Unforgettable Love Story

No matter how you slice it, relationship breakups are difficult to cope with. For those whose relationships are suffering from problems you may find this relationship advice challenging to say the least, especially if you are/were in a committed love relationship. But stay open and read it all so that you don’t take something I write out of context. Believe me I have had plenty of experiences with relationship problems and breakups, and plenty of experience with finding peace and happiness in the midst of it. If I can do it, so can you!

One of the first things that a person needs to consider is the question, “What am I expecting from my relationships?” I know for me, when I was younger and less mature, I expected love, support, and on a deeper unconscious level…validation! But the problem with those expectations is that no one else can really give you those things.

I can hear some of my readers minds now, “What? No one can give me love? No one can give me support? You must be joking! And just for the record, I don’t need any validation. My self-esteem is just fine thank you!” Okay, so that is what I used to think and I am certain there are many others who still do too.

Of course someone else can give you love, but are you open to receive it? If you are not receiving it then what use is their giving it to you? If you are in the midst of judging another person, or even yourself, are you open to receive their love or any love for that matter? NO! If you are critical of Life and what it has been delivering to you are you open to receive love? NO! If you are worrying about how to pay the bills, or what kind of drugs your kid is smoking or what they are doing when you are not around, are you open to receiving love? NO!

As for support from others…they can give it, but you can just as easily squander it. It can even become a setback. What happens when you depend on someone and their support and then they leave? It could be divorce, it could be death, it could be work, it could be drugs or alcohol, there are many ways in which someone can leave you and take their support with them. Then where are you? Helpless and frightened and once again in judgment of Life and other people.

But the biggest problem is self-esteem. Most people don’t have it! Most people are seeking validation from outside of themselves. Low self-esteem shows up in two forms. The most obvious is when you just don’t like yourself, when your thoughts, words and actions make you feel in some way unworthy and unlovable.

There is another side to low self-esteem and that is ARROGANCE! Oh I have a great deal of experience with that side of low self-esteem. Arrogance is how I used to cope with my low self-esteem and it is insidious because it makes you feel like you are so good that you are better than others. It often comes out in words and actions. The arrogant person has to be the one to be heard; they can talk on and on and often don’t let others participate. Or they are always contradicting the ideas of others instead of finding the places that they can agree. The arrogant person is often putting other people down. But always, at the bottom of arrogance is low self-esteem. (There is a pretty cool story in my book on how I overcame my arrogance. If you need help with that issue, this book will be powerful for you!)

Relationship breakups give us the chance to face these issues in ourselves and to heal them. We get to become stronger people as a result. How would you like to be the kind of person who is never lonely, especially when you are alone? How would you like to be the kind of person who has an inner strength capable of facing any challenge that Life has to offer, especially when everyone is ignoring your requests for help? How would you like to be the kind of person who knows without a shadow of a doubt that you are thinking, speaking and acting in the right way, in a loving way, in a way that is of benefit to all people whose lives you touch, even when others are judging and criticizing you or telling vicious rumors about you? And how would you like to be happy anytime you want no matter what is going on in the outer world?

When you have to face life on your own you have the greatest possibility of growing into these life skills. When you face life on your own it is much easier to see what your creations are and what are the creations of others. It becomes much easier to understand the relationship between your thoughts and your feelings, because no one else is there to create in your experience. There is no one to blame, except yourself…of course you should not be blaming yourself either, but accepting that you have created your own reality.

I went through a pretty rough experience around a relationship break up when I was 44 years old. I had been divorced twice, had a wife die on me (story is in my book Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story), and then had my next fiancé dump me too. I felt like my life was over. I felt like all I could count on was women leaving me. I felt like my youth was slipping away and I was never going to have that long lasting really great relationship that I needed to have that would prove that I was an okay person, and that I was worthy of love. I cried a lot. I was facing financial struggles too. I was living in Australia and they were asking me to leave because I no longer had a sponsoring job. I had other friends who were judging me and my actions too.

In the midst of all that pain and suffering I went through I kept a watch on my feelings and my thoughts. I was listening to a lot of Abraham CDs about the “Law of Attraction” and the “Science of Deliberate Creation”. I got a new CD every week, and I listened to many of them more than once. It was during those times when I had my first experiences of Self-Realization. Intellectually I had learned that I was God, but those experiences were different…I remembered that I was God…it was just like I remembered where my bed was, or what my name was. I KNEW! And those experience changed me forever. I finally had the self-esteem that was previously based on other people’s opinions of me. And I finally knew without a shadow of a doubt that whatever I did or thought about another, I was doing to myself. I still had habits of thought and action to overcome, but now I would not let anything or anyone deter me from making the necessary changes in my own programming. And I also know there will never be another lifetime, or a time in this lifetime, where I will not have this inner strength and awareness. These gifts are mine forever more!

And for the first time in my life I loved being alone, so much so that when I finally did find a wonderful woman to marry, my dear wife Shyni, I was actually disappointed to lose my alone time! At first I felt like I got married out of habit, because for so many years I was looking for it and had not stop to reconsider my priorities carefully enough. Now I was reaching for the ability to go into the state of Samadhi at will and the distractions of other people and their needs was getting in the way. Union with God is addicting, it is the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced.

I have come to accept my choice to be in a relationship. I know I have work to do in continuing to reprogram myself and the challenges that come up when living with others is giving me the chance to do just that. So it really is perfect for me at this time, just as perfect as it was for me to lose the other relationships I had earlier in my life. Without those relationships breakups, I would not have Shyni in my life. In very many ways she is more perfect for me than any other woman has been, by a factor of ten. This is honestly the best and most amazing relationship I could ever imagine having.

