Unforgettable Love Story

This is the last part of the series entitled Reprogramming Yourself. Its second installment is Reprogramming Anger.

Recently (November 2006) I have been getting very angry at the dangerous Indian drivers. We just purchased a car two months ago and with our business workings I have been driving in India much more often and much further. I have ideas of what a safe and considerate driver should be based on my experiences in America and Australia. Indians are not like that. In some ways I like the freedom from over-regulation that Indians enjoy, but too many drivers drive very dangerously or without consideration of anyone else on the road. Coming only inches from being hit by a driver who is traveling in the opposite direction at very high speeds are common occurrences. Having someone cut a turn right in front of you with no time to stop is a common occurrence. People walking in the street, with no regard for their own safety, animals, large rocks and other objects, large potholes, all add to the stress.

Just one example of how this came to a head for me and made me begin to deal with it happened in early November of 2006. I was driving home from Kottayam (a 3 hour drive). I had three different drivers get in my way for no reason while I was trying to pass them. They were going slower than I wanted to go; I drive a safe but brisk speed. I had signaled with my horn as usual. And they responded by moving into the middle of the road preventing me from passing them. They had no apparent reason for doing this. There were no blockages on their side of the road. It was not a curve. There were no oncoming vehicles. What I was trying to do was usual and expected driving behavior there in India. I believed they were blocking me on purpose and I got quite angry. I began accumulating these offenses and thinking about pulling one of them over, yanking them out of their cars, and beating them in the street. I spent a fair amount of time thinking these kinds of thoughts, never really intending to do so. Also I was accumulating judgment about all of the other oncoming busses, trucks and even cars that were driving in my lane when there was plenty of room in their own lane. The anger in me built up.

Then it happened… I was passing a bus in a very safe manor on wide open road. I had nearly gotten past the bus when I heard it lightly hit the left rear bumper of my car. I went into a mad rage. If I had thought about it I would have known he did no damage to my car. He did not affect my course of driving at all. But all of that built up emotion enraged me. Somehow I grabbed the parking brake lever and pulled it up. I never use that, except for parking and starting out on a hill. I don’t know why I pulled on it. That type of break locks into place. You have to push a button to release it. Because of the speed we were driving and not really understanding what I had just done I did not have the presence of mind to release the break. This caused me to spin my car and land on the side of the road in tall grass and weeds up against a hillside.

I got out of the car in a furious rage. I went to the bus driver’s window, climbed up, reached in and smacked him in the face. I didn’t slap him very hard, but it was insulting. Then I broke one of his windshield wipers off and threw it in the street. He got off the bus and I threatened to beat him. About twenty other men got off the bus and they were all threatening to beat me. I am sure they did not even know that the bus driver hit me. All they knew was that I spun my car and then smacked the driver for it and then continued to abuse him verbally. It was really crazy. Eventually my wife Shyni got me to calm down and we left. Thank God there was no real damage to our car or to us.

I had already been doing work to get over my anger at all of the people and cows who hang out in the road, and especially those who don’t move even when honking the horn right next to them. I had done pretty well with keeping myself calm with them. I had been telling myself that, “Everyone has a right to use the road. These people are God too.” And other things like that. It was working.

But it seemed that I just could not get over my judgment of the other drivers whose actions were dangerous and un-courteous. Well I wasn’t trying either. I felt justified in my mind that their actions were wrong and that my ideas about driving were right. Until this event occurred. After that I realized that God was prodding me through that bus driver and all of the other drivers too. It became very clear because the bus driver really did nothing to me, nor did the other drivers. But my judgmental thinking made me slap a man, which hasn’t happened to me in over 20 years. My anger nearly killed Shyni and me when I spun our car. And even after we were safely stopped, with no real harm to us or the vehicle, my anger nearly got me beaten by a mob of angry men from the bus.

In my life I have learned, more than once, and in more than one way, that if I expect the world to change, or even any single person or event to change, because I did not like it or because “I was right and they were wrong” that I would make myself miserable. And unless I catch each thought of judgment and criticism and change them, then those thoughts would slowly build up and eventually flare up in anger at some specific person or event that probably did not even deserve the anger that was heaped upon them.

It is a big job, but we must watch each and every thought and change the ones that do not serve us. Even if it is possible to evoke a change in the outer world, we must still let go of the judgment and go about changing it from a place of love and the sincere desire to be of help. I so wish I could change Indian drivers, but I cannot. There are millions of them. If I change one, or even fifty, still there will come another and another until I have wasted all of my energy, and still they will keep coming. We must use logic and reason to convince our minds to let go of its judgment, hatred and anger. We must come to recognize where our true safety lies and that is in God. There are no random events. Nothing happens in our reality that we have not earned or created with our energy.

So now when something I don’t like happens on the road my practice is to remind myself, “Nothing really happened, I made it safely. God is watching out for me. Dear God, bless them with awareness of how it is they are driving and how dangerous it is. Help them to learn to drive safely.” When I catch myself moving into judgment I remind myself about what happened and what could have happened. I remind myself of the power of my mind and stop my mind from creating violent revengeful thoughts.

The Miracle - This worked and very powerfully so…I made at least ten more long distance drives like that in India since that incident. Each time I was able to maintain this practice. Each time I kept my peace of mind. Before starting on a long journey I even paused in the driver’s seat long enough to set my mind clearly on the thought process I wanted. I prayed for all the drivers on the road to drive safely while in my presence. I prayed for them to be aware and courteous. I reminded myself that I no longer needed to police them, not even in my mind; I gave that up to God.

It was a miracle! That is exactly how my drives have been since that time. I am sure those same crappy drivers are still on the road doing their same stupid things, but not while I was around. The real world changed as a result of changing my mind. This change persisted in every single drive I made since that time, which was many. The difference in driving experiences was so remarkable that every family member who has driven with me has noticed. Certainly they noticed how much calmer I was, but more than that they noticed that the outer world changed too.

