Unforgettable Love Story

A friend wrote me with his story and asked…

Light and Sound Soul (has some music you might enjoy depending on your age and taste!)

“I have 2 kids of my own, ages 1 and 3, and I also watch my brothers kids who are 4 and 5. All 4 are girls. Usually my one year old wakes me up around 9:00 am. Then the other 3 usually wake up by 10:00, but not today, the one year old woke me up around 9:00 like usual, but I noticed her sister was gone. When I went in the living room I found that other three older girls had been awake for a while and already destroyed the living room, kitchen, and their bedroom. Seriously it was a disaster.

“Now, usually my brother and his girlfriend tell me that I am too nice to them. Usually that’s true…I let them get away with a lot, I hate punishing them. But today I flipped out and there was a lot of spankings and yelling. Inside I just felt completely powerless, and I wished that there was some kinda magic or something that would just make them be good.

“Please Michael, aid me with some of your Wonderful Advice. – Joshua”

Hi Joshua,

Oh this is quite a dilemma you have presented. Was there any guilt for flipping out and losing control…for spanking these girls and yelling? That would be what I would have felt.

First of all I want to admit that up to the age of fifty I have only been a step father to two boys for three years and had just a little bit of experience with other children over these years. Also I will admit that during those times I was a bit on the lenient side until the stress got to me then I would lose it. And a Scorpio losing it is not a pretty sight…or perhaps I should say a frightening sight. I will admit that I have overdone it and lost control, but I also never did anything that would warrant child protection services getting involved. However for myself guilt was there and I knew I was out of line. I have made great progress in reprogramming myself and overcoming my anger but still, without children in my daily life it has been a long time since I have been put to the test.

If you want some sort of magic that will make children behave I think you are out of luck. This is a very fluid situation, all children are different. We ALL have free will and that goes for children too. Also children are really souls just like you in a younger body than you. But who is really more mature, you or the child? That would depend on the number of lifetimes each of you have had, how much you each have learned, how deeply you each decided to go into the darkness, and how far you have come back into the light. So keep this perspective in mind when dealing with children.

The best thing you can do with children is to set a good example. The best chance you have of making the optimum choice with the child you are dealing with is for you to be awake and aware and in touch with your inner guidance. This will not happen when you are flipping out and have lost it.

There really are two issues here…yourself and how quickly you are able to calm yourself down when under stressful situations like this one you have described, and how you train your children and other children you are in charge of.

So most of my blogs focus on the first issue, calming yourself down and becoming clear and aware as quickly as possible. The reason I believe that is so important is that this is where YOU have the most control. If you are calm and peaceful, then you will be able to tap into a higher guidance and you will be able to act from a conscious choice instead of a pre-programmed habitual reaction that you learned from some dysfunctional situation earlier in your eternal life.

Also by dealing with your own reaction to what occurs in your outer world you have the chance to reprogram yourself so that your habits that come out under stress are habits that serve you instead of habits that cause you guilt and grief. We all encounter stress that gets the better of us and we all respond in a habitual way. This is why I constantly refer people to my Reprogramming Yourself and Tag Your Thoughts blogs.

As for the issue of how to train your children, clearly I am no expert in that area of life. Surely there are many good books on the topic but I have NOT read them. One of the best real life situations I ever observed was an ex-girlfriend (this was many years ago) who would sit down and cry when she lost control of her willful Scorpio daughter. I wanted to tell her to take a stronger position and find some way to force or manipulate that little brat into submission. However, I witnessed how wonderfully my girlfriend’s approach actually did work. It turned out that this brat was not such a brat after all, but a very advanced soul who noticed the pain she was causing her mother. She was motivated to change on her own because she loved her mother and did not want to cause her mother such pain. Somehow this approach worked for these two souls.

Find some good books on parenting and read them. I do suggest that you read more than one and you should look for books that have differing approaches. Imagine applying the various ideas to your daughters or any other children you are in charge of. FEEL how it feels as you imagine applying these ideas. FEEL how it feels when you actually do apply these ideas in real life. Pay attention to how each child responds. Think, feel and observe the results. Act consciously. Act lovingly. Make the best possible outcome your objective instead of some physical standard of “proper behavior” or expected obedience.

If there is any magic to be found, this is it…wish for the children you are in charge of love, happiness, and awareness. In your heart love them.

Do you spank them or do you not spank them? Perhaps there will be a situation where spanking is what works, where that is the most loving thing to do. I AM NOT THE ONE TO SAY NOR THE ONE TO JUDGE. If you do spank, do your best to only do so when you are conscious and aware, and not when you are reacting. I don’t believe your aim should be to hurt them, but to get their attention. Most children will notice and will desire to please the adults they love. You will know if you feel your way through this issue and observe the results you get.

