Raped by My Father Every Night for Years
I have a friend I met on MySpace, one who I have been counseling and for a time had been doing better as a result of trying out the things I had suggested. I recently inquired about her wellbeing and she was again in a depressed state. Life can be tough and sometimes all the road blocks seem to be up when we feel like we are ready to move full steam ahead. I tried to comfort her and then she wrote this to me…
“Michael, I have tried to love my father and my mother too, but I cannot forget as easily as they have. My father began raping me at 8 years of age and he did it nearly every night. What kind of monster does such a thing to his little girl? And my mother chose my father over me and ignored what she knew was happening. Now my father tells me he has repented to God for his dirty deeds; he tells me he is going to heaven and he is forgiven and that I am going to hell because I have not accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior. Like his shit don’t stink and mine does! When I try to talk to my mother she tries to make it better by saying, ‘Oh well I tried to get rid of you, but no, you wanted to live. So that was the life you got.’ Neither of my parents wants to talk to me anymore. What a joke! And you expect me to forgive these people!”
This was the first time I had heard this side of her story. She had other painful experiences, but this really felt bad to read. I know I am the one who is always telling people to focus on what feels good…but there are times you just have to deal with what is. For healing to occur you must focus, at least for a short time on painful experiences like this. No matter how evolved you are, no matter how enlightened you are, reading something like this hurts. I often cry when I get emails from my friends who are suffering. Although I know there is much more going on than meets the eye, this sort of thing really sucks.
So please don’t think I take everything so lightly. You probably won’t see me cry or feel depressed because I won’t allow myself to stay in such a place for very long, but I do take the time to understand what is going on with my friends and loved ones and I do feel the pain like everyone else does…
(This was truly a powerful blog…unfortunately the rest of this blog has been removed…see details below)
Click here to read the comments left by those that read the full blog. You will see that MANY people found a lot of help in the content of my blogs. Unfortunately I had to remove the content of most of my blogs for the reason stated further below.You can continue reading my blogs by joining my relationship healing group, the details of which you can find at http://RelationshipAdviceSite.com 
By joining my healing group you will get…
- The Ultimate Guide to Relationship Healing a four hour Audio Program.
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Why did I Remove my Blog Content from MySpace & gr8Wisdom.com?
I spent more than a year doing free spiritual and relationship counseling on MySpace. If you review the comments on my blogs (which I have left intact for you to review) you can see that I have spent a great deal of time, covered a lot of topics, AND A LOT OF PEOPLE WERE HELPED BY MY ADVICE. I have really enjoyed it and thank all of you who have participated. Many of my friends have touched my heart very deeply. I love you all!
Unfortunately doing it for free has resulted in me not being able to write new blogs or serve as many people as I would like too. Doing it for free has caused me to maintain a fulltime job with not enough time to coach those people who want and need the help I have to offer. By charging for my services I will eventually be able to quit my job and do my spiritual counseling work full time.
My blogs really do contain all you need to know in order to live a healthy and happy life and the live coaching I offer in the healing group fills in the gaps. Please consider joining this group today. http://RelationshipAdviceSite.com
Love and Blessings,
Michael Skowronski
Author of Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story
image credits to Brian Curnel
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March 12th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
That is definitely tough. As you said, it’s not something you can just give the cliche advice, “look on the bright side” or “don’t worry about it”.
I think alot of us think we have to forget, if not forget, at least forgive. I don’t believe you have to do none of it. I think the only thing you can do is accept that it happened, there’s nothing you can do to change it and live your life to the fullest now.
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March 13th, 2008 at 4:57 am
I’m so touched by the story and admired your delicate handling of the situation, you’re doing a tough job. You see, is not easy to just emphatize with the person, the fact that you also have this love of God that transcend over and above every situation enable you to compose a heartfelt counsel.
I wanted to share the saving grace of Jesus Christ, but when I read how the father’s ridicule statement on his daughter, taking Christianity in the wrong perspective, I felt so sorry for the father. He is just one of those disillussion fallen angels inside the church. I’m thankful that the daughter has finally found a confidante soul in you.
I think the consensus of women’s cry against all forms of abuses should take a louder stance this time. In the Philippines, when law on giving a graveous sentence on crime committed against child and women’s abuse was finally enacted, a lot of cases and complain have started to show up and be heard publicly and so more and more hidden cases have resurfaced and disclosed. Women have become more articulate and bolder to expose sexual abuses inside the homes.
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March 13th, 2008 at 11:30 am
My heart goes out to this person. I too am the victim of childhood sexual abuse which has blighted my life enormously. It is only in recent years that I have begun to deal with the issue and try to heal the hurt. I had some wonderful counselling from an organisation called RASAC (Rape & Sexual Abuse Counselling) and learned from my hospital worker (I suffer from depression) about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (how to analyse different stages of your thought processes to work out which areas are most troublesome and provides strategies to cope). I also read an extremely helpful book called “Breaking Free: Help for Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse” by Caroline Ainscough & Kay Toon. It took a while to pluck up courage to read it, but I was so glad I eventually did. It was such a blessing. Has your writer thought about sending letters to her father and mother, expressing her thoughts in writing and telling them exactly why what they did was wrong and how it has made her feel? Even if they don’t read them it is good to get those thoughts out on paper.
The father in this case doesn’t sound very Christian, telling the writer she is going to Hell, etc. It sounds like he is taunting her. God will judge him and his wife for their many sins and He knows the truth of their hearts.
Your correspondent is very brave. She has taken the first steps on the long and hard road to recovery - I hope she will have the strength and courage to go on and live a happy and productive life. Why should the abuser have the satisfaction of ruining the rest of her days? He should not be allowed to win the battle. I hope the writer knows that she is NOT alone; she is doing the right thing. It is OK to be angry. And it IS possible to learn to live with the horrors of what has happened and go on to have a life. Good luck to her.
love,
Roo xx