Making that change had a ripple effect in my psyche. I now calm down much quicker in other situations where anger is rising in me even if I feel justified in my perspective on a situation. We shall see what else Life has to reveal to me and in what other ways anger might try to find expression in my life, but for now I know a dramatic change has taken place within me and it is a welcome one.

One by one, piece by piece, we whittle away at our unwanted personality traits and develop new ones that serve us in ever more powerful ways.

Love and Blessings,
Michael Skowronski

P.S. That is not the only time the outer world changed as a result of my inner change. I will admit that was one of the more dramatic ones. I tell many more stories like it in my book Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story. These type of coincidences are (nearly) a daily experience for me. They probably do occur daily, but I still have further to go at being aware enough to notice them all.

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This is the continuation of Reprogramming Yourself

This is an incident that happened to me in November of 2006. Being a teacher of spiritual growth it is doubly embarrassing to my ego when such dysfunctional programming surfaces in my personality. This is extra incentive to me to make necessary changes and as quickly as possible. Anger has been an issue for me all of my life. Even though I have worked on it for many years and have gotten past so much of it, I still find it haunts me. This incident marked a huge change in my automatic reactions and my understanding of how life responds to our thoughts.

It occurred in India, where I live part time. India has pushed me in ways I thought I would never be pushed and brought out a lot of judgment and anger that I thought I was over. The following is an edited version of a letter I wrote to a fellow researcher of truth who was suffering from anger…

Anger, like any emotion, begins in the mind. The actual occurrence of an angry outburst may seem to begin when something happens, but in reality it begins much sooner. Stresses, other emotions like frustration, not getting something that you want, will cause a person to become stressed such that one wrong situation results in an expression of anger. This gradual build up can be stopped by dealing with the weaker emotions that add up to make the anger happen. This requires that you pay more attention to ALL of your emotions and understand where they are coming from and to change your thinking along the way.

The way that you react to life, such as being angry, comes from past programming. Your karma, your personality, your subconscious, past programming are all ways of saying virtually the same thing. It is the result of responding to life in a certain way, repeatedly, until it becomes automatic. Hypnotherapy can help you find the root cause, but still the programming will be there. The solution is to reprogram yourself.

To reprogram yourself requires awareness. You need to pay special attention to those situations that make you angry. You need to recognize when you are not feeling good and strive to make yourself feel good through proper mental exercises. Contemplation and meditation are essential to this practice. Daily you must review your thinking, words and actions of the day and decide if they are serving you or disturbing you. Then you must deliberately program your mind to take a different course of thinking when similar events occur or begin to occur.

Continued in Road Rage…

Love and Blessings,
Michael Skowronski
Author of Unforgettable - A Love and Spiritual Growth Story

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Being able to reprogram ourselves is a very important skill to have. If you can reprogram yourself then you can choose who you want to be and set out to make it so. It is particularly useful when you discover some automatic behavior; either a thought or action, that is causing you to suffer.

Later I will share a fantastic story of deliberate and difficult inner change that I underwent which had a dramatic and noticeable effect in the outer world. It looks very much like a miracle. But first let’s talk about the basics.

Old behaviors, ones that go way back, too many people think they cannot change them. This is just not so! How is it that you came to have the programming that you have? Unfortunately most people don’t know, and worse they blame it on outside circumstances.

Be Selective About Your Entertainment

Certainly the outside world has done its share to program you. News, movies, magazines, books, advertising, other people have had a very strong influence on your life. This is one of the reasons it is so very important to be selective about what and who you give your focus to, especially early in your reprogramming efforts. You need to ask yourself, “When I focus on this TV program, when I listen to this person speak, do I feel good? Do I feel empowered, light hearted, happy, loving?” If not I suggest you turn your focus towards something that does feel good, which in effect will turn you away from them, at least until you have successfully reprogrammed your mind.

Repetition and is the key to reprogramming. If you study hypnosis, or marketing which involves hypnosis, you will find that repetition is a key element behind their success. It takes time and deliberate conscious effort to reprogram yourself. But the results are worth the effort.

Any skill we wish to develop requires repetition, or practice, for it to become a habit or automatic. The first few times you rode a bike you fell down frequently, but if you continued riding, falling down became such a rare thing that years could go by between falls.

I learned to roller-skate on the old fashioned 4 wheel skates. I had an aggressive style and skating technique, which relied heavily on stopping via the toe stops. When I changed to rollerblades I automatically tried to stop on the non-existent toe stops and fell on my face, twice. After that I decided I had to reprogram my body so that it would respond correctly to this new toy. Even though I could skate aggressively, and with style, I had to slow myself down and teach my body a new way of stopping. It took patience but within about 4 weeks time I was skating like crazy as if I had been on rollerblades for years and I wasn’t falling.

Changing our psyche is a very similar process. Here are some of the key steps or elements involved:

* Slow Down. While the changes are in progress we need to slow down and change our expectations of life and of ourselves. We will make mistakes, love yourself anyway. You need to be okay with mistakes that have already been made, but then be firm and stick with your reprogramming efforts.

*Feel Your Feelings. We need to check in frequently to make sure we are still on track. Something that felt good at one time may not feel good at another time. We need to feel, and notice when something does not feel good and then notice our focus, notice our thoughts. What are we thinking, what are we feeling, how do they relate? Where is our focus? We need to notice what our automatic reaction is and become aware of the programming that is to be changed.

*Meditation and Contemplation. Is meditation a habit for you? It really is necessary in some form or another. Is it a joy for you? It can be and will be if you are doing it correctly. It should be as important in your day as eating, sleeping, bathing and exercising (if you are leaving one of those items out put it back in!) You need to be so skilled at meditation that you can sit down in a moment of deep suffering and bring yourself back into balance, back to peace. This requires practice, repetitive, ongoing, daily practice. If you say you don’t have time for meditation then what you are really saying is that you don’t have time to have a good life.