I would love to get input from my many wise and wonderful friends…book recommendations?

Love and Blessings,
Michael Skowronski
Author of Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story

Popularity: 4% [?]

I had a friend ask me these questions…

“Do you have any teachings about polygamy? Do you believe it is wrong/sinful to love more than one person at a time while in a committed relationship?”

Is it wrong? There is no such thing as an absolute wrong or right. It depends upon you and your situation and what you want to learn about life and yourself. It depends upon your situation and the people you are involved with and what their desires are and how honest you are being with them. I always tell people to feel their way through right and wrong…good feels good…bad feels bad. I wrote an extensive blog on this topic called What is Right or Wrong? Your Feelings are Your Guide! and speak of this in many of my blogs.

Regarding polygamy or having multiple lovers at the same time…Loving multiple people means you never get too close to any of them. This is because life is TOO FULL…we are all too busy, love, real LOVE takes time. Unless you are independently wealthy, or for some reason you don’t have to work for a living, and you have heaps of free time on your hands, sustaining this sort of thing can be very draining. Great sex, heaps of fun, is quite possible with multiple lovers…also you will have to deal with jealousy and people who grew up in a culture where this sort of thing is taboo and even illegal and all the guilt issues that go along with it.

However you will find a couple of things if you remain open and become aware…what you seek outside of yourself, from other people, you have no control of…but if you look for it inside, it is all there and way beyond what another person can ever offer to you.

Is it sinful??? If you consider the definition of sin to be an error or a mistake…if you consider what your truest desire really is…then one day you will see that it is a mistake. But are your desires a mistake? NO…they MUST be fulfilled so that you can understand this world you live in, so you can understand this life you live, so that you can understand how to satisfy your deepest and truest desires.

Do what feels good. When it stops feeling good, do something else. Be aware. Be loving. LET GO OF ALL JUDGEMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did I emphasize that enough? JUDGMENT is the BIGGEST SIN of all!

“I’ve been thinking about what you wrote and trying to analyze what you said about sin, mistakes and desires. All my life I have been taught that certain things are sin such as the 10 commandments; thou shall not kill, thou shall not lie etc. However, if you are telling me that one should do what feels good to them, then where do you draw the line of what “sin” is. It can’t be acceptable to kill or hurt people in this life just because it “might feel good” to someone who chooses to do that. So could you please clarify what sin is. I understand that we all have desires and that we all make mistakes, but how does sin fit in our world and how does it change us if it is ok to do anything that feels right. I’m just trying to understand. If you could please clarify, I would appreciate it.”

This is a common misunderstand people have when it comes to their feelings. Killing another person does not feel good. It might seem to you like another person enjoys it, but they do not. They harbor extreme guilt for what they have done, for as long as they remember they have done it.

Harming another person might feel good for a moment, a moment when the one doing the harm has been feeling really miserable due to some sort of stress. If they lash out and do some sort of harm to another there is a moment of release which can and does feel good. But that is only in comparison to how bad they had been feeling. Soon afterwards, their actions feel bad, really horribly bad. If they have any awareness they will notice this. If they are not aware, if they stuff their feelings, they are stuffing illness into their body to come out at some future time. They may even notice that they feel bad soon after the release of energy is finished, but they don’t relate it to what they had done. They just feel bad on a regular basis and consider it normal. Many people are hiding their shame; they try to justify their actions. This is why it seems to you that others can derive pleasure from harming others. But over all they don’t enjoy it, they suffer because of it.

“Another thing as far as sin is concerned. I am a parent of three strong willed kids and constantly am redirecting/teaching wrong choices that they make every day. (Judgement) So what is our role as parents in helping them live their life to the fullest? Kids need direction and guidance, but where do you draw the line with them if they have the right to make “bad” choices and learn from them?”

How can you teach your kids when you do not even understand? This is a very big problem that too many people have. You must become aware and educate yourself first before you can teach another. Certainly most people know how to survive and get by…but we all can do much better than just surviving. We can all learn to thrive and to be joyfully alive. Learn this skill so that you can teach it to your children and to anyone else who suffers in life.

Teach your children what I have been teaching you. Teach them to be in touch with their feelings all of the time and to only do things that feel good. Teach them to be loving and harmless in all of their thoughts, words and deeds. Don’t teach them that it is a sin to harm others, teach them that to harm others will make them feel bad. Teach them to pay attention and soon they will notice this correlation themselves and they will understand how to make good choices for the rest of their lives.

Love and Blessings,
Michael Skowronski
Author of Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story

Popularity: 4% [?]