No matter what challenges you face in your life, they are perfect and you have created them through the “Law of Attraction”, this includes your relationship breakups. Walk through your fire and come out the other side. Many people consider suicide when relationships breakup. Suicide is like walking most of the way through the fire, and then turning around and walking back to the other side. You suffer so much more as a result.

Suicide will not take you were you believe you will be going, to a place of peace. Suicide is trying to escape from yourself, and you just cannot do it. Wherever you go, there you are. In the afterlife, you will not be in the heaven you think you will be in; you will still be enmeshed in your life’s troubles, because the afterlife is still life. It is just life in another dimension. And you will not have the ability to change your programming there. You will be stuck with it, playing out your dramas over and over until your next physical life begins. And in your next physical life you will set up the same dramas so that you can finally face the issues and move through them. So in reality you will have to walk through that fire all over again, face the same pain all over again, and finish the walk to the other side. Don’t do it!

You can find so much strength inside of you that it will be you that other people come to for strength and support. You can find so much strength inside of you that no matter if the entire world seems to hate you, you can still love yourself and them so deeply that you only feel love. You can become so enlightened, so wise, and so powerful that you are actually a clear conduit that God’s love can flow through and heal others wherever you go. And if you become such a person, you will be overwhelmed at times by the difference you really do make in the world.

Relationship breakups are not the end, but the beginning of the next chapter your life. Get excited and know that you are in for something far better than you ever dreamed possible and your relationship breakup will be exactly that!

Love and Blessings,
Michael Skowronski
Author of Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story

Popularity: 6% [?]

I find that there are some very interesting common components between ALL of the practices I have been taught.

*Deep breathing – Called Pranayama in Yoga training.
*Creative visualization.
*Repetition of a phrase or word.
*Focused concentration on a specific part of the body.

Some might call repetition of phrases a mantra, but the teachings I have read put greater emphasis of mantras being a specific sound that came from some deep Samadhi meditative state and is imbued with magical powers, I as of yet do not have such experience and choose not to relate mantra’s to English phrases or words. But it is quite possible they are indeed one and the same.

For each of those components of meditation there are many different varieties of practices. For advanced students, I suggest a proper teacher or the books I mentioned earlier. But for the average person I would recommend the following practices.

Start by sitting in a comfortable way. It does not need to be cross legged on the floor. It can be in a chair. Find the most comfortable way to sit for you and your body. Meditation can even be done lying down, but in most cases this is not advisable as it tends to induce sleep. However I find that I can easily go into a deep meditative state and remain consciously meditating when I have just woken from sleep. So you might want to try meditating right after a nap for five to fifteen, or when you have insomnia lie in bed and meditate until you do fall back asleep or decide to get up and do other things.

Deep Breathing – Start by emptying your lungs completely. Then begin to fill your lungs in a progressive way, and do it the same way every time. Some recommend filling from the bottom of the stomach up and others recommend the reverse, filling the chest first and working your way down. And the same is true with the exhalation, do it in the same way each time.

All the masters say, and my experience confirms, that deep breathing exercises are responsible for energizing the body and even healing the body. It will certainly heal many stress related disorders and even asthma. Since I began doing Pranayama exercises my need for sleep and food both have been drastically reduced, and this is spoken of often in Yoga texts. If you have any sort of illness, daily deep breathing exercises will proved noticeable relief if not complete relief from the disease. You should try it, what do you have to lose?

Notice that you are taking conscious control of a normally unconscious process. Swami Rama gives credit to the various Pranayama exercises for his COMPLETE CONTROL of his AUTONOMIC NERVOUS SYSTEM. This is how he was able to perform feats such as speeding his heart up so fast as to make it stop for sixteen seconds and how he was able to produce cancers on his body and remove them at will. He also claims in his book “The Path of Fire and Light” that one can learn to retain the breath for hours at a time and he did prove this as well in a live performance at the Menninger society.

Do your deep breathing exercises prior to your meditation time it will relax you and move you into a deeper state. One practice bleeds into the other. You are also preparing yourself for the day when you choose to advance your practice and reach for more advanced goals.

Creative Visualization – There are a lot of techniques under this category. I suggest you read those two books I mentioned earlier if you wish to try more than the few techniques I will offer here. Visualization is best done while doing the deep breathing exercises. You may have to focus on the deep breathing by itself the first few times you do them, but soon enough your body learns how to do them and then you need something else to focus on. Visualizations are perfect for this.

I believe one of the reasons visualization is powerful is that while you are focused on your visualizations the normally destructive thought processes in your mind are stopped. Thoughts such as worry, or thinking about what you should have said to that rotten person who is spreading lies about you for example. Abraham (as channeled by Ester Hicks) tells us that it is simply enough to cease negative thinking in order to allow our good to enter our experience. It is our negative thought processes that choke off the flow of inspiration, intuition, and life giving energies.

What will you actually see? That will differ from person to person. Most people will see blackness with the occasional spark of light or briefly see forms come and go. So why is it called visualization then? Because you involve your mind in a thought process that is creating forms, even though you may or may not actually see them. These exercises work even if you do not actually see what it is that you are visualizing!

If you are fortunate enough to leave the body, enter the psychic worlds, and vividly see these forms you are visualizing and other objects of those dimensions, count yourself lucky indeed. Most likely this is a skill you have developed in past lifetimes. And you should probably add something of value from your experience in the form of a comment on this blog to help other people understand this experience.

You can visualize a fire, like a candle flame, in the heart chakra of the body or at the third eye position. You can visualize white light filling up a hollow version of your own body. Start at the toes and feel this light as it slowly moves up your body and fills you up with white light, until your entire body is full of light and holds the form of your body.