*Visualizations. We need to visualize the way we want to be and the way we want life to be. We need to script our response to life for specific situations that come up and tie it to the triggering events. I give an example of doing this in the story below. This takes only 30 seconds to 2 minutes to do but should be repeated as often as you can until the change registers in your response. Your scripted response should be loving, it should feel good to contemplate it.

*Stop Negative Thinking. During your visualization time, if negative thoughts occur stop them and counter them. You need to become skilled at finding new ways to view the situation such that you feel better about it and can respond from a loving place. Practicing this when you feel good will make it easier to do when you feel bad.

*RESULTS. When you get results, you need to remember them, re-live them, use them to re-inspire yourself in the future when you are feeling blue and when you feel like you are not making any progress.

Continued in Reprogramming Anger…

Love and Blessings,
Michael Skowronski
Author of Unforgettable - A Love and Spiritual Growth Story

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This is the last part of the Kidnapping and the Wedding story. This was continued from…

That evening, after dinner, I went outside to enjoy the evening air and get some work done. Everyone else was getting ready for bed. Then Shyni came out and asked me, “Are you ready to come in for sleep?”

“No, I am not tired yet. I’ll just stay out here and get some writing done. You go on and go to bed, I’ll come in later.”

Then Shyni got nervous. I could tell she did not know what to say. “You should come in to bed now,” was all that she could say. I decided not to object and just go with the flow. She took me into the bedroom and then told me, “My mother kicked me out of her bed.”

Not understanding I replied, “What? But I thought that we couldn’t sleep together until the temple marriage.”

“My mother told me that now I am a married woman and I should sleep with my husband.” Shyni was very nervous now. Her voice went really low. I could barely hear her. “Michael, I hope that you won’t be upset, but I don’t want to have sex until after the temple marriage. I can sleep on the floor if you like and you can have the bed.”

“No, of course not! I won’t let you sleep on the floor. I can share your bed without having sex.” I could not believe my luck. I was happy to get closer to Shyni even if I had to hold back and wait. Besides, having sex with my virgin wife in a tiny family home, with the rest of her family sleeping an ear’s shot away did not seem right to me either. And it would not be the first time I had slept with a woman and not had sex, not by a long shot. I knew I could control myself.

It was a single bed and neither of us got much slept that first night. We talked a little about our lives. I held Shyni in my arms most of the night. I kissed the back of her head affectionately many times. I kept my hands from wandering that first night, but it was is impossible to lie in such a tiny bed without feeling her firm young breasts pressing against the backs of my hands. I laid there drinking it all in and it felt wonderful. Over the next few nights Shyni allowed me to caress her body more, but she made it clear I was not to get carried away. She allowed me to kiss her on the cheeks and lips, but would not return the kisses. When I asked her why, she said that had to wait until after the temple marriage.

This arrangement gave us time to get to know each other slowly. In bed Shyni was very cuddly and even affectionate with me; in public she kept her distance. Thus my final fears were alleviated. It was both difficult and wonderful to sleep with Shyni; she remained a virgin until we were on our honeymoon.

I lived with Shyni’s family, in a small and simple Indian home with dirt floors. The actual bedroom we slept in is shown in the pictures in the previous chapter. They had no running water, only a well. At this time of the year the well water was nearly dry. The water was only suitable for certain cleaning tasks and flushing the toilet. For cooking and bathing water Shyni and her mother carried many four gallon vessels of water about half a kilometer on their heads.

Shyni boiled water for my bath every day. She set up the outdoor bathroom with my bathing products and cleaned up after me. When I came out she had chosen my clothes and set them neatly on the bed for me to change into. She washed all of my clothes. Along with her mother, Shyni prepared all of my meals, served them to me, and cleaned up afterwards. The food they made was fantastic, but if I did not like something I was able to tell her. She did not take offense, she did not complain, she did not even hold negative thoughts about my comments. If she had, I would have felt it. The next time she fed me she had taken into account anything I had told her about my likes and dislikes. With my late wife Kathryn, after my second or third “constructive criticism” of her meals, she told me, “From now on you can be the cook.”

I was not used to the kind of treatment Shyni was giving me; I was being treated like a king. All of her life Shyni dreamed of being married and being a housewife. Many times she told me that her greatest wish was to be the very best wife she could be. She was very happy to do these things for me. It showed in the way she did them. I felt loved and pampered.

Every morning I would take a walk alone into the forest of the wild animal preserve. I would climb to the top of the small hill for my morning meditation. I took my camera with me the first few times hoping I would find Elephants or Tigers or other interesting wildlife to photograph. One morning I had gotten tired of carrying the camera and was about to leave it behind when I felt the intuition to take the camera with me. That is the morning I met the Elephants. That story is in my blog The Elephants of India.

Shyni was very playful too and loved to joke around. We were counting down the days before our marriage. When we woke up I would tell her, “Only X more sleeps before the wedding.” One morning she corrected me, and told me it’s Saturday not Sunday. I was confused. How could I get it wrong? I’ve been counting down the days. But I accepted her correction…until later that day when I was out buying a chicken for the evening meal. I did not have correct change and the man told me, “Okay, you come back Monday to pay.”

To which I replied, “Monday, I can come back tomorrow.”

And he replied, “Tomorrow is Monday.”

I wasn’t sure he understood English very well. Most of them didn’t. I said, “No today is Saturday,” and I picked up the newspaper that was on his table to show him and it said Sunday. “Arrggg! Shyni, you got me!” I cried out loud. The shopkeeper just looked at me and laughed. Shyni too had a good laugh when I returned home and let her know I had figured it out.

The night before our wedding I had to sleep at the home-stay. If I knew then what I know now I would have selected a different place to stay, but Shyni did not tell me about the abduction and that Sandhya was involved so I packed up a bag and checked into my room. I returned to Shyni’s family home for dinner. By that time many friends and relatives had arrived and were either coming or going. One of them had painted Shyni’s hands with henna. My first reaction was that I wanted to object, but I kept it in. I never really liked that sort of thing, but it was a beautiful work of art, and I did not want to put a damper on the evening, so I let it go.

