A woman lied to her husband about making their car payments. Of course it came out later and now there is great turmoil in their lives. What relationship advice would you give this couple?
The following phrase comes to mind when giving relationship advice, “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.”
The reason is because this woman, if she is paying attention, has certainly learned something. The man too. Specific relationship advice may not be needed. But overall personal growth and understanding are certainly needed for these two people…otherwise they would not be making such big mistakes. Yet perhaps right now they do need specific relationship advice for handling this specific relationship problem. Like a hungry man, its hard to learn how to fish when you are hungry…so give the fish but then teach the skill of fishing.
Specific Relationship Advice - Eat This Fish
The wife needs to sincerely apologize and make it right by taking care of the financial problem she created. The husband needs to love her anyways and try to discover how and if he helped create this situation. Did he somehow leave her desperate for money? Blame won’t help now. Seeking to understand and improve your responses to life will.
Live and learn. When people try to make it about right and wrong, when condemning judgment enters the picture much pain and suffering is sure to follow.
Own what you have done. Make sure you learn from it. Evaluate how it made him feel, how it made you feel, what it did to your own self esteem, how you lost trust in his eyes, how it will feel the next time he questions you and perhaps does not trust you are telling the truth.
But do not condemn yourself or him. Instead come to understand yourself better and the cause and effect nature of life. Reprogram yourself so the habits of thought and action that caused this situation no longer occur.
Having a coach to help you understand life, yourself and your relationships better is one of the best investments you can make in yourself. DO IT, and you will be fed for all of your life times! (Yes plural, life times!)
In desperation she exclaimed, “I just want love! All I want is love! I want to love somebody! Is that too much to ask? Is there something wrong with that?”
I answered her frustrated questions by explaining, “There is nothing wrong with wanting love, however if you want love, you must feel love which comes from being love…” Then I asked, “How is your self esteem? Do you have low self esteem?”
She was still very emotional and almost in tears when she replied, “What is self esteem?!? When someone treats me right I have high self esteem. When I have been alone for too long I have no self esteem, it is like nobody loves me. But when my boyfriend was fighting with me and when he left me I did have low self esteem…I…I felt like a piece of shit. I just want somebody to love! What does self esteem have to do with this? My self esteem depends on how they treat me.” Her tears came flooding out with those last words.
Sadly this is the state of mind far too many people are in. They simply want to know love, to feel loved, to love forever. But they don’t know how. They don’t know why love is missing from their lives. They don’t know why they attract people who don’t love them back, or who use them and then leave them.
I used to feel that way a lot in my twenties and thirties. Even in my early forties I felt that way at times. But something happened to me in my mid forties that changed me forever. I finally built high self esteem and I became enlightened.
I have a challenge for those of you who are thinking, “What kind of ego trip is this guy on? Enlightened? Who does he think he is?” The challenge is this…for you to think that way means that you don’t believe enlightenment is really possible for us mere mortals, or that you believe it is very rare. You believe enlightenment and high self esteem must be something very difficult to come by. You have not known anyone who was enlightened or had high self esteem.
Is that correct? Do you think and believe something along those lines?
Well I am here to tell you that enlightenment and healthy self esteem are not as rare as you might think and it is not as impossible to come by as you might imagine.
They are skills that must be developed. Like an athlete who wishes to compete against other athletes it requires training and a coach. Certainly you have to do the work, but without someone who knows how to get you there, without the guidance of someone who knows the territory it is easy to get lost and confused and to come to the conclusion that enlightenment is impossible and low self esteem will be your lot in life forever.
Okay, so I digressed…My point is that once I became enlightened, once I had high self esteem, my relationship problems, loneliness and my relationship issues became a thing of the past.
Now I always have love. Now I am never lonely, not even when I am alone. Now I love being alone. And I only spend time with people who treat me good. I find it easy to walk away from situations where I am disrespected without engaging in an ego battle. I am happy whenever I want to be happy, no matter what is happening in the outside world.
I am not bragging here. I am trying to help you realize what is possible! I know many other people who have transformed their lives in just such a way as I have done. I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT TOO! YOU CAN TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE! You can be love, you can give love, and you can receive love…and you can be in love…but not until YOU change. It won’t happen because some knight in shining armor comes along and whisks you away from your troubles. Unless you change love and happiness will be like water held in the palm of your hands, it will slip through your fingers.
Hopefully you are now asking, “How can I build self esteem? What is the best way to improve self esteem? How do I become enlightened?” It doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time and practice. But once you gain these qualities, they are yours forever more.
That is why I wrote my book, Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story. It tells my story of going through this process. And my story of loving and losing a loved one…yet still having love. This book will answer those questions.
That is why I wrote The Ultimate Guide to Relationship Healing and made it into an audio program so you could listen to it as well as read it to learn from it. That is why I created the Relationship Healing Group so that you could get the personal coaching you need at an affordable price.
You must make an investment in your own life and in your future. At a bare minimum you must invest your time. You must seek out this better life. There are plenty of inexpensive and free resources available. However, having a relationship coach giving you personalized relationship advice, having a life coach teaching you how life really works, having someone to counsel you and guide you will certainly help your personal growth occur much much faster.
What frustrates me is how few people really want to be healthy and happy. Their lack of action speaks loud and clear. They would rather just complain about how unfair life is than to put any effort into changing themselves.
Imagine how much more amazing this world would be if each person owned their own personal power and stopped blaming their miserable lives on others. Happy people everywhere…not the just the fake smiles and temporary gratification that comes from shopping or coffee at the local coffee bar…but true inner happiness.
Truly happy people are a rare gift. I love to bask in their energy when I discover such people. What if everyone was like this? A guy can dream can’t he?
Unfortunately ending relationship problems often means ending a relationship. Whether you want to know how to break up with your boyfriend, girlfriend, or just a friend…“How to break up a relationship?” is a difficult question to answer.
What makes “How to breakup advice” so difficult? Well that is just one of the questions I will answer in this “How to Breaking Up Advice” blog as well as giving you relationship advice on…
What I will be actually teaching you is how you will know what is best for you in your own unique circumstances. I wish to empower you to be able to make breakup and other decisions with confidence and create the best outcome possible.