Also you can concentrate with eyes open on a real object, something simple like a candle and its flame or a lemon, and take it all into your memory. Then close your eyes and use that object to focus on during your creative visualization time.

You can visualize flying around the state, country or entire world and spreading light and love as you pass over the area. You can visualize white light, or other healing colors that you are aware of, surrounding the body of someone with an illness with the intention of assisting them in their healing process.

It may be difficult to do these visualizations at first, but that is normal. Just continue your practice and when you notice that you mind has slipped off onto another topic or worry bring it back. Don’t judge yourself. Just resume the visualization wherever it was you left off. You should also notice what topic your mind went to and later contemplate why it seemed so important as to disturb your short period of practice. Remind yourself that you have put aside only fifteen or thirty minutes or so for your practice, and for that short period of time these other thoughts will just have to wait, you can think about them later if they really do require your attention.

This is something you are doing to help yourself, those other thoughts can wait!

Repetition of a Phrase or Word – By repeating a phrase or a word you can lift your energy and quickly build a deep grove of thought in your mind. It also occupies your mind such that other negative thoughts are pushed out.

To help with stilling the mind and stopping all thought repeat, “Release. Let go.” Every time a stray thought or worry enters in, just go back to your phrase, “Release. Let go.” Do not judge the slip in concentration or worry that it ruined your practice. This can take you very deep and give you moments of a completely still mind. This is best done during the meditation phase of your practice and not the deep breathing phase. These other suggestions are intended for the deep breathing phase…

“I am One with God, I am One with All People Everywhere” This phrase is good for self-esteem and for reminding yourself that those others you look at and judge are really yourself.

For moving past road rage the phrase, “There is something I don’t understand about their driving, if I did I would have compassion instead of anger.” Or “Everyone has the right to use this road just the same as me.”

For safety and protection, “I am alert and aware of all hazards that come my way and easily move around them.” Or “I am safe and protected by an angel that guides me. My intuition tells me where to go and I am safe.”

To generate a feeling of love, “I love myself just the way I am. I love others just the way they are.”

So the point is to repeat these or other useful phrases over and over again until they become automatic, until you find yourself repeating them at other times during the day. Repeat them during your five to ten minutes of deep breathing exercises to keep your mind focused in a positive way.

Focused Concentration on a Specific Part of Your Body – By concentrating on a specific part of your own body you send extra energy to it. Also you occupy your mind such that other negative thoughts are pushed out.

Along with your focused attention on your body, you can repeat a healing phrase, or you can visualize white light or another healing color.

Focus on your heart chakra or your third eye chakra during the meditation phase of your practice while you attempt to still your mind and repeat the phrase, “Release. Let go.”

Putting it all Together as a Practice

Start with five to ten minutes of deep breathing exercises while doing one specific visualization or while repeating a one specific phrase. This will cause you to gather energy and do significant healing work on your own body. This will also cause you to go deeper in preparation for a deep meditation.

Then for another five to fifteen minutes attempt to still your mind. Cease the deep breathing during this time and let your breath become calm, shallow and regular. Focus your attention on either your heart chakra or your third eye chakra and repeat the phrase, “Release. Let go.”

I have given you many suggestions for each part of the practice. Choose only one way of doing it for one meditation session. Rotate these suggestions and try different techniques. It is ideal to do two sessions each day. One in the morning before beginning your day is essential. A second session later in the day will help too. It is not necessary to do these exercises for long periods of time unless you are feeling really into it and enjoying it so much that you do not want to stop. But do them daily and you will receive results.

Clarifying Comments are Welcome

Comments from your own experience will help others who read this blog so please feel free to comment! Also ask specific questions if you don’t understand something. I and my other enlightened friends are happy to answer them.

Good luck and happy practicing!

Love and Blessings,
Michael Skowronski
Author of Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story

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Continued from Meditation and the Wandering Mind…

I used to have this very same problem with meditation…I was expecting my mind to become perfectly still and expecting some sort of psychedelic astral travel kind of experience. But it wasn’t happening. And I had been trying for years. I was getting results with my meditations, but I was not enjoying them. And they were not matching my expectations.

The teacher I was studying with at the time (this stuff is in my book Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story) told me to try a walking meditation. Amoram told me that I had too much energy flowing to sit still. He also told me that a walk in nature would help release that energy and allow my mind to gravitate to more creative and positive contemplation.

That is when I shifted to mostly doing walking meditations. I nearly stopped doing sitting quiet and still meditations, I change to doing them only once or twice a week. It worked well for me for many years. I was also listening to a lot of channeled material nearly daily and reading spiritual books daily. So I did a lot of contemplating and prayer too. I consciously worked on reprogramming my thinking. I advanced in my understanding of life and gained experience and wisdom as a result of these practices. I continued on this way until I had my Self-Realization experiences, which as I said earlier motivated me to get serious about a sitting quite and still meditation practice again.

Meditation became a daily practice for me again at the end of 2003. Wanting to understand the process more I took Kriya Yoga training at the end of 2004 because of the writings of Paramahansa Yogananda in his book Autobiography of a Yogi. I have also been reading books like “The Path of Fire and Light” by Swami Rama and “The Esoteric Practice, Christian Meditations & Exercises” by Dr. Stylianos Atteshlis known as Daskalos in the book “Magus of Strovolos.” I choose these two books because both of these authors were very advanced mystics who were able to consciously and deliberately go into the states of Samadhi, travel instantly to distant places, and manifest themselves in some way that was physically perceivable by others. Of course there have been other trainings I have received over the years as well.

To be continued…

Love and Blessings,

Michael Skowronski

Author of Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story

Popularity: 2% [?]