I took some photographs of Shyni’s hands painted with henna. One of them is on the cover of my book, Unforgettable. More than a year later, when I gave the cover design artist the photos of Shyni’s hennaed hands, I had no idea if she would use them or not. But the resulting book cover was perfect with those hands on them because it fits perfectly with events in the story. When I showed Shyni the book’s cover art she told me, “Many years ago a psychic man told me that my hands would be famous all over the world one day. I did not believe him, I thought he was crazy. Now I know it will be true.”

The next day Shyam and some of his male relatives came over to my room and dressed me for the wedding. Yes, except for my underwear, they actually dressed me. That is the Hindu tradition. They also brought a photographer who took heaps of photos. They came so early in the morning that there were still a few hours to go before I had to leave for the wedding, so they returned to the family home and I got undressed and went back to sleep. I hadn’t slept much that night and was now very sleepy. When I awoke I had to dress myself for the wedding.

The temple marriage ceremony was a fantastic experience and very different than a western style marriage. About sixty people attended the ceremony and two hundred people showed up for the wedding banquet. Most of these people were Shyni’s relatives. One couple, a British woman and an Egyptian man, who owned a local hotel came as well as one other European who I had met came to the ceremony. Shyni has a very large family.

A few days after the accident and the abduction I ended up having to purchase the motorbike from Mohammad otherwise there would have been trouble… in the end there was much more trouble, but that happens later in the story. Shyni warned me not to trust Mohammad. I should have heeded her warning.

Continue reading the next chapter – The Honeymoon and the Truth about Eju.

Love and Blessings,
Michael Skowronski
Author of Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story

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This is the second part of The Kidnapping and The Wedding story

A few hours later Shyni’s brother Shyam and his friend Chellopan were walking into Kumily town. Mohammad came upon them in an auto-rickshaw, stopped them and told them to get in. They refused but said they would walk to the Sandhya’s home-stay. Once Shyam and Chellopan arrived they were asked to go upstairs to a vacant room for a talk. They were told guests were coming and they did not want to be disturbed. Reluctantly Shyam and Chellopan agreed, so they could keep these marriage matters private.

Once upstairs and inside of the room it was locked and Mohammad and Sandhya interrogated them for four hours. Of course Shyam and Chellopan objected, but Mohammad was a large man and they were both afraid of him. The questions were more about the marriage than the motorbike. Mohammad asked insulting things like, “Are you a salesman selling your sister?”

Shyam’s reply was, “They have already married, so there is nothing you can do about it.”

Then Sandhya told Shyam, “Your sister has used this very room to have sex with many men.” But when Shyam inquired about when this had occurred, the dates he was given was the same time that Shyni had been working in Delhi. Interestingly enough there were a couple of times where Mohammad sat next to Sandhya and instinctively placed his hand on her lap, and then realized what he was doing and removed it. They seemed to display an intimacy that should not have been there, especially in India. Shyam felt quite convinced that they were having an affair.

Mohammad twisted Shyam’s wrist behind his back and tried to make him tell more, but Shyam refused. Mohammad also picked up a chair and threatened to beat Shyam, but never followed through. Shyam was in tears a few times, but he gave out very little information.

Shyni told me nothing of this incident until at two years later. Actually it was abduction rather than a kidnapping since they never asked for a ransom. But kidnapping was the term Shyni used when she finally told me about it more than a year later so I have always referred to it that way. Both Shyam and Chellopan were released without any real physical harm being done to them. But their pride was hurt and they were scared. Shyam went to stay with friends in Kottayam for a few days until he got over it.

Continue Reading - The Couple Reunite

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This is Part 3 of a story that began with these first two chapters (and a side story):

Part 1 - A Marriage Made in Heaven (Part I, Part II)

Part 2 - The Suicide and the Accident

A Side Story - The Elephants of India

Photos of our Hindu Wedding Ceremony.

After what Shyni’s family referred to as our “First Marriage” I returned back to my home-stay room in Kumily alone. I was hoping that I would not run into
Mohammad, the young man who rented me the motor bike, nor Madhu or Sandhya, the owners of the home-stay. I returned to my room only to change my clothes and take a bucket bath before going out to dinner and hoped I could at least get through dinner before there was a question about the whereabouts of the motorbike.

Showers are not common in India, and when you do find one, they usually don’t work very well, which was the case in my room. Hot water was also not common amongst the native people, as they could not afford the electricity, gas or firewood required to heat the water. Nor did they have the hot water heaters that they called geysers, except in hotel rooms and home-stays that were meant for foreign tourists. It was chilly in the morning and evening, which meant that I needed hot water, and plenty of it. The geyser did not provide quite enough for my needs so I would fill up the bucket with hot water, wait 10 minutes for the geyser to reheat some more, and then begin my bath.

Being an American I had never in my life taken a bucket bath before I came to India. The concept was foreign to me. It was not too difficult to figure out, but still I had never even considered it before my arrival on these foreign shores. You have your large bucket which you fill with water at the desired temperature and a one liter mug which you use to scoop water out and pour over yourself.

I was able to make it through my dinner and back to my room without running into Mohammad. This was actually unusual since he was a “guide” in Kumily and was often seen in the various places I would go including the restaurants. I did not run into Madhu or Sandhya that evening either. It was almost as if Sandhya was avoiding me ever since I announced that I was going to marry Shyni, because in that week of time, she stopped coming by my room to talk. Of course I was hardly ever at my room like I had been in the prior weeks. So I just figured that was the reason.