Why is How to Breakup Advice so Difficult?
I believe this funny video provides a true glimpse into the nature of unaware people. We are surrounded by such people who are constantly advising us from their limited perspective on life even though they have a lot of relationship problems of their own.
I wish to help you move towards a more powerful and aware version of yourself and away from the influence of such people. Not because they are unworthy but because their approach to life and relationships will not serve you in being happy and fulfilled.
One of the reasons giving relationship advice is so difficult is because the advice that actually brings you the best future life is often NOT what the majority of people are advising. Like all of the characters in that video most people are unaware. They have a very narrow focus in life and are not paying attention to how life really works.People operate from bad habits they learned growing up. People react to their emotions rather than from a peaceful place of knowing what is really going on and from the logic of what will truly bring the best outcome into their life experience.
Unfortunately this majority mindset has too much influence on a person who is suffering over the decision of ending a relationship and how to break up.
While I can and will give you specific relationship advice like “how to breakup” and “how to know when to break up” wouldn’t it be even better if I helped you move into a place of true wisdom and personal power?
Join the Relationship Healing Group and you will discover the root of all of life’s problems and how to overcome them all.
You will have to make millions of decisions in your life. Learning how to make tough decisions for yourself is more important than taking the advice for one specific relationship problem from someone else who does not walk in your shoes.
When to End a Relationship
Ending a relationship should occur when you feel like it is time, when you are ready for it to end…not when other people think you should end it. When YOU are ready!
It does not matter if you took marriage vows of “till death do us part.” It does not matter if your partner will suffer great emotional stress or even threatens to commit suicide. And it does not matter if other people are screaming at you to leave when you feel you should stay.
YOU must make YOUR OWN decisions about what is best for YOU in YOUR LIFE. Other people must make decisions on what is best for them in their own lives. We are all responsible for ourselves number one first and foremost.
You will make the best decisions when you are in a peaceful and loving state of mind, not when you are under emotional stress. Strong emotions cause us to think and react in irrational ways.
This process will help you make ending relationship decisions as well as other important decisions…
Bring yourself to a calm and peaceful state of mind. (Do what it takes. This is a very important step.)
Close your eyes and imagine one of your perceived options playing itself out.
Imagine it in great detail and what each decision leads to.
FEEL how it feels to live that experience as you are imagining it.
Repeat those steps above with each possible option.
Choose the option that feels the best, make the decision, and move forward to the next step.
Life changes, more options appear, you have the opportunities to decide again…repeat the entire process every day of your life. (Notice that this requires that you remain awake and continue to feel and make decisions that make you feel good.)
I teach more about this process and why it works so well in The Ultimate Guide to Relationship Healing audio program. If you JOIN MY Relationship Healing Group you can ask me personally for more help with this process or anything else I teach along the lines of Relationship Advice and Spiritual Healing.
My specific breakup advice for ending a bad relationship is to get out once you see a negative pattern. Abuse, judgments, manipulations, lies, cheating, anger, hatred are habits that people develop. The very nature of habits is that they are repeated.
When you first start dating you will see your lover behave in a negative way only towards other people, then when they get comfortable with you and have won your trust and devotion they will behave badly with you too.
Unless a person is taking an active role in changing, they will not change. It is that simple…so who are their teachers?
Who is your teacher? If you wish to attract a different sort of person you too need to change; otherwise you can break up and leave this person yet the next person is likely to behave very much the same until you do change. So who is your teacher? Who will guide you in making your changes?
How to End a Relationship – How to Break Up Nicely
The key is to break up as nicely as possible. No matter what your soon to be ex has done, no matter how badly they have behaved, do not let the other person turn you into a monster! You still have to answer to Karma, to God, to your own conscious (and even to the laws of your country) for your thoughts, words and deeds.
By behaving badly yourself you will develop your own bad habits of behaving badly. Do NO Harm! Let Life deal with your soon to be ex-partner and their bad habits…trust me, eventually Life will do exactly that. Even if you never see them get what is coming to them.
However, do not misconstrue this advice to mean you should not protect yourself. You definitely need to protect yourself. But question what is necessary and what is not. Go back to the decision making advice I gave earlier in this blog. Remain calm and peaceful and carefully work out your best options and then follow through to the best of your ability.
Why can’t you “Text Message Breakup” as in the video at the top of this blog? Who says you can’t do it that way? It might just be the right way for you to do it. However in most cases, this is NOT the most respectful way to break up with someone you love or have loved.
Breaking up with someone is difficult. It is emotionally stressful. There is guilt about your own actions. There is worry and fear about what your partner’s reaction might be and all sorts of other negative feelings.
Do NOT run away from your feelings. Feel them! Acknowledge them. Ask yourself which of your own thoughts and actions each of your feelings come from. Make your mind up to change your own habits, to reprogram yourself, such that you do not repeat any behaviors that give you negative feelings.
Negative feelings in regards to your own behaviors tells you that you are not doing your best, you are not living up to your potential, and you are not heading towards your own true goals in life. So let your feelings help you to see where it is that you need to change, and then make the necessary changes in yourself.
How to Break Up Depends Upon Your Circumstances
If your partner might get violent or abusive, do it in public or with a calm and protective friend. If you feel like you might get stalked or harassed seek out legal advice and seek out advice on avoiding a stalker. Protect yourself with information.
A WARNING about involving the police…These days the police are willing to lock up anybody, anytime, for any reason. It is a sad state of affairs in America. A woman can call the police and get a man locked up with a few lies.
Legal fees to pay for an attorney are steep. If you need to involve the police have some compassion for the person you are getting locked up. Be honest. Do not take advantage of the situation to get revenge.
I have seen too much of this lately with women who call the police as a way to get revenge on a man who displeases them in some way. Play nice and play fair.
Jail time and $10,000 in legal fees is not a fair price to pay when someone simply changes their mind or cheats on you or plays some other silly drama. Reserve the calls to the police for when there is a real possibility of danger.
If you feel your partner might do harm to themselves then ask one of their own trusted friends to come and be with you both when you break up so that when you leave your partner they have some immediate support.
If you have a relatively sane partner then just do it quickly and cleanly. You don’t have to go into great detail. By the time it comes to breaking up either you should have already talked your issues out and seen that you were not getting satisfaction, or you just came to the place where you were through with the relationship.
