Unforgettable Love Story

I have a friend I met on MySpace, one who I have been counseling and for a time had been doing better as a result of trying out the things I had suggested. I recently inquired about her wellbeing and she was again in a depressed state. Life can be tough and sometimes all the road blocks seem to be up when we feel like we are ready to move full steam ahead. I tried to comfort her and then she wrote this to me…

“Michael, I have tried to love my father and my mother too, but I cannot forget as easily as they have. My father began raping me at 8 years of age and he did it nearly every night. What kind of monster does such a thing to his little girl? And my mother chose my father over me and ignored what she knew was happening. Now my father tells me he has repented to God for his dirty deeds; he tells me he is going to heaven and he is forgiven and that I am going to hell because I have not accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior. Like his shit don’t stink and mine does! When I try to talk to my mother she tries to make it better by saying, ‘Oh well I tried to get rid of you, but no, you wanted to live. So that was the life you got.’ Neither of my parents wants to talk to me anymore. What a joke! And you expect me to forgive these people!”

This was the first time I had heard this side of her story. She had other painful experiences, but this really felt bad to read. I know I am the one who is always telling people to focus on what feels good…but there are times you just have to deal with what is. For healing to occur you must focus, at least for a short time on painful experiences like this. No matter how evolved you are, no matter how enlightened you are, reading something like this hurts. I often cry when I get emails from my friends who are suffering. Although I know there is much more going on than meets the eye, this sort of thing really sucks.

So please don’t think I take everything so lightly. You probably won’t see me cry or feel depressed because I won’t allow myself to stay in such a place for very long, but I do take the time to understand what is going on with my friends and loved ones and I do feel the pain like everyone else does.

There comes a time to realize…right now is the first day of the rest of my life. Right now I can choose, “Do I wish to suffer more by dwelling on what has happened? Or do I wish to move on, take what happened as an understanding of how bad people can be, and create the bright and beautiful future I wish to have?” Because this is the choice. If you do not forgive these people, your parents or anyone else who has abused you, you will suffer each time you remember what has happened. If you do not forgive these people, you will also remain stuck in the suffering you are currently living with. Which do you want more, to feel better, to have a better life, or do you wish to remain in the pain of the past? That is your choice right now.

Before I continue on with healing this horrible wound I want to mention an important point that I forgot to mention when I originally posted this blog. You will notice that a few people comment below about this so please don’t think they did not read this blog completely…this paragraph has been added since so many people commented. There is a stage of dealing with the pain and the wounds that have been left behind by such abuse. Emotional release is the key. People can stuff their feelings because this is such an ugly thing that they feel they need to hide. But stuffing your feelings will lead to disease. You must scream and cry and beat pillows or punch punching bags or do whatever else is necessary to let it out. There are many body oriented therapies that are designed to help release such trauma from the body. Things like massage and reiki and acupuncture and acupressure and hundreds of other techniques. But this is the first-aid stage of healing these emotional wounds. Very often first-aid does require the help of another person, so seek that help and engage the services of a trusted healer. However, the real healing occurs in the mind. These events transform your thinking about the world, your value and place within it and what you can expect from others in the future. You will need to counter those eroneous thoughts with the truth that you are worthy and did not deserve to be abused in this way. There are those who would say, myself included, that in a past life you may have committed similar abuses upon another person and thus this is your karma. Although this MAY be true, it is not necessiarly true. And even IF it is true, you still did not deserve this treatment based on anything you have done here in this lifetime which is all that you really know about anyway. So the idea of karma is meant to help you make sense of such things from the perspective of the big picture, not from the perspective of this lifetime. If the ideas about karma are not helping you right now in the stage you are in then ignore them. You must get to a better feeling place about yourself first before you can go into that kind of thinking. When you are in the correct frame of mind ideas of karma will feel better because you know that the perpetrator of those crimes against you will need something to get them to change.

Okay…so how does one forgive such horrible things? The answer to this question is what I am going to dedicate the rest of this blog to.