One of the most common things I hear people say about meditation is, “I have tried many times to sit down and meditate, but I just can’t seem to get my mind to be quiet. No matter what I do it never works, my mind just wanders off onto many other things. I wish I could be like others who love meditation and get so much out of it. But I just can’t do it!”

If this is your problem, join the club, you are amongst the majority and this blog is written especially for you. If you are seasoned in the art of meditation, practice regularly, and enjoy meditation, then please post a comment that expands on what I have to offer here. Other points of view especially from those who are seasoned mediators would be really helpful to those who are reading this blog.

Have you ever noticed that masters refer to meditation as a practice? Meditation is a Practice! It is exercise for the mind, an exercise to gain control of the mind. For most people the mind goes wherever it will, without control of the owner. It is like the servant is ruling the master. You need to become the master of your mind; you need to direct the mind in where it is going.

The mind controls your feelings. Whatever you think of has a corresponding feeling…is it a good feeling or a bad one? Law of Attraction brings to us people, things and events that match our thoughts. At a much deeper level, at the level that you and I are God, we actually create all of manifest creation, all of the dimensions of life including the physical dimension.

The human brain is not the same thing as the mind, however the brain and all manifest form is created by the mind. You can think of the brain like a computer, it has an operator. Sure the brain can process thought, but the thought that is injected into the brain, the input of ideas and creativity, comes from the mind. And of course mind is created by God, for those who wish to insist that God is creating everything.

The ultimate goal of meditation is to move beyond the physical into the non-physical and into divine union with God. This requires shutting down the mind and the various sensory inputs. I have read accounts from more than one master who says that the reason so many people report spiritual experiences on heavy doses of drugs is that they are essentially breaking the mind, cracking it open, and revealing a glimpse of the dimensions beyond the physical. But unfortunately most people under the influence of drugs have no control of their minds which is the reason the experiences are so out of control and even harmful. And then there are others, take Ram Das for example, who had some control of his mind and came back from his drug trips with very enlightening wisdom to share with the world. A person may be able to hide his inner insanity, to some degree, while clean and sober, but while under the influence of drugs or alcohol, he reveals the real chaotic state of his mind.

For most people, the goal of mediation should be to simply gain control of the mind in order to live a happy life. Do NOT worry about trying to still the mind completely. The reason I say that is because most people are satisfied to be in the physical world and enjoy physical things. Most people want things, perhaps wealth, perhaps fame, perhaps a hot lover, perhaps they want loving children and certainly physical comforts. Most people want life to run smooth and for changes to be under their control. Perhaps they would like to know God too, but they are content to wait until they die to discover heaven. There is nothing wrong with this. There is a reason we incarnate in the physical world, and that is to play in and experience what the physical world has to offer.

There is another type of person who is trying to perfect themselves, or pay off their karma, in order to escape the pain of physical life. (Now please do not get the idea that I am judging a person who thinks this way, or anyway for that matter. I am simply stating observations from my experience and NOT assigning a value to it.) My first efforts at meditation were highly motivated by this sort of thinking. This person may be trying to know God, but the reality of it is that they are still very much attached to the physical world and would be quite happy to be here if everything was going well in their life. They will certainly re-incarnate once again. Again for this sort of person, the goal of mediation should be to simply gain control of the mind in order to live a happy life.

Then there is the person who has done it all, or all that they really want to do, over many lifetimes. They have discovered that the external objects of the world hold little or no meaning for them. They have discovered that they can be happy anytime they wish. They can still enjoy things of the physical world, but they can also enjoy being without these things. They are no longer motivated by chasing these things; they are motivated by discovering who they really are and what their relationship to God is. This sort of person already has a great deal of control over their mind, they already understand the relationship between their thoughts and what those thoughts create and attract. The goal of mediation for this sort of person should be to still the mind in order to move beyond the physical while still having a physical body.

I want to stress that there is no right or wrong in being in any of these places in your eternal life. You are where you are, it is best to accept that and move through life content and happy to be who you are and where you are. It is all in divine perfection. Too many religious or spiritual people try to force a stage of practice or development on themselves or on another person that is not right for them and their place in their eternal life.

Also don’t take everything I am saying here as absolute truth. I am now discussing things that I have some experience with mixed in with some divinely inspired intuition and book knowledge based on the writings of masters far more advanced than I. Normally I like to teach from a safe place, from my own personal experience, but to do this topic justice I must go a little further out on a limb. I have reached some pretty deep states, but they were a gift from God and not a highly developed skill that I have. Those experiences were a prod to make me reach harder for a state of mind I previously doubted existed.

To be continued…

Love and Blessings,

Michael Skowronski

Author of Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story

Popularity: 4% [?]

Are miracles that are reported throughout history true? Or are they just the hopeful fantasies of silly superstitious people? I say, for the most part, they are true and I will tell you why further down…

When Jesus performed his miracle of the loaves and fishes before the great crowds that came to hear him speak what was the first thing that he did? FIRST He gave thanks, second he broke the bread and fishes, and third he instructed his disciples to distribute them to the crowds. Jesus gave thanks even before the miracle had occurred. Gratitude is a very powerful tool for creating. You cannot just give lip service, or mental service to gratitude, for when gratitude is done properly it is ALWAYS followed by a very good feeling that we refer to as gratitude. This feeling often moves us to tears…that is how powerful this feeling is.

I am often moved to tears by the responses of my friends on MySpace and here on my blog. THANK YOU FOR YOUR LOVE!!! Some of my friends send me their gratitude for the work they see me doing. This brings tears to my eyes. Some of my friends have asked for my help to get them through some difficult situation. Once I have finished composing my email response to them, I am filled with intense gratitude because helping people is the biggest goal that I have for my life…more tears, even before I receive a grateful response back.