The next day however was a different story. Mohammad came to my room and asked me where his motorbike was. He had noticed it was not parked outside. He also told me that I had been seen in Peremade, one of his friends had informed him. Mohammad wanted to know what I was doing there. I told him it was none of his business and proceeded to give him a lecture about spying on us a week earlier when Shyni and I was first introduced. But Mohammad would not be distracted by my lecture, he again inquired about the bike and he insisted that I tell him where it was.

I lied to him and saying, “You don’t have to worry about your motorbike Mohammad. I am taking good care of it. It was too cold last night to ride it home so I left it at Shyni’s house and I took a rickshaw back.”

“I went to Shyni’s house just before. My bike is not there. There is going to be trouble. Now you better tell me what happened. I will bring the police here!” Mohammad’s tone turned angry and determined. Again I was surprised at how much he already knew.

“Alright, I had a small accident and the bike is in the shop being repaired. Don’t worry, I will pay for everything.”

“That is my motorbike. You must tell me where it is. I need to file insurance claims.”

“I told you not to worry; I will cover all of the repair costs. It is not that much. The insurance company does not even have to know about the accident.” I was determined to give Mohammad as little information as possible.

“Now you stop playing with me. You must tell me where it is. Did you get hurt? Was there anyone else on the bike with you? Did anyone get hurt?”

“No one got hurt. I was alone.”

“If you don’t tell me where it is I am going to bring the police here…Do you want that?”

“If you bring the police I will tell them how you were spying on our conversation the other evening…Do you want that?”

“You better get that bike back here by this afternoon or there will be trouble.” With that Mohammad walked away in a huff.

I wasn’t sure what to do. I did not think that Shyni would be back home yet, but I went there anyway to see. She was not there. Only her mother Chechi and nephew Eju were there. I could not understand them, nor could they understand me. So I was still left to figure this one out on my own.

I had work to do, so I returned to my room to resume my writing. Mohammed came by and confronted me two other times that same day. Each time I refused to tell him more than I already had. He was not happy.

The next morning I went to Shyni’s home and she was there. We talked about her brother-in-law Gopal who was fine except for some stitches and a swollen knee. Shyni told me the motorbike was in Kottayam, three hours away, being repaired by Gopal’s brother. It was only going to cost Rs. 3000 (Indian Rupees), which is about $75. I could hardly believe the cost would be so low. I figured the metal on the new parts alone would cost that much. In reality it turned out to cost only Rs. 600 more than that.

We talked about what to do about Mohammad, what would we tell him about his bike? Shyni told me to say nothing more than I had to. Then Shyni asked me, “Would you like to stay here instead of the home-stay?

I could not believe it. I replied, “Yes, that would be great. And it would save me some money too!”

“My family has discussed this and you can sleep in the room next to the kitchen and I will sleep with my mother in the main room. We cannot sleep together until our temple marriage.”

That was fine with me. At least I would be closer to Shyni and save money at the same time. And with the dramas with Mohammad, it was also more comforting to be at the family home. So I went straight back to the home-stay to collect my belongings and check out. Fortunately I missed Mohammad, but Sandhya gave me a lecture about hiding Mohammad’s bike from him.

Continue reading - The Kidnapping

Love and Blessings,

Michael Skowronski

Author of Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story

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This side story is a part of the Marriage Made in Heaven (Part I and Part II) and The Suicide and the Accident stories.

This experience occurred on Friday March 4th 2005, only 4 days after I married and moved in with my new wife Shyni who I had only met for the first time 12 days earlier. It occurred in village of Kumily in the state of Kerala South India.

As I was leaving for my morning walk into the forest my inner voice intuitively told me to take my camera with me, that I would see elephants. The only resistance I had was that I had never seen any thing other than wild monkeys and deer and that I had all of the scenic nature pictures of the landscapes that I needed, I did not want to carry unnecessary equipment. But the message was very clear, so I went back into the house and got it.

On my way up the mountain I ran into two native Indian guides showing a Scottish man around. I always cringed when a native saw me in the forest because I know I would be getting a lecture about the safety of trekking in the jungle alone. This is the Periyar Tiger Reserve. Not only are there wild tigers, but there are also wild monkeys, cobra snakes, and elephants which have been known to kill people, even tourists. It is dangerous and it is illegal to trek alone without an official guide, so it was possible I could have been given a fine as well, or even been taken to jail. In reality they were actually locals giving illegal guided tours of the forest to visiting tourists, but I did not know that at the time. I thought they were official guides. The guides signaled me to come to them.

When I got there I received the expected lecture and then they pointed out some rustling in the trees and told me it was elephants. A few times I could see a bit of grey, or even a trunk, through the trees, but I never got a good view of the elephants. It was easy to see the direction of their movement because the trees and bamboo would move as they passed through. When it became clear that the elephants were heading in our direction the guides ran away in a hurry. They were very cautious, too cautious in my opinion. They started to descend the mountain, with me following them reluctantly. After walking less than a minute they turned to me to ask, “Where are you going?” I replied, “I would like to go up the mountain.” One of them said, “Ok, but be careful.”

I began heading up to the top, until the others were out of sight. Then I stopped and thought for a moment, I would like to get some photos of those elephants. Is it worth the risk? I decided it was and headed back towards them. We met up fairly quickly since it turned out they were heading my way at the exact same time.

There they were. The elephants were on the very same path I was on. In full view, open space, only 20 feet in front of me. I snapped a couple of photos and then got frightened and backed away to where they could not see me anymore. I gathered up more courage and set camera to video mode. I walked back to where I had a good view of them and started filming. Both times I squatted down low on the foot path, making myself look smaller to communicate that I posed no threat to them.

Slowly the elephants were walking towards me, once they got too close for comfort I turned to walk further away, when I turned back to see how far they had come I noticed that they had picked up their pace. I stopped filming and headed for safety. They stopped walking about the same time so I got a couple more photos. Then the big one in front stamped his foot on the ground a couple of times and made a few noises, I took that as a signal to back away again. Once I did, the elephants made a right turn and started heading away from me.