In depth explanations at breakup time should not be necessary.
Trying to remain friends does work for some people. But if there are strong attachments on one side or another, then someone is going to be hoping to reunite every time you meet up as friends. That will be awkward and prolong the pain.
Your intentions are the key in this delicate situation. Wish the best for the partner you are breaking up with. Wish them love and peace and abundance and emotional sanity.
For the next 21 days pray for them daily to have these things. Then go about creating the life you wish to live for yourself.
Relationship breakups can open you up to a whole new world of possibilities. Get excited about what lies ahead and let go of the attachments and pain of the past.
Best Wishes on a Happy New Life,
Michael Skowronski
P.S. Getting involved in my Relationship Healing Group and listening to The Ultimate Guide to Relationship Healing can help you at any stage of your life. Whether you are single, just starting a new relationship, struggling to keep it together, or breaking up, my Relationship Healing products and services will help you evolve and become enlightened about life.
“I am finding it so difficult to move on and let go of a relationship gone wrong.
“I met person this man on the internet who lied and manipulated me for one year. We had the worst abusive arguments in which he used my own childhood abuse against me. He used other women to make me jealous and disappeared on me more times than I can count. Yet he obsessively sought to possess and control me, accuse me of cheating even though I never did.
“I was not innocent either…I was moody, quiet, bored easily with conversation, demanding, and also very argumentative at times. I entered into abusive behavior and insults and often would self destruct by jeopardizing things when they were smooth. I’m not sure if it was because I was so angry inside, depressed, unfulfilled, lonely, desperate, and resentful or just testing his love for me and my trust of him.
“I have seen these are my issues and have been working on them myself. A lot of things seem clearer but many not and still very confused over everything. After one year we did meet and had some very rare and few beautiful moments, but mostly the same old dramas continued. I also found out lot of truth in this time that the man was a virgin at 42 years old; he lived life of recluse, suffered with mental illness, anger, paranoia, OCD and lived a weird unhealthy life with his mother who he claimed to take care of but he slept all day whilst caregivers took care of her.
“It is my fault that things haven’t stopped because I hold on and it’s been two and a half years now, although after the last huge fight and disappearance at Christmas I tried to get on with life, went on self development courses and did lots of research into my behavior and healing work.
“Three months later he returned wanting me back and saying he loved me, admitting much was his fault. Then be began again to go into old behavior of past and blame and starting fights so I wouldn’t go back, but it sent me backwards and I haven’t been able to get back on track since.
“He has left me alone but I contact him still looking for answers, sometimes comfort sometimes hoping he will realize and change but he feels no changes are needed and goes as far to say that I interpret too much, go to deep when talking about ego and behavior and reasons behind it, also says I use it to get myself off hook, which isn’t true of course.
“He tells me what happened in first year is unrelated, that after we met he made great effort and I destroyed it all with my attitude and pressure on him, so he tells me he’s too exhausted to try though loves me and has no will.
“You would think that would be enough to send me on my way but i am filled with anger and resentment at sacrifices I’ve made as well as time wasted, all the hurt and not having sex for 3 years to please and be faithful to him.
“I’ve come to the end of my rope and through research and self development and my own writing I am much stronger in many ways and aware of much, I still feel confused is this my fault? Why did it happen to me?
“Why does he not realize and change? Why does he not love me enough or see me as special enough to fight for me? But more importantly why can’t I just let this go and get over him, sometimes I just feel he isn’t worth it at all and this is just my own ego in turmoil because it was rejected.
“I would really appreciate some insight into this and how to move forward, also if it helps others can be used for blog but just ask you don’t use my name or links as he is on MySpace too and I fear he would do something nasty if he found out I told anyone of this.”
You won’t find answers in other people. Consider how screwed up you feel at times. From what you have written I know you must feel screwed up. Well MOST of humanity is like that. We tend to think other people are doing fine, when in reality most are just barely holding it together. So don’t look for answers about why other people are the way they are. The reasons are many. There are no answers except to say that other people are very fluid, shifting and changing…there is no stability in others.
You must find the answers inside of yourself. You must find this stability inside of yourself. My blogs are specifically written to help people find that stability. Recently I have hardly done any blogging. That is because the blogs I have already written do contain all the answers you need to gain sanity in your life. They also include reading and video recommendations to help keep your mind focused on positive, uplifting, life giving topics.
Start here Self Healing Guide – From Misery to Bliss because that blog recommends which blogs to read and why to read them as well as fills in the gaps for a complete self healing plan.
(I removed much information at this point due to the reasons stated below)
Be sure to read this blog too…Attracting the Right Kind of Lover because it talks about how to read the signs when meeting a new person and first getting involved. All the signs are there right in front of you but you do not know how to read them.
(I removed much information at this point due to the reasons stated below)
I hope I have not sounded harsh or judgmental. That is NOT my intention. It is clear to me, and I am sure it is clear to many of my friends who are reading this, that right now you cannot see what is right in front of you. This is because you don’t have enough experience with good healthy people and don’t know what they look or feel like. It will take some time for you to adjust and see through these things. Continue doing the work on yourself and eventually you will get there.
“I’m grateful for your help, everything made sense of what you said, but I am still very disturbed as I gave everything for first time in my life to someone I hardly knew, I also saw what that woman said [in the comments below] that she loved even before she met him and I was very same. Its very difficult to explain but I saw something in him beneath everything like some deep connection I have never experienced before. Maybe he came to teach me a lesson.”
(There WAS much more to this blog but it has been removed…
see details below)
Click here to read the comments left by those that read the full blog. You will see that MANY people found a lot of help in the content of my blogs. Unfortunately I had to remove the content of most of my blogs for the reason stated further below.You can continue reading my blogs by joining my relationship healing group, the details of which you can find at http://RelationshipAdviceSite.com By joining my healing group you will get…
The Ultimate Guide to Relationship Healing a four hour Audio Program.
All of my blogs.
MANY hours of additional Audio programs.
Live Tele-Classes given by me where you will have the opportunity to ask your own specific questions.
Access to my coaching via email just like you have seen in my blogs on MySpace.