It is our emotions that tell us when our thoughts are on target. If we are feeling bad, we have separated ourselves from God, we have separated ourselves from our own higher power, from our source of energetic sustenance. But when we feel good, we are on target, we are connected with God, we are receiving our intuition, we are on our path in life heading where we ultimately want to be heading. And do not confuse this with the path that others, such as our family or our society, want us to go, this path I am referring to is the path that we have chosen along with the higher aspects of ourselves that is in direct communication with God.

I have experienced MANY miracles in my life. First let me say, that a miracle is just an event in life that we do not understand. All miracles occur according to spiritual law and coming into alignment with spiritual law. But for the most part we don’t understand these laws and so it seems like there has been some sort of divine intervention. There is no intervention, we are divine, we have only forgotten this fact and happened to stumble unknowingly upon the right thoughts and actions to receive our miracle. (Even if I word things otherwise, which I sometimes do, it is only so that what I am saying can be easily understood or accepted by others…other masters do the same…but they too know this fact I just stated.)

The more you practice the more you will understand Spiritual Law. Taking an active role by studying the teachings of great masters is the best place to start…but you still have to do the work, do the practice. You must come to understand the relationship between your thoughts and your feelings and the results you receive…including both the inner changes in your personality as well as the outer world changes that become manifest in your experience.

There was a time that I thought these reported miracles were a myth, a fantasy, the delusions of some superstitious people. But I no longer brush reports of miracles off so easily. I have had two major physical healing miracles in my life, and many minor ones too. The first major one is detailed in my book, Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story. The second one is detailed in a book that is just about to be published by another author called Living the Law of Attraction. Details about that book can be found at this website: http://livingtheloa.com

I live an amazing life…I know some of you who have read my bulletins and blogs might think I have a lot of dramas, that is true I do, but for every drama I have about ten things that are going so very very well. And those dramas I am also calling to myself by deliberately asking God to heal me of the last of my issues with judgment, anger, and criticism. I have been saving the best stories of amazing coincidences and miracles for my books. These experiences I have had, and deliberately call to myself, are due to the spiritual laws that I do understand…and GRATTITUDE is at the TOP of the list when it comes to POWERFUL ways to use the mind.

Be sure to remember to take ten minutes to remember everything you are grateful for. Actually this is a good practice to do every day. You too would experience many miracles if you did this ten minute practice every day. Guaranteed!

Love and Blessings to all,

Michael Skowronski

Author of Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story
Also on Amazon.com and BarnesAndNoble.com…including awesome book reviews!

Popularity: 4% [?]

This is the last part of the series entitled Reprogramming Yourself. Its second installment is Reprogramming Anger.

Recently (November 2006) I have been getting very angry at the dangerous Indian drivers. We just purchased a car two months ago and with our business workings I have been driving in India much more often and much further. I have ideas of what a safe and considerate driver should be based on my experiences in America and Australia. Indians are not like that. In some ways I like the freedom from over-regulation that Indians enjoy, but too many drivers drive very dangerously or without consideration of anyone else on the road. Coming only inches from being hit by a driver who is traveling in the opposite direction at very high speeds are common occurrences. Having someone cut a turn right in front of you with no time to stop is a common occurrence. People walking in the street, with no regard for their own safety, animals, large rocks and other objects, large potholes, all add to the stress.

Just one example of how this came to a head for me and made me begin to deal with it happened in early November of 2006. I was driving home from Kottayam (a 3 hour drive). I had three different drivers get in my way for no reason while I was trying to pass them. They were going slower than I wanted to go; I drive a safe but brisk speed. I had signaled with my horn as usual. And they responded by moving into the middle of the road preventing me from passing them. They had no apparent reason for doing this. There were no blockages on their side of the road. It was not a curve. There were no oncoming vehicles. What I was trying to do was usual and expected driving behavior there in India. I believed they were blocking me on purpose and I got quite angry. I began accumulating these offenses and thinking about pulling one of them over, yanking them out of their cars, and beating them in the street. I spent a fair amount of time thinking these kinds of thoughts, never really intending to do so. Also I was accumulating judgment about all of the other oncoming busses, trucks and even cars that were driving in my lane when there was plenty of room in their own lane. The anger in me built up.

Then it happened… I was passing a bus in a very safe manor on wide open road. I had nearly gotten past the bus when I heard it lightly hit the left rear bumper of my car. I went into a mad rage. If I had thought about it I would have known he did no damage to my car. He did not affect my course of driving at all. But all of that built up emotion enraged me. Somehow I grabbed the parking brake lever and pulled it up. I never use that, except for parking and starting out on a hill. I don’t know why I pulled on it. That type of break locks into place. You have to push a button to release it. Because of the speed we were driving and not really understanding what I had just done I did not have the presence of mind to release the break. This caused me to spin my car and land on the side of the road in tall grass and weeds up against a hillside.

I got out of the car in a furious rage. I went to the bus driver’s window, climbed up, reached in and smacked him in the face. I didn’t slap him very hard, but it was insulting. Then I broke one of his windshield wipers off and threw it in the street. He got off the bus and I threatened to beat him. About twenty other men got off the bus and they were all threatening to beat me. I am sure they did not even know that the bus driver hit me. All they knew was that I spun my car and then smacked the driver for it and then continued to abuse him verbally. It was really crazy. Eventually my wife Shyni got me to calm down and we left. Thank God there was no real damage to our car or to us.

I had already been doing work to get over my anger at all of the people and cows who hang out in the road, and especially those who don’t move even when honking the horn right next to them. I had done pretty well with keeping myself calm with them. I had been telling myself that, “Everyone has a right to use the road. These people are God too.” And other things like that. It was working.