Cautiously I followed taking photos and video as we went. Within about five minutes a few of the elephants stopped to eat the bark off of a tree. Slowly and cautiously I made my way to a place that I perceived would be a safe spot to get more video and photos. Unfortunately there was too much brush in the way so I climbed the nearest tree where I was able to get good photos. The elephants watched me as I climbed. I was just a little worried they would come after me once I got up into the tree, but more worried that my climbing would scare them away. By the time I got up into the tree one of the elephants walked away, only two elephants remained. From this vantage point I got some excellent photos and video. At one point I began coughing which scarred the elephants away. I figured I had enough good photos and I would not risk my life any further trying to get more. All up I spent about twenty five minutes with the elephants.

I proceeded to the top of the lower peak and had my meditation time. When I returned back to Shyni’s house I said nothing until I had the photos on my computer for the show. Everyone was surprised to see those photos, especially at how close up I was. Shyni looked at me like I was both incredibly brave and stupid. She told me, “Don’t make me a widow so soon.” Many times during the day she lectured me about being careful. I reassured her by telling her, “I can tell when I am safe or not. Most animals are peaceful and can feel that in me and there is no problem. But if they are not I can tell, and I would stay away.” Shyni then told me, “If you ever have to get away from them run downhill. They can easily run uphill, but downhill their weight gives them trouble so they must go slowly. When Shyni’s mother returned home late that evening she told Shyni not to let me go hiking in that forest alone again. She made many comments in Malayalam. Even though I did not understand her words, I could feel her sense of shock and fear for my safety.

I do not suggest that you try such a thing unless you are very good at reading energy and very good with animals. What I did was dangerous, I risked my life. But for me it felt right. I did not feel like I was in danger. Mentally I knew the chance was there, but I did not feel the danger.

Read the next chapter here - The Kidnapping and the Wedding

Love and Blessings,
Michael Skowronski
Author of Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story

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This is another part of the Marriage Made in Heaven story (Part I and Part II)

It was at the age of fifteen that Shyni decided she would marry a foreigner, or a white man as they refer to us in India. For years she had been telling her friends and family that she would do this. Shyni had a strong and independent great grandmother who was a very big influence upon her. This great matriarch taught Shyni how to think for herself and to see through the illusions that most people live under, which is one of the reasons Shyni is so compatible with me. Shyni did not like the way Indian men treated their wives and did not want to grow up to become a slave to her husband. She wanted someone who would see her for who she really was and would treat her with love and respect. She saw the odds of that happening with an Indian man to be quite slim.

Shyni’s father, Master Thomas, was a great musician and well known all over India for his talent. He had many students from all over the world coming to learn to play tabla and purchase a tabla made by the hands of this master craftsman. Master Thomas also taught twenty one other instruments, vocals, and dance. He won many awards for his work. So there was plenty of white folk hanging around the family home.

At the age of thirty, Shyni was already in danger of becoming an old spinster in her culture. Master Thomas had been looking for a husband for Shyni since she was eighteen years old. But he was trying to hook her up with an Indian man. A few of his European students offered to marry her; one of them was a handsome young movie director from London England. Even though Master Thomas wanted Shyni to marry an Indian man, he allowed Shyni to decide, and she declined them all. They did not feel like the right suitor for her. Master Thomas died shortly before Shyni’s twenty fifth birthday without finding her a husband.

Seven months before I met Shyni, when she was nearly thirty years old, a man from Vienna Austria proposed to her. He had known Shyni since she was fifteen and had been a student of Master Thomas. Shyni accepted and the next day they both went their separate ways, he back to Vienna and Shyni back to her job as a nurse in Delhi. Three months later he returned to Kumily to marry Shyni. He called her in Delhi and told her to quit her job and come to be married. Shyni did just that. But the years had corrupted what had once been a nice young man. He was sexually active with other Indian women and into drugs. He began insulting certain family members and after nine days Shyni called off the marriage. They never even touched each other, not once in the fourteen years that they knew each other. Shyni remained a virgin.

Just a few weeks before I met Shyni she became disillusioned with her life thinking that God had forgotten about her and attempted suicide. She grieved her father’s death, and her great grandmother who died at the age of 100, only months after Master Thomas, they were the only adult family members that understood Shyni and that only ones she could trust. She loved and missed them dearly. Shyni took an overdose of prescription medicine, about five times the dosage that should have killed her, and being a nurse she knew what a lethal dosage was. She awoke three days later very angry at God and asking, “Why did you send me back?” She was very upset. Her nine year old nephew Eju was the only family member to stick by her the entire time she was out cold. The adults left her to live or die, depending on the will of God.

Ten days later I came along. I knew nothing of her attempted suicide when I agreed to marry her.

Shyni’s sister and her husband Gopal came to Shyni’s home late that evening of the day I asked Shyni to marry me. I was back at my room busy writing my book. The next day I went to their house and met Jessie and Gopal. I sat down with the family to formally ask for Shyni’s hand in marriage. For about thirty minutes they asked me many questions; with Shyni interpreting I answered. Their talk sounded a bit harsh, there were times I was worried that there was a problem, but Shyni told me what they said, and I believed they were happy with the marriage. But in reality there were objections, worries and fears. Would I use her and then leave her behind? Would I humiliate the family? Her brother was concerned, her sister was supportive. Others were on the fence. I did not know this, and I am glad that I did not.

This was just like something out of a movie…no, even better…because it was happening to me. I marveled at how everything in my life, my previous experiences, up to this point made me ready, willing, and able to fully take this experience in and go with the flow of it. Even a few years earlier I would not have been up for this. Because I was on such a mission to fully understand Life I thought this was a great opportunity to immerse myself in such a different culture.

Yet there was one thing missing for me at this point, something that made me a bit uncomfortable.