Why did I Remove my Blog Content from MySpace & gr8Wisdom.com?
I spent more than a year doing free spiritual and relationship counseling on MySpace. If you review the comments on my blogs (which I have left intact for you to review) you can see that I have spent a great deal of time, covered a lot of topics, AND A LOT OF PEOPLE WERE HELPED BY MY ADVICE. I have really enjoyed it and thank all of you who have participated. Many of my friends have touched my heart very deeply. I love you all!
Unfortunately doing it for free has resulted in me not being able to write new blogs or serve as many people as I would like too. Doing it for free has caused me to maintain a fulltime job with not enough time to coach those people who want and need the help I have to offer. By charging for my services I will eventually be able to quit my job and do my spiritual counseling work full time.
My blogs really do contain all you need to know in order to live a healthy and happy life and the live coaching I offer in the healing group fills in the gaps. Please consider joining this group today. http://RelationshipAdviceSite.com
Most of us are very familiar with how much our own families can hurt us. One of my friends wrote to me with her concerns…
“I was recently verbally attacked by “Christians” telling me because I am Wiccan I am “of the devil” and that my child (who has a cleft lip) came out deformed because of my way of life. What’s worse is they were family. Should I defend myself and stand up for my beliefs or should I just stand and take it. I know I am in the right, but the comments are really hurtful and I really want to say something but I don’t want to cause conflict.“
It sounds to me like you are already doing all the right things except for one…you are making too much of what other people think or say.
There are a lot of really hurtful, ignorant, and immature people in the world. Unfortunately those people are our relatives…
(Much content was removed due to the reasons stated below.)
I bet you would enjoy and get a lot out of my book Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story because it tells of many such experiences we went through with negative family members. In the book I reveal the lessons we got from our teachers and how we applied those lessons and the results we got. We had many miracles including physical healing miracles. Honestly, this book touches on most issues that people in relationship will encounter, our dysfunctional ways that needed healing, how we healed them, and the amazing results we got. In the book I am really open especially about my own thoughts and ignorance and harmful ways of trying to meet my own needs, and what it took to heal those things within myself. Not only that, but it is all told in a touching, humorous and emotional love story.
(There WAS much more to this blog but it has been removed…
see details below)
Click here to read the comments left by those that read the full blog. You will see that MANY people found a lot of help in the content of my blogs. Unfortunately I had to remove the content of most of my blogs for the reason stated further below.You can continue reading my blogs by joining my relationship healing group, the details of which you can find at http://RelationshipAdviceSite.com By joining my healing group you will get…
The Ultimate Guide to Relationship Healing a four hour Audio Program.
All of my blogs.
MANY hours of additional Audio programs.
Live Tele-Classes given by me where you will have the opportunity to ask your own specific questions.
Access to my coaching via email just like you have seen in my blogs on MySpace.
Why did I Remove my Blog Content from MySpace & gr8Wisdom.com?
I spent more than a year doing free spiritual and relationship counseling on MySpace. If you review the comments on my blogs (which I have left intact for you to review) you can see that I have spent a great deal of time, covered a lot of topics, AND A LOT OF PEOPLE WERE HELPED BY MY ADVICE. I have really enjoyed it and thank all of you who have participated. Many of my friends have touched my heart very deeply. I love you all!
Unfortunately doing it for free has resulted in me not being able to write new blogs or serve as many people as I would like too. Doing it for free has caused me to maintain a fulltime job with not enough time to coach those people who want and need the help I have to offer. By charging for my services I will eventually be able to quit my job and do my spiritual counseling work full time.
My blogs really do contain all you need to know in order to live a healthy and happy life and the live coaching I offer in the healing group fills in the gaps. Please consider joining this group today. http://RelationshipAdviceSite.com
This blog is an answer to a couple of letters from a friend who is having difficulties leaving her abusive husband. If you have some practical advice or resources for women in California with this sort of difficulty please post as a comment.
“Dearest Michael,
“Thank you for your Relationship Breakups – How to Cope blog. I have found it helpful and I am in agreement with much of what you have said.
“I have been trying to make a marriage work for a long time now that was more than likely doomed from the start and now I am trapped or at least unaware of a way out.”
Becoming trapped in a relationship or feeling trapped is a very bad sign that you are not in the right place, not with the right person, not doing that which nurtures your soul.
“I was unable to work for most of the last 5 yrs due to the abuse I received from my husband. I was depressed and suicidal. I committed myself to the mental hospital 2 or 3 times and was heavily medicated for much of that time.”
I often wonder why people stay in such relationships for so long. I guess this is how we learn that we cannot change other people who do not want to change. But I would suggest to a young and inexperienced person to take heed of such telltale signs early in a relationship and get out much sooner. Don’t let tradition, religion, or the coercion of family stop you from protecting yourself.
(Removed much of my advice due to the reasons stated below.)
“My husband was sexually molested by a catholic priest when he was 10. He was an altar boy. I am telling you this because I want you to be able to understand, as I do, that there are reasons in his case, for the arrogance as you have explained it. I understand that I have been subjected to his lies, cheating and manipulation, emotional, verbal and financial abuse because of what happened to him.”
(Removed my advice due to the reasons stated below.)
“After a lot of soul searching, reading and contact with blessed angels such as you, I have finally come to a better place within myself; I have a greater understanding. I no longer take any medication other than my blood pressure pill and a multi-vitamin. I was finally able to get a part-time, minimum wage job, which has recently become an “on-call” position and have kept it for about 3 months now.
“Unfortunately, while I am extremely grateful and blessed to be mentally and spiritually better, some of the abuse continues and I know that it would be best for the both of us to move on. He still has anger management problems and is verbally abusive and he still controls all of the money except my tiny paycheck. I have been unable to set much of that aside as I have had to use that money for my basic necessities. I don’t even know how much he makes. And he has told me he will fight having to pay me alimony because of all of the years he had to support me while I couldn’t work. I cannot afford to be alive right now let alone afford an attorney to help me.”
(Removed my advice due to the reasons stated below.)
“There are shelters that may be able to help me, but they are run by the Catholic Church. How am I supposed to go and ask for help from the same people that technically put me in this position to begin with? I have no money or support system. No family that is willing to help me, I’m lonely and scared and I don’t know what to do. And so yes, I have considered suicide. All I know is that I cannot take this situation anymore as it is eating away all of the progress I have made healing myself.”