But it seemed that I just could not get over my judgment of the other drivers whose actions were dangerous and un-courteous. Well I wasn’t trying either. I felt justified in my mind that their actions were wrong and that my ideas about driving were right. Until this event occurred. After that I realized that God was prodding me through that bus driver and all of the other drivers too. It became very clear because the bus driver really did nothing to me, nor did the other drivers. But my judgmental thinking made me slap a man, which hasn’t happened to me in over 20 years. My anger nearly killed Shyni and me when I spun our car. And even after we were safely stopped, with no real harm to us or the vehicle, my anger nearly got me beaten by a mob of angry men from the bus.

In my life I have learned, more than once, and in more than one way, that if I expect the world to change, or even any single person or event to change, because I did not like it or because “I was right and they were wrong” that I would make myself miserable. And unless I catch each thought of judgment and criticism and change them, then those thoughts would slowly build up and eventually flare up in anger at some specific person or event that probably did not even deserve the anger that was heaped upon them.

It is a big job, but we must watch each and every thought and change the ones that do not serve us. Even if it is possible to evoke a change in the outer world, we must still let go of the judgment and go about changing it from a place of love and the sincere desire to be of help. I so wish I could change Indian drivers, but I cannot. There are millions of them. If I change one, or even fifty, still there will come another and another until I have wasted all of my energy, and still they will keep coming. We must use logic and reason to convince our minds to let go of its judgment, hatred and anger. We must come to recognize where our true safety lies and that is in God. There are no random events. Nothing happens in our reality that we have not earned or created with our energy.

So now when something I don’t like happens on the road my practice is to remind myself, “Nothing really happened, I made it safely. God is watching out for me. Dear God, bless them with awareness of how it is they are driving and how dangerous it is. Help them to learn to drive safely.” When I catch myself moving into judgment I remind myself about what happened and what could have happened. I remind myself of the power of my mind and stop my mind from creating violent revengeful thoughts.

The Miracle - This worked and very powerfully so…I made at least ten more long distance drives like that in India since that incident. Each time I was able to maintain this practice. Each time I kept my peace of mind. Before starting on a long journey I even paused in the driver’s seat long enough to set my mind clearly on the thought process I wanted. I prayed for all the drivers on the road to drive safely while in my presence. I prayed for them to be aware and courteous. I reminded myself that I no longer needed to police them, not even in my mind; I gave that up to God.

It was a miracle! That is exactly how my drives have been since that time. I am sure those same crappy drivers are still on the road doing their same stupid things, but not while I was around. The real world changed as a result of changing my mind. This change persisted in every single drive I made since that time, which was many. The difference in driving experiences was so remarkable that every family member who has driven with me has noticed. Certainly they noticed how much calmer I was, but more than that they noticed that the outer world changed too.

Making that change had a ripple effect in my psyche. I now calm down much quicker in other situations where anger is rising in me even if I feel justified in my perspective on a situation. We shall see what else Life has to reveal to me and in what other ways anger might try to find expression in my life, but for now I know a dramatic change has taken place within me and it is a welcome one.

One by one, piece by piece, we whittle away at our unwanted personality traits and develop new ones that serve us in ever more powerful ways.

Love and Blessings,
Michael Skowronski

P.S. That is not the only time the outer world changed as a result of my inner change. I will admit that was one of the more dramatic ones. I tell many more stories like it in my book Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story. These type of coincidences are (nearly) a daily experience for me. They probably do occur daily, but I still have further to go at being aware enough to notice them all.

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This is the continuation of Reprogramming Yourself

This is an incident that happened to me in November of 2006. Being a teacher of spiritual growth it is doubly embarrassing to my ego when such dysfunctional programming surfaces in my personality. This is extra incentive to me to make necessary changes and as quickly as possible. Anger has been an issue for me all of my life. Even though I have worked on it for many years and have gotten past so much of it, I still find it haunts me. This incident marked a huge change in my automatic reactions and my understanding of how life responds to our thoughts.

It occurred in India, where I live part time. India has pushed me in ways I thought I would never be pushed and brought out a lot of judgment and anger that I thought I was over. The following is an edited version of a letter I wrote to a fellow researcher of truth who was suffering from anger…

Anger, like any emotion, begins in the mind. The actual occurrence of an angry outburst may seem to begin when something happens, but in reality it begins much sooner. Stresses, other emotions like frustration, not getting something that you want, will cause a person to become stressed such that one wrong situation results in an expression of anger. This gradual build up can be stopped by dealing with the weaker emotions that add up to make the anger happen. This requires that you pay more attention to ALL of your emotions and understand where they are coming from and to change your thinking along the way.

The way that you react to life, such as being angry, comes from past programming. Your karma, your personality, your subconscious, past programming are all ways of saying virtually the same thing. It is the result of responding to life in a certain way, repeatedly, until it becomes automatic. Hypnotherapy can help you find the root cause, but still the programming will be there. The solution is to reprogram yourself.

To reprogram yourself requires awareness. You need to pay special attention to those situations that make you angry. You need to recognize when you are not feeling good and strive to make yourself feel good through proper mental exercises. Contemplation and meditation are essential to this practice. Daily you must review your thinking, words and actions of the day and decide if they are serving you or disturbing you. Then you must deliberately program your mind to take a different course of thinking when similar events occur or begin to occur.

Continued in Road Rage…

Love and Blessings,
Michael Skowronski
Author of Unforgettable - A Love and Spiritual Growth Story

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This is the second part of The Kidnapping and The Wedding story

A few hours later Shyni’s brother Shyam and his friend Chellopan were walking into Kumily town. Mohammad came upon them in an auto-rickshaw, stopped them and told them to get in. They refused but said they would walk to the Sandhya’s home-stay. Once Shyam and Chellopan arrived they were asked to go upstairs to a vacant room for a talk. They were told guests were coming and they did not want to be disturbed. Reluctantly Shyam and Chellopan agreed, so they could keep these marriage matters private.