These days I can tell when a woman is sexually interested in me. I even felt that kind of interest coming from the second woman I met. But I did not feel it with any of the others, and certainly NOT with Shyni. I did not feel any sort of intimate connection or chemistry with Shyni. Nor had I witnessed her express any sort of affection with any of her family members at this point.

I took some inner counseling about this. First I decided that this was too big of an event in my life for God to let me proceed if it was wrong for me. I knew something would come up to stop this wedding if Shyni was not right for me. This was not blind faith however; this was faith due to all of the amazing events that I have experienced in my life that has confirmed that God is watching over and protecting me…read my book for an overwhelming taste of those grand experiences.

The next thing I told myself was that Shyni wants intimacy and touch just like everyone else does. She has already told me how important it is for her to find the right husband and that it be for life. I could not believe that she would choose to go through her life with a man that she could not be intimate with. I figured that she was just used to holding that sort of energy back and that it would come out once we were married, when it was appropriate for her to do so. And finally I knew that I had the ability to bring the absolute best out of a person. Since Shyni was willing to work at making this relationship good, I knew I could teach her how to be a good lover if she had any difficulties at the start.

I also explained my concerns about intimacy with Shyni. I told her, “Physical intimacy is very important to me. I am not like an Indian man; I am not looking for a servant. Intimacy is the biggest reason
that I want a wife. Being my lover must come naturally and should not done out of duty and obligation.” Shyni’s response was simple, “You don’t have to worry, I understand.” She was too shy to say anything more about this issue. I finished that conversation by telling her, “I take my commitment to marry very seriously and will do everything I can to ensure we have a happy marriage. But I will not stay in a marriage that has no intimacy; I will not stay in a marriage that is unhappy. Please make sure you considered this before we proceed.”

By the end of the third day, although I had not touched her, I had gotten physically close enough to Shyni to feel the warmth of her intimate energy bodies. They did not close off when I came close. She felt very receptive. This helped to ease my worries.

Over the next few days I spent most of my time at her family home. Her sister, brother-in-law and their children stayed there for six days. With each day came more and more confirmation that I had made a good decision; especially when I saw how affectionate she was with her niece and nephew.

Although they had little money or income, they owned a nice home in a great spot right next to a grassy field which borders the wild animal preserve. Wild monkeys stop by frequently and I had an encounter with wild elephants while walking only half a kilometer from her house.

Shyni’s brother Shyam was twenty three at the time. He followed in his father’s footsteps, making tablas, teaching music, and singing his heart out. Shyam is also a world class musician; he gave his first public performance at the age of three. In the midst of the family making this decision, Shyam got a phone call inviting him and his group to give a live performance at a music college. We all interpreted this as a good omen, as God’s blessing, on our decision. This was a very high honor for Shyam because of the quality of this school and because he was the only outside performer that was invited.

When they suggested that I go along to the concert with him I was resistant due to the great traveling distance and a loss of two days time from writing my book. Intuitively I knew this would be a good experience to help bind me with Shyni’s family. My intuition turned out correct because Shyam was still a bit leery of me and he had the power to stop this marriage from happening. After that Shyam liked me and considered me a down to earth regular person, so I am glad that I went. I had trouble communicating with Shyam and his fellow musicians because they spoke very little English and I spoke no Malayalam at the time. (I am still learning; it is the second most difficult language on the planet.) I had to use all of the patience I could muster up and quiet my frustrations when things did not go as I expected, which was often. It was quite an adventure and learning experience for me.

On February 28th 2005, one week after meeting Shyni, we went to Peermade, a city that was an hour away for our “first” marriage. It was done in a law office which begun the legal process for marrying a foreigner. This consisted of signing a legal document that contained wedding vows and filling paperwork with the government. They contacted my country, the USA, to make sure I am not already married. It takes forty days for this to complete.

However there were complications…when we got there the attorney who was handling the paperwork did not have the required “stamp paper” to write the official documents on. I had driven to Peermade alone on the motor cycle that I had rented from Mohammad. It was a beautiful drive through the Western Ghats Mountain Range that I enjoyed thoroughly. The rest of the family came by bus, the common form of transportation for the majority of the people of India. There was no stamp paper to be found in this small legal town we were in, don’t ask me why, that’s just how Indians do business. So I was elected to take Gopal, Shyni’s sister’s husband, and drive to another town to find it. After a few hours of searching we came back empty handed.

Meanwhile the family had made a few phone calls and located stamp paper in another town but I was too tired of driving to make yet another one hour round trip drive. My contract with Mohammad, who I rented the motor bike from, prohibited me from letting anyone else use the bike. So it was with great reluctance that I gave the motor bike to Gopal and the attorney to go and retrieve the stamp paper.

About forty minutes later we get a phone call from Gopal, they had an accident. They were both hurt and the bike badly damaged. A jeep was sent to recover them and brought them back to the hospital in Peermade. Poor Shyni, she was so afraid that this would jinks the marriage. She was afraid that I would back out. I did everything I could to reassure her that I was not going to back out over this problem. But her fears would not go away. As I probed deeper, I found that she had greater worries. Shyni was deathly afraid of Mohammad and what he would do when he discovered that his bike was damaged. I did my best to soothe her worries; I told her that I would buy the bike from him if it came down to that. It seemed to help a little, but all of the family was on the worry train of thought so they were influencing her too.

The attorney required a cast for his broken leg, Gopal required stitches for the gash above his eye, but they would live. After the medical dramas were dealt with, we still had time to do the legal work. A funny thing happened when it came time for me to sign the legal papers…I got hot feet. Not cold feet, but hot feet, unusually hot feet. I figured it reflected just how much I wanted this marriage to take place.

Because of the drama with the bike and Gopal’s injuries, Shyni decided to go home with her sister and Gopal to help Gopal get further medical treatment. Gopal’s brother, who worked at a bike repair shop in the big city of Kottayam, came to get the bike and repair it.