(Removed my advice due to the reasons stated below.)
“We don’t own any property except our car and I guess I would be entitled to 1/2 the value of that, which isn’t much. I could not afford to stay in our apartment even if I could “kick” him out. I have a call into an attorney and I am waiting for a response. My father told me that he had to pay for my mother’s attorney when they divorced eons ago and he wants me to make my husband pay for the attorney. I honestly don’t know if it works like that or not anymore and I won’t know till I talk to the attorney.”
(Removed my advice due to the reasons stated below.)
“We have been married a little over nine years. Living together longer but I guess that doesn’t count. In California 10 yrs is considered a lengthy marriage and after 10 yrs of marriage I would be entitled to 1/2 of his retirement when he retires. According to the attorney I spoke to a while back, up until 10 yrs, I would be entitled to some sort of alimony for 1/2 of the yrs we were married, so about 4 1/2yrs.
“Understanding how my husband ticks, I think there is an effort on his part, sub conscious or not, to make me end this before our 10th anniversary in December so that I won’t be entitled to any of his retirement. He also has a law suit pending against the church, of which I know few details. I don’t think he wants me to have any access to that potential compensation either, regardless of the fact I have suffered collateral damage from his abuse. He is very Jeckel and Hyde when it comes to money; he always has to have control of it. He is nice as pie when we have it, and mean and nasty when we don’t. So in all honesty the only thing that will be an issue is alimony.
“I’m not looking to rake my husband over the coals. I left my last marriage with little more than bedroom furniture and could have had some alimony but declined it. I just wanted out. I was 22 then and had just gone thru some training and knew that I could get a good paying job. The situation is quite different now. I am going to need some help until I can get on my feet and that’s all I want. After everything I have been through with him (much of which I haven’t mentioned here), I think I deserve at least that.
“I have an appointment with an attorney next week so I should know more then.”
(Removed my advice due to the reasons stated below.)
“Last Sunday I started attending Co-dependents Anonymous meetings to try and get some help and support. My whole life has been spent trying to help and rescue others and now when it is vital to my wellbeing that I focus on rescuing myself, I honestly don’t know how. I am angry and hurt over this relationship and I’m finding it hard not to focus on him and what he’s done to our relationship. And because I’m stuck here with him, I cannot mourn the loss of this relationship appropriately which in turn makes me angrier and hurt.”
(Removed my advice due to the reasons stated below.)
“On top of the marriage problems my 17 yr old college bound, high school basketball star, daughter, informed me last week that she is pregnant and wants to keep the baby. I have a 19 yr old alcohol and drug addicted son who isn’t speaking to me and a 21 yr old daughter who decided to become a stripper instead of going to college. She just got out of jail because her abusive boyfriend falsely accused her of domestic violence. Instead of taking a plea that would have kept her out of jail and could have been expunged, she decided, against my advice of course, to take it to trial where she could end up in jail for quite some time. And, I’m still looking for another job. One with which I will be able to support myself.
“Michael, I feel as though I have stepped into the twilight zone and it is very hard to stay positive during all of this. But I want you to know that I am so grateful for you and my other blessed MySpace friends that have been so caring and supportive during this extremely stressful period in my life. I don’t know what I would do without you guys and I thank my Creator everyday for the blessing of my friends.”
(There WAS much more to this blog but it has been removed…
see details below)
Click here to read the comments left by those that read the full blog. You will see that MANY people found a lot of help in the content of my blogs. Unfortunately I had to remove the content of most of my blogs for the reason stated further below.You can continue reading my blogs by joining my relationship healing group, the details of which you can find at http://RelationshipAdviceSite.com By joining my healing group you will get…
The Ultimate Guide to Relationship Healing a four hour Audio Program.
All of my blogs.
MANY hours of additional Audio programs.
Live Tele-Classes given by me where you will have the opportunity to ask your own specific questions.
Access to my coaching via email just like you have seen in my blogs on MySpace.
Why did I Remove my Blog Content from MySpace & gr8Wisdom.com?
I spent more than a year doing free spiritual and relationship counseling on MySpace. If you review the comments on my blogs (which I have left intact for you to review) you can see that I have spent a great deal of time, covered a lot of topics, AND A LOT OF PEOPLE WERE HELPED BY MY ADVICE. I have really enjoyed it and thank all of you who have participated. Many of my friends have touched my heart very deeply. I love you all!
Unfortunately doing it for free has resulted in me not being able to write new blogs or serve as many people as I would like too. Doing it for free has caused me to maintain a fulltime job with not enough time to coach those people who want and need the help I have to offer. By charging for my services I will eventually be able to quit my job and do my spiritual counseling work full time.
My blogs really do contain all you need to know in order to live a healthy and happy life and the live coaching I offer in the healing group fills in the gaps. Please consider joining this group today. http://RelationshipAdviceSite.com
“Lately I’ve been very emotionally troubled and depressed about all the horrible violence that goes on in our world, not just humans hurting other humans, but humans hurting animals too. I am a huge animal lover and recently have seen some horrible videos about the treatment of cows in slaughterhouses, and even worse, the fur trade in China where animals including dogs and cats are often skinned alive. What I have seen is too horrific for words and beyond my comprehension.
“Now I read, in Canada the baby seal hunt is going to start in less than a month and over 300k will be bludgeoned to death at 3 months of age. It breaks my heart to know how many helpless animals are suffering in this way every second of the day. I can’t get these images and thoughts out of my head and is affecting me terribly.
“How can God let this happen? Why is our world so evil and violent? I don’t want to be in a world like this, but there’s no escape and I feel helpless. I can’t help these animals being tortured and killed in China every day. I can’t save 300k baby seals. I can pray and sign petitions, but it still all feels in vain. I guess I am mainly concerned about animals because they are helpless and have no voice, although the amount of pain inflicted on humans by other humans is horrendous too.
“Why does this all have to happen? Why doesn’t God intervene instead of allowing all this suffering to simply prove a point of some sort or make us learn a lesson? I am to the point where I am angry with God over this. I just don’t understand and I feel so lost. If anyone can help give me peace of mind in some way I would appreciate it. Thanks.”