Once upstairs and inside of the room it was locked and Mohammad and Sandhya interrogated them for four hours. Of course Shyam and Chellopan objected, but Mohammad was a large man and they were both afraid of him. The questions were more about the marriage than the motorbike. Mohammad asked insulting things like, “Are you a salesman selling your sister?”

Shyam’s reply was, “They have already married, so there is nothing you can do about it.”

Then Sandhya told Shyam, “Your sister has used this very room to have sex with many men.” But when Shyam inquired about when this had occurred, the dates he was given was the same time that Shyni had been working in Delhi. Interestingly enough there were a couple of times where Mohammad sat next to Sandhya and instinctively placed his hand on her lap, and then realized what he was doing and removed it. They seemed to display an intimacy that should not have been there, especially in India. Shyam felt quite convinced that they were having an affair.

Mohammad twisted Shyam’s wrist behind his back and tried to make him tell more, but Shyam refused. Mohammad also picked up a chair and threatened to beat Shyam, but never followed through. Shyam was in tears a few times, but he gave out very little information.

Shyni told me nothing of this incident until at two years later. Actually it was abduction rather than a kidnapping since they never asked for a ransom. But kidnapping was the term Shyni used when she finally told me about it more than a year later so I have always referred to it that way. Both Shyam and Chellopan were released without any real physical harm being done to them. But their pride was hurt and they were scared. Shyam went to stay with friends in Kottayam for a few days until he got over it.

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This is Part 3 of a story that began with these first two chapters (and a side story):

Part 1 - A Marriage Made in Heaven (Part I, Part II)

Part 2 - The Suicide and the Accident

A Side Story - The Elephants of India

Photos of our Hindu Wedding Ceremony.

After what Shyni’s family referred to as our “First Marriage” I returned back to my home-stay room in Kumily alone. I was hoping that I would not run into
Mohammad, the young man who rented me the motor bike, nor Madhu or Sandhya, the owners of the home-stay. I returned to my room only to change my clothes and take a bucket bath before going out to dinner and hoped I could at least get through dinner before there was a question about the whereabouts of the motorbike.

Showers are not common in India, and when you do find one, they usually don’t work very well, which was the case in my room. Hot water was also not common amongst the native people, as they could not afford the electricity, gas or firewood required to heat the water. Nor did they have the hot water heaters that they called geysers, except in hotel rooms and home-stays that were meant for foreign tourists. It was chilly in the morning and evening, which meant that I needed hot water, and plenty of it. The geyser did not provide quite enough for my needs so I would fill up the bucket with hot water, wait 10 minutes for the geyser to reheat some more, and then begin my bath.

Being an American I had never in my life taken a bucket bath before I came to India. The concept was foreign to me. It was not too difficult to figure out, but still I had never even considered it before my arrival on these foreign shores. You have your large bucket which you fill with water at the desired temperature and a one liter mug which you use to scoop water out and pour over yourself.

I was able to make it through my dinner and back to my room without running into Mohammad. This was actually unusual since he was a “guide” in Kumily and was often seen in the various places I would go including the restaurants. I did not run into Madhu or Sandhya that evening either. It was almost as if Sandhya was avoiding me ever since I announced that I was going to marry Shyni, because in that week of time, she stopped coming by my room to talk. Of course I was hardly ever at my room like I had been in the prior weeks. So I just figured that was the reason.

The next day however was a different story. Mohammad came to my room and asked me where his motorbike was. He had noticed it was not parked outside. He also told me that I had been seen in Peremade, one of his friends had informed him. Mohammad wanted to know what I was doing there. I told him it was none of his business and proceeded to give him a lecture about spying on us a week earlier when Shyni and I was first introduced. But Mohammad would not be distracted by my lecture, he again inquired about the bike and he insisted that I tell him where it was.

I lied to him and saying, “You don’t have to worry about your motorbike Mohammad. I am taking good care of it. It was too cold last night to ride it home so I left it at Shyni’s house and I took a rickshaw back.”

“I went to Shyni’s house just before. My bike is not there. There is going to be trouble. Now you better tell me what happened. I will bring the police here!” Mohammad’s tone turned angry and determined. Again I was surprised at how much he already knew.

“Alright, I had a small accident and the bike is in the shop being repaired. Don’t worry, I will pay for everything.”

“That is my motorbike. You must tell me where it is. I need to file insurance claims.”

“I told you not to worry; I will cover all of the repair costs. It is not that much. The insurance company does not even have to know about the accident.” I was determined to give Mohammad as little information as possible.

“Now you stop playing with me. You must tell me where it is. Did you get hurt? Was there anyone else on the bike with you? Did anyone get hurt?”

“No one got hurt. I was alone.”

“If you don’t tell me where it is I am going to bring the police here…Do you want that?”

“If you bring the police I will tell them how you were spying on our conversation the other evening…Do you want that?”

“You better get that bike back here by this afternoon or there will be trouble.” With that Mohammad walked away in a huff.

I wasn’t sure what to do. I did not think that Shyni would be back home yet, but I went there anyway to see. She was not there. Only her mother Chechi and nephew Eju were there. I could not understand them, nor could they understand me. So I was still left to figure this one out on my own.

I had work to do, so I returned to my room to resume my writing. Mohammed came by and confronted me two other times that same day. Each time I refused to tell him more than I already had. He was not happy.