Before Shyni put me on the bus to returned to my home-stay in Kumily she warned me not to tell Mohammad about the wedding and the bike. I objected saying, “What am I going to tell him about the bike? He will see that I don’t have it. He will ask questions. I can’t lie to him.”

Shyni was very worried. She told me, “You can’t tell Mohammad anything. He will stop our marriage if he finds out.”

My response was, “A corrupt person like that does not have the power to stop our marriage. We have much more power than he does. We already have the first part done. So what can he do?”

Shyni ended by saying, “You don’t know him like I do. You have no idea what he will do. He will make trouble, you can be sure of that.”

I got on the bus and headed “home”, I was not sure what to think. But I was certain I was not going to let this boy interfere with my life.

Stay tuned for – The Kidnapping and The Wedding!

But First Continue Reading - The Elephants of India

Love and Blessings,
Michael Skowronski
Author of Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story

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This is the last part of the Life Coaching Transcript for Laurie. Here are its first and second part.

Laurie said:

…We are all going in together to share a booth at the local New Age Expo here in November, and now she dropped out of participating in that… bla bla bla (no insult intended) … but it’s like she wants it to go just HER way instead of allowing every to have equal say as a TEAM.

Do you really want to be involved with that energy when you present your skills to the public? Or is this a learning experience whose time has passed? Or can you let it all go, and just bring your sweet loving energy to the expo and stand out amongst the crowd?

Keep asking yourself such questions and go with the answer that feels the best to you.

Laurie said:

…In my additional defence, I’ve gotten strong feedback from at least 3 others in the group that she is the one out of line and I have not done ANYTHING wrong.

Of course that is the case. Whenever anyone is expressing strong emotional feelings it is theirs and only theirs. It’s a good thing to remember when it is you that is ranting and raving too! Your part in it is that you simply still believe you are less than others and deserve to take a beating for it.

Laurie said:

…But after exchanging heated emails, she called me and the conversation left me with that feeling of someone trying to assert their own viewpoints on me

Your participation in this is your own doing. Don’t respond. I know how hard that is, but look where the choice you made got you. Learn from this and cut these sort of things short!

Laurie said:

…but it leaves me with that feeling like as a kid, when your parents spank you “for you own good because I love you” — does that make any sense?

Anytime someone is taking on the strong emotionally charged accusations of another it is because of earlier wounding and a low sense of self-esteem. The fix for this is to focus your attention elsewhere and remind yourself that…Whenever anyone is expressing strong emotional feelings it is theirs and only theirs. The more you do this the less attractive you are to people like that. But the best part is that you discover that there are more and more nice loving people out there who own their own feelings and don’t blame you for their problems.

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This is the second part of this Life Coaching Transcript for Laurie .

Laurie said:

… but there is another piece, that I am more of an introvert in the first place, and have a HUGE creative side to my nature and have been developing my art and photography interests this last year.

Right now this may be the best thing for you to focus on. It sounds like it gives you joy and that you have less resistance in this area. Art is a very healing thing. Bring your energy to a place of great passion, joy and enthusiasm before you begin your work and your images will convey this to your admirers.

If someone asks you a question, if they actually come to you seeking comfort and advice, are you introverted or are you enthusiastic and ready to help? So remain open and let it come to you. When the time is right to make things happen you will be guided.

But most importantly know this… you affect people everyday of your life… people who will never tell you how much you changed their life. With each success you have, with each joyful moment you create within your own mind and feelings, you are adding to the light on the planet. This is a fact! This does affect thousands of people. Your desire to grow and expand draws more life force energy through us all… It has done this for me today.

Laurie said:

And I’ve also discovered another cool possibility for a home business, creating stargazing ceilings for people with a special process available through a company called Starscapes! It is the magic-loving/creative side of me that is REALLY attracted to that, and I’ve sent for their intro kit and sample.

Laurie said:

There are so MANY choices about how to do any one of the things I am interested in! …The other part is, I am genuinely swayed and get enthused about each area of interest as I am exposed to other people who are into the same thing or material I find on the web… most days, by the end of the day I feel dizzy from all my shifts of feeling enthused about one thing after another, and frustrated by my lack of significant momentum toward any one of them!

Some things just do catch my eye and I investigate. But I set time limits on this and I tell myself, “There will always be plenty of choices on offer. When I am ready, there will be some fantastic ground floor opportunity to get into. But right now I am doing what I love and that is teaching.”

See, again it is about reaching for the better feeling thoughts. Because the offers of great wealth feel good we tend to go towards them. This is good, until it feels bad as you described. But there are other things that feel good too, so pick the most important ones to you and make them the priority.

Referring to your hypnosis training you said heaps but I’ll focus on this:

… it involves lots of regression to cause and informed child work plus forgiveness work of others and self, and sometimes parts mediation if necessary due to secondary gain issues. Being an Abe-head, there is something about that that just doesn’t sit right with me

Hypnosis happens all the time… if you listen to Abraham speak he is always using hypnosis. All you need to do is create an altered state in someone and then program them with the tools to get to where they want.

For example…

Can you remember a time when you were hypnotized? Can you remember how being regressed felt and how it brought up all that pain? Go ahead feel that memory of all that pain now. Did it feel good? No, well don’t do that anymore!

How do you feel when you listen to Abraham? Do you feel inspired and passionate? Do you feel the sense of, “Of course this is so easy?” As you remember this feeling… know that you too can create this state in another. Listen carefully to Abraham as he does this. Let the feeling sense of it settle into your being. YOU TOO CAN DO THIS for others! Did you get that?

YOU TOO CAN DO THIS!

They want to feel good. So listen to what they complain about and recognize it is an indication of how important the topic is to them. Tell them how you understand the importance of this issue. You gain immediate rapport when you do this. Create a better feeling image around the important bits. You can do this! Repeat yourself. You can do this. The programming sinks in deeper and deeper as you repeat yourself. You can do this too! You can even do it in writing as I have just been doing with you!

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