Dear Holly, thank you for your questions and for letting me post my response in a blog such as this. Many people think and feel the way you do. I used to think and feel this way too. At times my answers here in this blog may seem harsh. I do not mean to offend you or others. I do mean to wake people up and motivate them to make a greater commitment to their own healing process.
We are ALL responsible for the state our world is in. And it will take more than a few people to solve issues as big as these you are mentioning and the many others that plague our world today. There is no way we can get the masses of people to all change without a large base of leaders who we can rely upon to take up the work necessary with integrity, wisdom and courage. Hopefully everyone who reads this will take it as a wake up call from someone who loves life, loves humanity, loves the animals and the planet we live on, and loves all of God’s creation.
(There WAS much more to this blog but it has been removed…
see details below)
Click here to read the comments left by those that read the full blog. You will see that MANY people found a lot of help in the content of my blogs. Unfortunately I had to remove the content of most of my blogs for the reason stated further below.You can continue reading my blogs by joining my relationship healing group, the details of which you can find at http://RelationshipAdviceSite.com By joining my healing group you will get…
The Ultimate Guide to Relationship Healing a four hour Audio Program.
All of my blogs.
MANY hours of additional Audio programs.
Live Tele-Classes given by me where you will have the opportunity to ask your own specific questions.
Access to my coaching via email just like you have seen in my blogs on MySpace.
Why did I Remove my Blog Content from MySpace & gr8Wisdom.com?
I spent more than a year doing free spiritual and relationship counseling on MySpace. If you review the comments on my blogs (which I have left intact for you to review) you can see that I have spent a great deal of time, covered a lot of topics, AND A LOT OF PEOPLE WERE HELPED BY MY ADVICE. I have really enjoyed it and thank all of you who have participated. Many of my friends have touched my heart very deeply. I love you all!
Unfortunately doing it for free has resulted in me not being able to write new blogs or serve as many people as I would like too. Doing it for free has caused me to maintain a fulltime job with not enough time to coach those people who want and need the help I have to offer. By charging for my services I will eventually be able to quit my job and do my spiritual counseling work full time.
My blogs really do contain all you need to know in order to live a healthy and happy life and the live coaching I offer in the healing group fills in the gaps. Please consider joining this group today. http://RelationshipAdviceSite.com
While conversing through comments on The Golden Compass blog with my friend Caryl I came to find out about her situation with her daughter who had cancer. Because the conversation in that blog got off topic and because of a statement that I made regarding how our thoughts are creative spurred the following statement from Caryl I thought I would write this blog to help clarify in greater detail how our thoughts create and how Law of Attraction actually works in relationship to diseases such as cancer. (This blog DID HELP Caryl. She was grateful that I wrote it!)
“One more thing I have heard you repeat, that does somewhat bother me, is that you say (loosely paraphrased here) — our thoughts bring about the experiences, hardships, etc. that come our way. Neither my child nor I thought about disease or anything negative of this type to manifest this experience. It was shocking and far from anything we’d consciously or subconsciously think about. So, I’m hoping you mean that a lot of things can surface from our thinking, rather than all.“
As I began to answer this question it too went somewhat off topic, actually a new topic arose, one which will answer the questions of many people about many issues in their lives. I posted that blog and called it Evolution of a Soul (click here to read it).
A few days after posting that blog Caryl said, “This is a great blog… A lot of answers, to questions I asked of you, are within it… and beyond. Thank you :)”
So go and read that blog! It will give context to the answers I am giving here. Even still I want to answer Caryl’s other questions and an email she sent me a bit more directly and with more specifics regarding disease.
Here is the last email Caryl sent me about this topic along with my comments…
“My Daughter doesn’t exhibit a lot of stress in her life. She is unaware of the new findings, though. There’s nothing that can be done at this point and I wanted to let her get through Christmas and her birthday, worry-free, before we deal with anything we may have to in the near months. Her birthday is January 3rd and she will be 18. She was diagnosed the October before last, at age 16. She was in kidney failure and later developed an intestinal blockage, as well as many other chemo related complications…line infections, allergic reactions, and a whole lot more. We spent 4-1/2 months in the hospital, through all of the holidays last year and her 17th birthday, which she was in the Oncology ICU at the time. She went through 15 surgeries…5 rounds of aggressive chemo…illness, etc. in that short time. But, today, she is much better. She was very close to death upon her initial hospital admission. After her release from treatment, she was admitted again, due to a severe drug withdraw, which almost took her life again…the doctors forgot to wean her off of a drug. So, all in all, I should be elated that she made it through so much, a couple of close calls, and more…and, I was…and her future looked bright, to suddenly be dulled again by a ‘possible’ recurrence. I know I should be happy she’s not in a ‘true’ recurrence…but, I’m stuck, as I’ve said before.
“I understand it’s my own doing, my own thoughts, and it’s of no use to myself or my daughter. I know this…something is keeping me attached to the fear and worry, though…And, I fear I will be the cause of a negative outcome, over a positive one that she stays well. Part of why I questioned your words about our thoughts leading to outcomes we create…One thought leads to another and begins to spiral out of control. I understand this…and, I understand I have the power to control it, however I don’t understand why I’m not”
Your lack of control is a matter of a lack of practice, strong habits that do not serve you, and also a matter of not fully realizing through experience how much power you really do have in the way you think…life still seems to be something that is happening to you and not something that is happening through you. This is simply where you are on your journey though life, not a judgment about where you should be.
(Most of my advice removed for the reasons stated below.)
“I feel I need to get a handle on it all, somewhere, either the root of it, or to just change it…“
Get control over your thoughts and give up trying to control the disease or the disease process…
(Most of my advice removed for the reasons stated below.)
“And, I feel I do change my energy and thinking when I’m around her — although I know my personal thoughts, even when not around her still have an adverse affect on her. These thoughts are strongest when I’m alone. When I’m around her, I notice my thoughts switch to those that are only loving and I feel as if I’m glowing from within and I just stare at her and smile (and she finds it creepy, lol) and during these times my thoughts are about how happy I am she’s alive and how grateful I am that I have each moment I’m in, with her…able to sit next to her, talk to her, love her, and on an on. There’s so much more to each moment in any given day, but just too much to relay here. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s almost as if I bounce from one extreme to another. I’ll find a good balance. I can feel I will. And, I am conscious of how I think, all the time…for me, at least, a step toward improving.
