I don’t know why I pulled on it. That type of break locks into place. You have to push a button to release it. Because of the speed we were driving and not really understanding what I had just done I did not have the presence of mind to release the break. This caused me to spin my car and land on the side of the road in tall grass and weeds up against a hillside.

I got out of the car in a furious rage. I went to the bus driver’s window, climbed up, reached in and smacked him in the face. I didn’t slap him very hard, but it was insulting. Then I broke one of his windshield wipers off and threw it in the street. He got off the bus and I threatened to beat him. About twenty other men got off the bus and they were all threatening to beat me. I am sure they did not even know that the bus driver hit me. All they knew was that I spun my car and then smacked the driver for it and then continued to abuse him verbally. It was really crazy. Eventually my wife Shyni got me to calm down and we left. Thank God there was no real damage to our car or to us.

I had already been doing work to get over my anger at all of the people and cows who hang out in the road, and especially those who don’t move even when honking the horn right next to them. I had done pretty well with keeping myself calm with them. I had been telling myself that, “Everyone has a right to use the road. These people are God too.” And other things like that. It was working.

But it seemed that I just could not get over my judgment of the other drivers whose actions were dangerous and un-courteous. Well I wasn’t trying either. I felt justified in my mind that their actions were wrong and that my ideas about driving were right. Until this event occurred. After that I realized that God was prodding me through that bus driver and all of the other drivers too. It became very clear because the bus driver really did nothing to me, nor did the other drivers. But my judgmental thinking made me slap a man, which hasn’t happened to me in over 20 years. My anger nearly killed Shyni and me when I spun our car. And even after we were safely stopped, with no real harm to us or the vehicle, my anger nearly got me beaten by a mob of angry men from the bus.

In my life I have learned, more than once, and in more than one way, that if I expect the world to change, or even any single person or event to change, because I did not like it or because “I was right and they were wrong” that I would make myself miserable. And unless I catch each thought of judgment and criticism and change them, then those thoughts would slowly build up and eventually flare up in anger at some specific person or event that probably did not even deserve the anger that was heaped upon them.

It is a big job, but we must watch each and every thought and change the ones that do not serve us. Even if it is possible to evoke a change in the outer world, we must still let go of the judgment and go about changing it from a place of love and the sincere desire to be of help. I so wish I could change Indian drivers, but I cannot. There are millions of them. If I change one, or even fifty, still there will come another and another until I have wasted all of my energy, and still they will keep coming. We must use logic and reason to convince our minds to let go of its judgment, hatred and anger. We must come to recognize where our true safety lies and that is in God. There are no random events. Nothing happens in our reality that we have not earned or created with our energy.

So now when something I don’t like happens on the road my practice is to remind myself, “Nothing really happened, I made it safely. God is watching out for me. Dear God, bless them with awareness of how it is they are driving and how dangerous it is. Help them to learn to drive safely.” When I catch myself moving into judgment I remind myself about what happened and what could have happened. I remind myself of the power of my mind and stop my mind from creating violent revengeful thoughts.

The Miracle - This worked and very powerfully so…I made at least ten more long distance drives like that in India since that incident. Each time I was able to maintain this practice. Each time I kept my peace of mind. Before starting on a long journey I even paused in the driver’s seat long enough to set my mind clearly on the thought process I wanted. I prayed for all the drivers on the road to drive safely while in my presence. I prayed for them to be aware and courteous. I reminded myself that I no longer needed to police them, not even in my mind; I gave that up to God.

It was a miracle! That is exactly how my drives have been since that time. I am sure those same crappy drivers are still on the road doing their same stupid things, but not while I was around. The real world changed as a result of changing my mind. This change persisted in every single drive I made since that time, which was many. The difference in driving experiences was so remarkable that every family member who has driven with me has noticed. Certainly they noticed how much calmer I was, but more than that they noticed that the outer world changed too.

Making that change had a ripple effect in my psyche. I now calm down much quicker in other situations where anger is rising in me even if I feel justified in my perspective on a situation. We shall see what else Life has to reveal to me and in what other ways anger might try to find expression in my life, but for now I know a dramatic change has taken place within me and it is a welcome one.

One by one, piece by piece, we whittle away at our unwanted personality traits and develop new ones that serve us in ever more powerful ways.

Love and Blessings,
Michael Skowronski

P.S. That is not the only time the outer world changed as a result of my inner change. I will admit that was one of the more dramatic ones. I tell many more stories like it in my book Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story. These type of coincidences are (nearly) a daily experience for me. They probably do occur daily, but I still have further to go at being aware enough to notice them all.