The next morning I went to Shyni’s home and she was there. We talked about her brother-in-law Gopal who was fine except for some stitches and a swollen knee. Shyni told me the motorbike was in Kottayam, three hours away, being repaired by Gopal’s brother. It was only going to cost Rs. 3000 (Indian Rupees), which is about $75. I could hardly believe the cost would be so low. I figured the metal on the new parts alone would cost that much. In reality it turned out to cost only Rs. 600 more than that.

We talked about what to do about Mohammad, what would we tell him about his bike? Shyni told me to say nothing more than I had to. Then Shyni asked me, “Would you like to stay here instead of the home-stay?

I could not believe it. I replied, “Yes, that would be great. And it would save me some money too!”

“My family has discussed this and you can sleep in the room next to the kitchen and I will sleep with my mother in the main room. We cannot sleep together until our temple marriage.”

That was fine with me. At least I would be closer to Shyni and save money at the same time. And with the dramas with Mohammad, it was also more comforting to be at the family home. So I went straight back to the home-stay to collect my belongings and check out. Fortunately I missed Mohammad, but Sandhya gave me a lecture about hiding Mohammad’s bike from him.

To be continued…

Love and Blessings,

Michael Skowronski

Author of Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story

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This side story is a part of the Marriage Made in Heaven (Part I and Part II) and The Suicide and the Accident stories.

This experience occurred on Friday March 4th 2005, only 4 days after I married and moved in with my new wife Shyni who I had only met for the first time 12 days earlier. It occurred in village of Kumily in the state of Kerala South India.

As I was leaving for my morning walk into the forest I was told, intuitively, to take my camera with me, that I would see elephants. The only resistance I had was that I had never seen any thing other than wild monkeys and deer and that I had all of the scenic nature pictures of the landscapes that I needed, I did not want to carry unnecessary equipment. But the message was very clear, so I went back into the house and got it.

On my way up the mountain I ran into two native Indian guides showing a Scottish man around. I always cringed when a native saw me in the forest because I know I would be getting a lecture about the safety of trekking in the jungle alone. This is the Periyar Tiger Reserve. Not only are there wild tigers, but there are also wild monkeys, cobra snakes, and elephants which have been known to kill people, even tourists. It is dangerous and it is illegal to trek alone without an official guide, so it was possible I could have been given a fine as well, or even been taken to jail. In reality they were actually locals giving illegal guided tours of the forest to visiting tourists, but I did not know that at the time. I thought they were official guides. The guides signaled me to come to them.

When I got there I received the expected lecture and then they pointed out some rustling in the trees and told me it was elephants. A few times I could see a bit of grey, or even a trunk, through the trees, but I never got a good view of the elephants. It was easy to see the direction of their movement because the trees and bamboo would move as they passed through. When it became clear that the elephants were heading in our direction the guides ran away in a hurry. They were very cautious, too cautious in my opinion. They started to descend the mountain, with me following them reluctantly. After walking less than a minute they turned to me to ask, “Where are you going?” I replied, “I would like to go up the mountain.” One of them said, “Ok, but be careful.”

I began heading up to the top, until the others were out of sight. Then I stopped and thought for a moment, I would like to get some photos of those elephants. Is it worth the risk? I decided it was and headed back towards them. We met up fairly quickly since it turned out they were heading my way at the exact same time.

There they were. The elephants were on the very same path I was on. In full view, open space, only 20 feet in front of me. I snapped a couple of photos and then got frightened and backed away to where they could not see me anymore. I gathered up more courage and set camera to video mode. I walked back to where I had a good view of them and started filming. Both times I squatted down low on the foot path, making myself look smaller to communicate that I posed no threat to them.

Slowly the elephants were walking towards me, once they got too close for comfort I turned to walk further away, when I turned back to see how far they had come I noticed that they had picked up their pace. I stopped filming and headed for safety. They stopped walking about the same time so I got a couple more photos. Then the big one in front stamped his foot on the ground a couple of times and made a few noises, I took that as a signal to back away again. Once I did, the elephants made a right turn and started heading away from me.

Cautiously I followed taking photos and video as we went. Within about five minutes a few of the elephants stopped to eat the bark off of a tree. Slowly and cautiously I made my way to a place that I perceived would be a safe spot to get more video and photos. Unfortunately there was too much brush in the way so I climbed the nearest tree where I was able to get good photos. The elephants watched me as I climbed. I was just a little worried they would come after me once I got up into the tree, but more worried that my climbing would scare them away. By the time I got up into the tree one of the elephants walked away, only two elephants remained. From this vantage point I got some excellent photos and video. At one point I began coughing which scarred the elephants away. I figured I had enough good photos and I would not risk my life any further trying to get more. All up I spent about twenty five minutes with the elephants.

I proceeded to the top of the lower peak and had my meditation time. When I returned back to Shyni’s house I said nothing until I had the photos on my computer for the show. Everyone was surprised to see those photos, especially at how close up I was. Shyni looked at me like I was both incredibly brave and stupid. She told me, “Don’t make me a widow so soon.” Many times during the day she lectured me about being careful. I reassured her by telling her, “I can tell when I am safe or not. Most animals are peaceful and can feel that in me and there is no problem. But if they are not I can tell, and I would stay away.” Shyni then told me, “If you ever have to get away from them run downhill. They can easily run uphill, but downhill their weight gives them trouble so they must go slowly. When Shyni’s mother returned home late that evening she told Shyni not to let me go hiking in that forest alone again. She made many comments in Malayalam. Even though I did not understand her words, I could feel her sense of shock and fear for my safety.

I do not suggest that you try such a thing unless you are very good at reading energy and very good with animals. What I did was dangerous, I risked my life. But for me it felt right. I did not feel like I was in danger. Mentally I knew the chance was there, but I did not feel the danger.

Love and Blessings,
Michael Skowronski
Author of Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story

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