“I read about your previous wife and her cancer. I want to say I’m sorry for your loss, but somehow it doesn’t seem fitting. I also read how you feel a lot of good experiences came into your life, later, which would not have occurred if she was still in your life. That’s another point I’m not at yet. I can’t imagine caring about life beyond my Daughter’s. And, I understand how that is holding on to thoughts or ideas for whatever reasons, not beneficial to myself…and, not wording it well right now.“
I can’t blame you and you should not blame yourself. I found it very difficult to focus on positive things while my wife was suffering with cancer. I also was not as aware of the need to change my thinking as I am now…
(Most of my advice removed for the reasons stated below.)
“I met many parents who resided with their children on the Oncology floor. Many lost their children. I saw how their thoughts changed with each reality they had to cope with…or accept. Many started off fearful, worried, and angry…full of fight to do all they could to save their children…but, as the illnesses took over, many softened, even some began to look as if they were becoming more at peace, with each turn for the worse with their children. It scared me. I felt as if they had lost the fight within themselves and were giving up on hope…accepting what once wasn’t acceptable. At the same time it scared me, it intrigued me and provided a different kind of hope. Although their seemingly different mindsets were appropriate in the times, wanting to let go so the suffering of the children would end, finding peace within their newly found acceptance - and more than just that, I felt they had lost a part of themselves, as if they had each undergone a lobotomy…content and less emotional…uncaring…although, not true.“
You have witnessed the way in which difficult life circumstances changes people for the better. Those people learned how to go with the flow and enjoy their lives.
(Most of my advice removed for the reasons stated below.)
“So, now you can see…which you probably did to begin with…where a lot of my questioning comes from…imaginative fear…and other type thoughts. Letting go…replacing thoughts…and so much more…I understand. I’m just stuck. And, the more I say it and think it and believe it the more it is so. I know this, lol. And, it’s not funny…Just something I have to really work on…
“And, this was all written without hesitation to say something different, or to correct anything, knowing I haven’t addressed all you wrote to me…but, it is long and repetitive in some words, so I’ll end it now. And, I will read again this last message you’ve written and other replies, as well as other blogs you have written, and hopefully you’ll begin to see a positive change real soon. And, my daughter’s health isn’t the only thing in my life, obviously, but I am the sole legal guardian for my Father, who became paralyzed about 3 years ago (he’s in a nursing home now) and when my Daughter become ill I had to give up our home (live with my Aunt now) and my job, income, security and more…and, I’m not that bad off compared to others…I’m very blessed in many ways and I know so…but, just expressing some of my circumstances…even if I sound like a martyr, lol.
“Anyway, I feel you’ve already generously spent so much time responding to me, so I wouldn’t ask for more, other than maybe in the near future, on other blog topics, etc
“Thank you so much, Michael. You’ve been caring, understanding, generous, and encouraging in many ways. I truly appreciate it.
“Much love,
Caryl“
Caryl, you do have a very good grasp on what you have to do, now it is a matter of practice and learning from the experiences you are having. My heart goes out to you as I am sure so many readers hearts too. You and your daughter will be in all of our prayers…
(There WAS much more to this blog but it has been removed…
see details below)
Click here to read the comments left by those that read the full blog. You will see that MANY people found a lot of help in the content of my blogs. Unfortunately I had to remove the content of most of my blogs for the reason stated further below.You can continue reading my blogs by joining my relationship healing group, the details of which you can find at http://RelationshipAdviceSite.com By joining my healing group you will get…
The Ultimate Guide to Relationship Healing a four hour Audio Program.
All of my blogs.
MANY hours of additional Audio programs.
Live Tele-Classes given by me where you will have the opportunity to ask your own specific questions.
Access to my coaching via email just like you have seen in my blogs on MySpace.
Why did I Remove my Blog Content from MySpace & gr8Wisdom.com?
I spent more than a year doing free spiritual and relationship counseling on MySpace. If you review the comments on my blogs (which I have left intact for you to review) you can see that I have spent a great deal of time, covered a lot of topics, AND A LOT OF PEOPLE WERE HELPED BY MY ADVICE. I have really enjoyed it and thank all of you who have participated. Many of my friends have touched my heart very deeply. I love you all!
Unfortunately doing it for free has resulted in me not being able to write new blogs or serve as many people as I would like too. Doing it for free has caused me to maintain a fulltime job with not enough time to coach those people who want and need the help I have to offer. By charging for my services I will eventually be able to quit my job and do my spiritual counseling work full time.
My blogs really do contain all you need to know in order to live a healthy and happy life and the live coaching I offer in the healing group fills in the gaps. Please consider joining this group today. http://RelationshipAdviceSite.com
I have a friend I met on MySpace, one who I have been counseling and for a time had been doing better as a result of trying out the things I had suggested. I recently inquired about her wellbeing and she was again in a depressed state. Life can be tough and sometimes all the road blocks seem to be up when we feel like we are ready to move full steam ahead. I tried to comfort her and then she wrote this to me…
“Michael, I have tried to love my father and my mother too, but I cannot forget as easily as they have. My father began raping me at 8 years of age and he did it nearly every night. What kind of monster does such a thing to his little girl? And my mother chose my father over me and ignored what she knew was happening. Now my father tells me he has repented to God for his dirty deeds; he tells me he is going to heaven and he is forgiven and that I am going to hell because I have not accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior. Like his shit don’t stink and mine does! When I try to talk to my mother she tries to make it better by saying, ‘Oh well I tried to get rid of you, but no, you wanted to live. So that was the life you got.’ Neither of my parents wants to talk to me anymore. What a joke! And you expect me to forgive these people!”
This was the first time I had heard this side of her story. She had other painful experiences, but this really felt bad to read. I know I am the one who is always telling people to focus on what feels good…but there are times you just have to deal with what is. For healing to occur you must focus, at least for a short time on painful experiences like this. No matter how evolved you are, no matter how enlightened you are, reading something like this hurts. I often cry when I get emails from my friends who are suffering. Although I know there is much more going on than meets the eye, this sort of thing really sucks.