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This side story is a part of the Marriage Made in Heaven (Part I and Part II) and The Suicide and the Accident stories.

This experience occurred on Friday March 4th 2005, only 4 days after I married and moved in with my new wife Shyni who I had only met for the first time 12 days earlier. It occurred in village of Kumily in the state of Kerala South India.

As I was leaving for my morning walk into the forest I was told, intuitively, to take my camera with me, that I would see elephants. The only resistance I had was that I had never seen any thing other than wild monkeys and deer and that I had all of the scenic nature pictures of the landscapes that I needed, I did not want to carry unnecessary equipment. But the message was very clear, so I went back into the house and got it.

On my way up the mountain I ran into two native Indian guides showing a Scottish man around. I always cringed when a native saw me in the forest because I know I would be getting a lecture about the safety of trekking in the jungle alone. This is the Periyar Tiger Reserve. Not only are there wild tigers, but there are also wild monkeys, cobra snakes, and elephants which have been known to kill people, even tourists. It is dangerous and it is illegal to trek alone without an official guide, so it was possible I could have been given a fine as well, or even been taken to jail. In reality they were actually locals giving illegal guided tours of the forest to visiting tourists, but I did not know that at the time. I thought they were official guides. The guides signaled me to come to them.

When I got there I received the expected lecture and then they pointed out some rustling in the trees and told me it was elephants. A few times I could see a bit of grey, or even a trunk, through the trees, but I never got a good view of the elephants. It was easy to see the direction of their movement because the trees and bamboo would move as they passed through. When it became clear that the elephants were heading in our direction the guides ran away in a hurry. They were very cautious, too cautious in my opinion. They started to descend the mountain, with me following them reluctantly. After walking less than a minute they turned to me to ask, “Where are you going?” I replied, “I would like to go up the mountain.” One of them said, “Ok, but be careful.”

I began heading up to the top, until the others were out of sight. Then I stopped and thought for a moment, I would like to get some photos of those elephants. Is it worth the risk? I decided it was and headed back towards them. We met up fairly quickly since it turned out they were heading my way at the exact same time.

There they were. The elephants were on the very same path I was on. In full view, open space, only 20 feet in front of me. I snapped a couple of photos and then got frightened and backed away to where they could not see me anymore. I gathered up more courage and set camera to video mode. I walked back to where I had a good view of them and started filming. Both times I squatted down low on the foot path, making myself look smaller to communicate that I posed no threat to them.

Slowly the elephants were walking towards me, once they got too close for comfort I turned to walk further away, when I turned back to see how far they had come I noticed that they had picked up their pace. I stopped filming and headed for safety. They stopped walking about the same time so I got a couple more photos. Then the big one in front stamped his foot on the ground a couple of times and made a few noises, I took that as a signal to back away again. Once I did, the elephants made a right turn and started heading away from me.

Cautiously I followed taking photos and video as we went. Within about five minutes a few of the elephants stopped to eat the bark off of a tree. Slowly and cautiously I made my way to a place that I perceived would be a safe spot to get more video and photos. Unfortunately there was too much brush in the way so I climbed the nearest tree where I was able to get good photos. The elephants watched me as I climbed. I was just a little worried they would come after me once I got up into the tree, but more worried that my climbing would scare them away. By the time I got up into the tree one of the elephants walked away, only two elephants remained. From this vantage point I got some excellent photos and video. At one point I began coughing which scarred the elephants away. I figured I had enough good photos and I would not risk my life any further trying to get more. All up I spent about twenty five minutes with the elephants.

I proceeded to the top of the lower peak and had my meditation time. When I returned back to Shyni’s house I said nothing until I had the photos on my computer for the show. Everyone was surprised to see those photos, especially at how close up I was. Shyni looked at me like I was both incredibly brave and stupid. She told me, “Don’t make me a widow so soon.” Many times during the day she lectured me about being careful. I reassured her by telling her, “I can tell when I am safe or not. Most animals are peaceful and can feel that in me and there is no problem. But if they are not I can tell, and I would stay away.” Shyni then told me, “If you ever have to get away from them run downhill. They can easily run uphill, but downhill their weight gives them trouble so they must go slowly. When Shyni’s mother returned home late that evening she told Shyni not to let me go hiking in that forest alone again. She made many comments in Malayalam. Even though I did not understand her words, I could feel her sense of shock and fear for my safety.

I do not suggest that you try such a thing unless you are very good at reading energy and very good with animals. What I did was dangerous, I risked my life. But for me it felt right. I did not feel like I was in danger. Mentally I knew the chance was there, but I did not feel the danger.

Love and Blessings,
Michael Skowronski
Author of Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story

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