To get past the pain and the judgment you need to take on a new perspective of life. You need to begin seeing the bigger picture. I wrote a blog called The Evolution of a Soul. Please read that blog because it will give you the perspective of our lives that you need to have. I understand that such a perspective might be difficult for some people to believe, especially since many in our culture were taught that life has different boundaries and limitations, but such a perspective really is the only one that makes sense and is the only perspective that can make things like being raped by your own father easier to understand and forgive.

There is an audio program I would like you to listen to. You can find this 22 minute audio of the storyLittle Soul and the Sun which was written by Neale Donald Walsch and dramatized into an audio production by Timothy Richard Jessup and Sound Design Inc. by clicking here . Listen to the second recording on the page.

I will now explain what is in that audio program, but I still believe it is worth listening to for the dramatic effect it will have on you and the feelings it will stir in you. I encourage you to listen to the entire audio, with the understanding it was produced for children and that it will evoke feelings and understanding within you.

You are a brilliant light amongst a seemingly infinite number of other brilliant beings of light. How is it that you are going to experience the light that you are amongst so much light? The only way for that to happen is for you to be isolated in the dark. If you are in the dark, then you can experience the light that you are. But if all other beings are also brilliant light, how can you experience your own light? It happens because they love you enough to slow down their own vibration enough to be the dark, amongst which you can shine and be the light. But to do so they forget who they are and they need you to remind them and bring them back to their own light.

In so many ways your parents who have abused you in such a great way, have actually given you the greatest gift that you could be given…the gift of knowing who you really are. No matter how dark they have been, you have survived, you have given life to others, you have shined in spite of the darkness. And now it is your turn to return the favor. You need to remember who they are, brilliant beings of light, just as you are. You need to remind them, not in words, but in how you think of them and how you treat them. If you do this, if you forgive them, if you see them as being the light of God, then you will free them and you will free yourself as well. (Remember, to do this does not mean you will continue to allow them to abuse you, it only means you will see things different despite appearances. It may mean you never see them again, but continue to love them from afar.)

So this will take effort. It will be difficult because right now you have years of abuse programmed into your mind and experience. You have years of looking at them as the villains. Now it will take effort. You will have to stretch yourself and decide that no matter what, you will come to view this in an entirely different way. You will change your thoughts about all that has happened such that you can love your parents and anyone else who has harmed you so that you can be free and so that you can experience your wholeness and connection with God once again. Because in truth these people are indeed as much a part of God as you are; without them you are nothing, with them you are everything.

So every time you think of them and what they did, wish them love. Know that a part of them really does know what they did and knows how hideous they have been. Know that it was so bad that even they cannot face their own actions. Try to understand why they don’t want to talk with you about it, because the pain of it would crush them. Wish and pray for them that they come to understand. Do not allow yourself to dwell on some fantasy of some horrible event occurring in their life as a payback, but simply give the “how they come to understand” part up to God. Wish them peace. Wish them love. Wish them abundance. Wish them clear and complete knowledge of themselves as God even as you wish to have this awareness for yourself.

So this is a nice story I have weaved out of a very negative segment of life. It represents reality but does not even begin to fully describe it. However, if you do this you will see that it does produce results in your life. Results that will please you and results that you desire…you will be healed of this pain that you now suffer with. Because I love you, and because I would like to know that you are living a wonderful and beautiful life, I would like to ask you to give this a real try. I am confident that you will succeed and be healed of these painful wounds if you do. My personal experience and that of many other people as well, says healing for you must happen as it has for us.

Namasté
Michael Skowronski
Author of Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story

WE NEED YOUR HELP! Victims of abuse, incest, rape, child molestation…these people have suffered for years with these sorts of abuse. They have had repetitive exposure to such bad behavior that they have come to believe they were worthless or deserved such abuse. Their minds have been programmed to accept this as normal and inescapable. Our minds are creative and as such these people will continue to draw these sorts of experiences into their lives unless they receive regular love and reassurance that they are okay and that they deserve better than this.

Are there free groups for these people to go to for this love and support? If not can we organize such things? Look at Alcoholics Anonymous and the other 12 step groups and how successful they are in people helping people. Is there such a thing for victims of abuse? These victims need repetitive assistance in shifting their beliefs and how their minds function so as to become strong and never to be abused again.

Please leave your comments and share what you know about helping such people. We can make a difference!

image credits to Brian Curnel

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