So please don’t think I take everything so lightly. You probably won’t see me cry or feel depressed because I won’t allow myself to stay in such a place for very long, but I do take the time to understand what is going on with my friends and loved ones and I do feel the pain like everyone else does…
(This was truly a powerful blog…unfortunately the rest of this blog has been removed…see details below)
Click here to read the comments left by those that read the full blog. You will see that MANY people found a lot of help in the content of my blogs. Unfortunately I had to remove the content of most of my blogs for the reason stated further below.You can continue reading my blogs by joining my relationship healing group, the details of which you can find at http://RelationshipAdviceSite.com By joining my healing group you will get…
The Ultimate Guide to Relationship Healing a four hour Audio Program.
All of my blogs.
MANY hours of additional Audio programs.
Live Tele-Classes given by me where you will have the opportunity to ask your own specific questions.
Access to my coaching via email just like you have seen in my blogs on MySpace.
Why did I Remove my Blog Content from MySpace & gr8Wisdom.com?
I spent more than a year doing free spiritual and relationship counseling on MySpace. If you review the comments on my blogs (which I have left intact for you to review) you can see that I have spent a great deal of time, covered a lot of topics, AND A LOT OF PEOPLE WERE HELPED BY MY ADVICE. I have really enjoyed it and thank all of you who have participated. Many of my friends have touched my heart very deeply. I love you all!
Unfortunately doing it for free has resulted in me not being able to write new blogs or serve as many people as I would like too. Doing it for free has caused me to maintain a fulltime job with not enough time to coach those people who want and need the help I have to offer. By charging for my services I will eventually be able to quit my job and do my spiritual counseling work full time.
My blogs really do contain all you need to know in order to live a healthy and happy life and the live coaching I offer in the healing group fills in the gaps. Please consider joining this group today. http://RelationshipAdviceSite.com
This blog was inspired while I was watching the movie Patch Adams with Robin Williams. There is a scene in the move where his girlfriend is killed because she goes to help a mental patient. The movie was based on a true story, and that particular scene reminded me so much of the real life experiences I have witnessed over and over again with folks who have been abused.
Like attracts like, but as we can see in real life, opposites attract too. Life is always striving to balance Itself out. A perpetrator needs a victim, and a victim needs a perpetrator. Are you a victim? Are you still feeling wounded from the pain you have suffered at the hands of a perpetrator? If so then I caution you to take care, take very good care. Energetically you are still a like magnet, attracting your opposite to you to work out the idea that you are a victim.
I am not saying this to be cruel. I am saying this in hopes that this advice will protect you from further harm…
(There WAS much more to this blog but it has been removed…
see details below)
Click here to read the comments left by those that read the full blog. You will see that MANY people found a lot of help in the content of my blogs. Unfortunately I had to remove the content of most of my blogs for the reason stated further below.You can continue reading my blogs by joining my relationship healing group, the details of which you can find at http://RelationshipAdviceSite.com By joining my healing group you will get…
The Ultimate Guide to Relationship Healing a four hour Audio Program.
All of my blogs.
MANY hours of additional Audio programs.
Live Tele-Classes given by me where you will have the opportunity to ask your own specific questions.
Access to my coaching via email just like you have seen in my blogs on MySpace.
Why did I Remove my Blog Content from MySpace & gr8Wisdom.com?
I spent more than a year doing free spiritual and relationship counseling on MySpace. If you review the comments on my blogs (which I have left intact for you to review) you can see that I have spent a great deal of time, covered a lot of topics, AND A LOT OF PEOPLE WERE HELPED BY MY ADVICE. I have really enjoyed it and thank all of you who have participated. Many of my friends have touched my heart very deeply. I love you all!
Unfortunately doing it for free has resulted in me not being able to write new blogs or serve as many people as I would like too. Doing it for free has caused me to maintain a fulltime job with not enough time to coach those people who want and need the help I have to offer. By charging for my services I will eventually be able to quit my job and do my spiritual counseling work full time.
My blogs really do contain all you need to know in order to live a healthy and happy life and the live coaching I offer in the healing group fills in the gaps. Please consider joining this group today. http://RelationshipAdviceSite.com
"This is nothing like I have ever read. I found it entertaining, educational and at the same time quite emotional.
I found it interesting that Michael is not always shown in a positive light. All his flaws are laid bare so as to
make the reader think how a person could change if they have their mind and soul set upon it.
"There are many
extraordinary incidents and miracles recounted in the book which interested me very much. I found the teachings in
the book quite inspiring and thought provoking and even made me look into my own character and how I could improve
as a human being. It surely had an impact on me, I am sure you would feel it too. I would recommend this book to
anyone who would like to read a good love story as well as those of you who are in search of the meaning of life."
This is a great book for anyone who wishes to learn to be self-sufficient and make their own fuel for diesel cars, trucks, generators, heating and whatever other diesel fuel need you may have.
Did you know that Algae is the #1 crop for producing the highest yield of vegetable oil? Algae can be easily grown in nonfood producing lands such as a desert.
This book is 650 pages long and goes into great detail on the procedures. It starts out simple and then dives in much deeper. Making Algae Biodiesel at Home gives you instructions for…
Making biodiesel from algae oil or waste cooking oil.
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Also after you have pressed the oil out of the Algae you can also ferment the algae to make ethanol (another fuel) and then use the remainder from that process to produce high protein animal feed.
Most of us are very familiar with how much our own families can hurt us. One of my friends wrote to me with her concerns…
I received this as a comment in my post 
I have a friend I met on MySpace, one who I have been counseling and for a time had been doing better as a result of trying out the things I had suggested. I recently inquired about her wellbeing and she was again in a depressed state. Life can be tough and sometimes all the road blocks seem to be up when we feel like we are ready to move full steam ahead. I tried to comfort her and then she wrote this to me… 
This blog was inspired while I was watching the movie Patch Adams with Robin Williams. There is a scene in the move where his girlfriend is killed because she goes to help a mental patient. The movie was based on a true story, and that particular scene reminded me so much of the real life experiences I have witnessed over and over again with folks who have been abused.
